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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DH not to attend memorial service?

26 replies

CantthinkofagoodNC · 25/09/2021 11:16

I’m 9 months preg. Due date literally within the few days. I already have a cold that I picked up from DH after he attended a wedding and an engagement party last weekend. Done a test etc it’s not covid.

However I’m in a pickle as it’s his friends memorial service (he died in 2019) and I’ve asked him not to attend as I’m worried that he’s going to bring something home again. Ive already got a cold and my immune system will be on the floor during/after having a baby. AIBU to ask him to not go?

OP posts:
SunshineCake1 · 25/09/2021 11:17

Couldn't he wear a mask and keep his distance? No kissing etc.

EllieLondon5 · 25/09/2021 11:18

I think you’re being precious, sorry. I don’t mean to sound unkind but it’s true.

You/he could pick up a cold etc from literally anywhere

IWantT0BreakFree · 25/09/2021 11:19

I wouldn’t ask my DH not to go tbh. But I also know that he’d be sensible and take necessary precautions and wouldn’t be drinking etc in case he got “the call”. I wouldn’t be super impressed if it was a gig or party (not that I think he’d risk that environment anyway if I were currently due to give birth) but a memorial for a close friend is different.

AlexaShutUp · 25/09/2021 11:19

Sorry, but he isn't just going to a random party. It's a memorial service. These things are important.

Most people don't isolate themselves when pregnant or just after they have given birth. Do you have compromised immunity for some reason? Presumably you are vaccinated against covid?

INeed2P · 25/09/2021 11:20

I'd suggest social distancing / masks.

I totally understand your concerns, however a memorial service is something that is really important to attend for him - unless he is staying home all the time (not going to work / the shops etc) then he is probably just as likely to bring something back.

It's definitely a worrying time for you, but I think asking him not to attend would be a bit U. Hope you feel better soon OP 😊

ArblemarchTFruitbat · 25/09/2021 11:20

I think it's a bit harsh to ask him not to attend a memorial service. Could you follow self-isolation at home - he sleeps in the spare room, you keep your distance, prepare your own food etc.?

Happylittlethoughts · 25/09/2021 11:20

Ask him to mind distance and handwashing etc but no, you cant ask him not to go just in case you get a cold!

ParkheadParadise · 25/09/2021 11:20

I would be telling my DH to GO to his friend's memorial service.

Parky04 · 25/09/2021 11:21

YABU. If I was him, I would go. I would not miss this for the reasons that you give. He could pick up covid from anywhere!

WaterTheGrass · 25/09/2021 11:23

I wouldn’t request he doesn’t go. It’s a memorial service for someone he was close to. He should attend. YABU.

Limejuiceandrum · 25/09/2021 11:24

Are you vulnerable for any medical reason
If not you’re being crazy

notacooldad · 25/09/2021 11:25

I would be telling my DH to GO to his friend's memorial service
Absolutely!
I would maybe address concerns with him but wouldn't be telling him how to behave once he us there either. He is an adult.

DarlingFell · 25/09/2021 11:25

I do understand how you feel but surely he’s around people when he’s going to work / at work? But yes, I totally get you.

NailsNeedDoing · 25/09/2021 11:26

You are being a bit precious. Memorial services have a lot of importance to people, it’s not fair for you to try and take that away from the people it matters too on the off chance of him, and then you getting another cold.

Notimeforaname · 25/09/2021 11:27

Nah, yabu and a bit precious. It's his friends memorial service.

summercupcake · 25/09/2021 11:28

YABU

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 25/09/2021 11:29

I'd also be telling my DH to go, these things are important.

YABU and precious.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 25/09/2021 11:30

He is no more likely to pick up a bug at a memorial service than going to work or going shopping.

I'm not sure if you are anxious about giving birth (understandable!) or punishing him for the cold you already have, but it is definitely not reasonable to ask him to skip the memorial service of a friend for no real reason.

WTF475878237NC · 25/09/2021 11:30

I'm assuming you're basically at home all the time and he's WFH and therefore this service would hugely increase risk from your current baseline? If he was prepared to socially distance, sit at the back and wear a mask would that be OK?

You're not being precious. Covid isn't a cold. Looking after a newborn with Covid wouldn't be easy!

PheasantsNest · 25/09/2021 11:36

YABU you can't control people.

Original poster
CantthinkofagoodNC · 25/09/2021 11:37

I think mask, socially distance etc would be ok. To be honest, if I hadn’t have caught this cold from him I wouldn’t be posting this as he and I have done most things we want too in terms of attending functions etc. But catching the cold has kinda made me think ok what if he picks something else up…I really do not want to be giving birth when I am not 100% if it can be helped.

Yes, he’s been WFH recently as have I.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 25/09/2021 11:40

Of course he should go to his friends memorial service. He can wear a mask.

CCC11 · 25/09/2021 11:41

Could be a pregnancy cold I was sick with a cold couldn't breath from having a blocked nose, nose was running etc when I had my first daughter as soon as I was about to give birth all my symptoms went away 🤷🏽‍♀️

Skyla2005 · 25/09/2021 11:56

Any other occasion I would agree but. Memorial no

Chloemol · 25/09/2021 12:01

Sorry you are being unreasonable. It’s for his friend

He can wear a mask, attempt some form of SD, take care in what he does, buts it’s only fair he goes