What would you do in this situation?

[TurnUpTurnip]

If you had an ex that didn’t see your child(ten) through their own choice (just didn’t want to, no reason for it) do you think the door should be kept open for contact or would you just block them so they can’t contact you and get on with your life (not been in contact since January)

Yea id block. He doesn't get to just walk back in whenever he wants too. He will damage your children and it'll cause too much hurt that you'll then have to deal with when he leaves once again. The minute he walks out, he should lose his rights to them.

That’s my concern that it will cause more damage, my child don’t actually want to see him either.

"I’ve been told that’s actually MORE damaging to allow a father to come in and out"

I imagine the reality is 50:50 on which is worse, different people will decide differently. Thing is, if you block him, you become part of that decision, YOU will have inserted yourself in their relationship. That reads like punishing him or deliberately pushing him out, not simply protecting your DC. You should only block other parent if contact is truly unpleasant and upsetting each time. Not because you "think" your DC will be happier without him.

Given your DC isn't keen on him, I could imagine making little effort to facilitate contact. Be slow (1-3 days delay) to reply to messages from the dad. Assume no contact will happen unless dad is very specific about details. Don't tell DC about possible contact until the DC need to know in case dad flakes out, etc.

Are you getting maintenance?

@TurnUpTurnip

Ok but I’ve been told that’s actually MORE damaging to allow a father to come in and out, so it’s mixed messages, so I’m not sure which one is right but I think not allowing contact unless It’s through court is the best way to go. He has form for this it’s a pattern not a one off.

You can prevent him doing that - messing about with your child’s contact time - without blocking his number so he has no way to get in touch.

No I don’t claim maintenance. I don’t want it.

The children don’t want to see him because he told them he was coming down on one of their birthdays and just never showed up, no phone call no text, nothing. I guess they’ve had enough of being messed around over the years.

I’d block, why does he get to pick and choose when he is a parent? Does he have other ways of contacting you if he wanted to?

Yes good point he does have other ways to contact me he has my email address and knows where I live so he couldn’t use the excuse that I had cut him off as he would still be able to contact if he wanted to.

I would not block but if he got in touch I would tell him that you want a formal contact arrangement because regular consistent contact is in the best interests of the children and propose that you go through court. Ask him to make the application.
Chances are that he won’t do it and if he does (depending on the ages of your dc)their views will be taken into account.

Then he can never honestly say you have blocked contact. Although he will probably lie to all his friends and say that you have. Oh well

I don’t care what his friends think I don’t see any of them so that doesn’t matter to me. I’ve equally got all the messages where I’ve emailed him and he’s told me to never contact him ever for anything.