Newborn Anxiety

[Pecky9]

I hope someone can relate or help....

I've just had my daughter a week ago and whilst I know it is early days I am crippled when it starts to get dark by anxiety.

Anxiety over her not sleeping, and therefore, anybody sleeping.
Anxiety over horrific dreams I have at not being able to keep her or my son safe.
Anxiety over whether my husband can cope with looking after her if it's his turn to do so.

I have a specialist mental health midwife and they offer support but have told me it is early days and my body is still hormonal, recovering from the c-section etc. However whilst I could just say 'give it time, the nights roll around and suddenly they are here and I'm back at square one - crying, scared and leaning heavily on my husband.

Any advice, support or similar experiences would be great.

I’ve no experience, only a little advice. My friend suffered with this, horrible dreams, vivid, frightening etc really affected her. She had medication from her G.P, it really helped and she no longer needs the meds. Didn’t happen overnight of course, but she got there.

Hi OP, I’ve always had anxiety and depression on and off but the weird thing that started when my son was born and was that I would get extremely anxious and agitated as dusk drew in. Autumn baby also. No one has ever entirely explained it to me why this started then but I guess it makes sense if you think of cavewomen!

I was under care of specialist perinatal mental health team. Their support, some meds and the gradual finding my feet as a mum, and my son learning to sleeping a bit ;), meant things did improve.

The awful thoughts are extremely common with newborns. The most common seems to be throwing the baby out the window. I used to have graphic images of accidentally stepping on my son and crushing his skull.

As my psych nurse reminds me to this day, we have 10,000 thoughts (at least) a day. All of us have some awful or plain batshit ones each day. Some are very distressing but if you can remember it is just your brain churning out gubbins, it can help.

Also remember you are functioning on almost zero sleep. This will get better, I promise.

Do ask your team for help if you are struggling as there is always something to try.

And if you are breastfeeding, meds are not ruled out, although the default UK medical advice is to avoid anything when pregnant or breastfeeding. My psych team used to check a site called LactMed. It’s from the US but has proper advice specific to each drug

@Pecky9 you are not alone here I had this too. I was very anxious, it's really common.
There is nothing wrong with it (other than it feeling very unpleasant), the best thing you can do is talk to someone, and as hard as that is it will feel like a weights been lifted off your shoulders. When I went to see my GP after crippling anxiety for 6 weeks after my baby was born, just nearing the doctor tell me that the fact I'm anxious just shows how much I'm worried about being a good mum, I felt instantly relieved. I was out an anti depressants and they really helped, a small pill a day to lighten my mood and get rid of the intrusive thoughts was so worth it.
Remember OP, the thoughts you're having feel completely unique and you swear to yourself you must be the only person in the world feeling like this, but you're not at all, you're just a human who's had another human come out of you and it messes with our hormones.
Stay on too OP, you'll be fine soon xx

CBT?

I had this with my first born. It got significantly better after a few nights better sleep once they started to work out when was night and when was day. 1 week is tiny. It will get easier.

Completely relate. The tiredness and the hormones and the newness are just SO big. Apparently your body makes you anxious to ensure that you're protecting the baby...

It took me to my third baby to realise my husband could actually cope with the baby. In fact, he was probably in a better position to do it than me because he was less sleep deprived and hadn't just had a major body event happen to him. If I could go back to first-time-mum-me, I'd tell me to let OH take the baby. Breastfeed, then pass the baby to OH.

The dreams are awful, but in a few weeks they will subside.

As for anxiety about the baby not sleeping. The first time you're a mum, it feels like the new born non-sleeping stage will last forever. It's horrific. But six weeks it will get easier. Then it'll get easier again at 12 weeks. But for now- sleep when you can, look after yourself and remember you're doing a great job. And it will get easier.

FINALLY; get yourself a decent breastfeeding box set 😊

Hi lovely,

I don't have a new born but I didn't want to see your post about anxiety and not stop by as I too have been struggling. I have found this channel on YouTube to be SO helpful... have had it on in the background today waiting for my boyfriend to get in from work and it really shifted a terribly dark mindset. some of his videos may not be relevant but he is really knowledgeable and they're easy to kind of listen to as a bit of company. Big hug to you xx

'whilst I know it is early days I am crippled when it starts to get dark by anxiety. '

This really stood out to me. This is exactly how I felt at around 2 weeks postpartum as I think this is how my 'baby blues' manifested themselves. I had DS1 in December and I remember feeling ok in the day but when the night rolled in it was like being in a horror film in my head. DH had organised some work friends to come over when they finished work at 7pm (FFS) and knowing they were coming and them being there when I felt the way I did was just torture.

Not to dismiss your previous mental health issues at all, I also had serious MH problems before having a baby but for me this was the worst part and it was over quite quickly. Hopefully it will be the same for you OP

Hello. Sorry you are having this. I had the same severe late afternoon / evening anxiety. Such a dark, imposing feeling. Horrible.

Keep talking to the professionals and your husband about it. Also if you can squeeze in a short nap and lots of food late afternoon that might help - you are running on empty.

For me, it eased up after the hormones died down, around 10-12 days. I hope it’s the same for you. Sending a hug.