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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I tell the form tutor???

22 replies

GemGEmGemster · 24/09/2021 14:54

New to secondary school mum here!
Year 7 DD was on a WhatsApp tutor group group started by kid A. DD didn’t say anything on the group but has been removed by kid A. DD and dd’s friends asked her to add DD again but kid A said no - no reason given. DD is upset and it does feel mean. Should I email the tutor and ask for help with this? Or let DD work it out herself??

OP posts:
IndecentObsession · 24/09/2021 14:59

Not for the moment. Y7 is often when the kids start getting more independence and "flexing their muscles". It's a power trip, as much as it's difficult to, your DD shouldn't play into it. More than likely once this individual doesnt get the desired reaction they'll add your DD back. I'd only involve the school if there was bullying or similar towards your DD

PurpleDaisies · 24/09/2021 15:01

That doesn’t immediately seem like something school needs to be involved in.

Shieldingending · 24/09/2021 15:02

It’s sad but as the previous poster said it’s a power trip. Hard for your DD but part and parcel of secondary school life Sad Hope she’s ok

maddy68 · 24/09/2021 15:02

No I can see their point if they have removed someone that doesn't contribute. It's not a school issue.

If she wants to be part of it she should speak to the people and ask them to re add her

AntiSocialDistancer · 24/09/2021 15:03

Its hard. I'm more sympathetic for children who've just started at a new school Sad

Is it the whatsapp group for their class or something?

Stompythedinosaur · 24/09/2021 15:05

I'd encourage your dd to speak to the teacher herself.

She shouldn't be excluded from a group set up by the teacher.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 24/09/2021 15:06

Definitely a power thing at that age. I'd just tell DD to set up her own WhatsApp group and add her friends herself (not including A obviously). It's not something school should have to deal with at this point and going to them saying "they deleted my DD from a WhatsApp group for no reason" will seem extremely petty, even if it's a bit deal for your DD

Wisewordswouldhelp · 24/09/2021 15:06

Given that the minimum age for Whatsapp is 16 and that secondaries schools discourage its use (precisely because of bullying and inappropriate material sharing) I expect they won't be encouraging this child to allow your child to join. At most they might message the parents reminding them that children shouldn't have whatsapp. Or more likely they'll say it happens outside school so is not under their jurisdiction.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 24/09/2021 15:06

@Stompythedinosaur

I'd encourage your dd to speak to the teacher herself.

She shouldn't be excluded from a group set up by the teacher.

It wasn't set up by the teacher though
Wisewordswouldhelp · 24/09/2021 15:07

@Stompythedinosaur

I'd encourage your dd to speak to the teacher herself.

She shouldn't be excluded from a group set up by the teacher.

The post says it was set up by kid A
Original poster
GemGEmGemster · 24/09/2021 15:14

Ok, thanks. My instinct is to do nothing, I mean, obviously I want to go and punch kid A for being mean to my perfect little angel DD but I’ll hold back and encourage her to weather the storm.

OP posts:
buzzandwoodyallday · 24/09/2021 15:17

Your dd should start her own WhatsApp group with all the same kids apart from child A....

SeasonFinale · 24/09/2021 15:20

As a devil's advocate may I ask why your child wasn't contributing though but wants to go back on. Does child A think that it isn't fair that they appear to be lurking to glean info about the others but not willing to share?

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 24/09/2021 15:29

Contact school if your Dd gets horrible messages by screenshotting and sending to her pastoral person, that type of bullying can and should be dealt with. No one can force inclusion into a group not run by the school. If you're happy for Dd to use WhatsApp then just get her to set up her own group. But keep an eye on your Dd and check whether she has issues with this person at school over the next few weeks.

Mymapuddlington · 24/09/2021 15:30

Can’t dd friends leave that group and make another with her?

Loudestcat14 · 24/09/2021 15:32

I wouldn't tell the school unless the exclusion physically spills over into bullying in the classroom and I'd encourage your DD to set up her own group for her bunch of mates. Chances are by next week she'll be invited back in – Y7 is a very fickle year for friendships!

Mothersister · 24/09/2021 15:35

@Stompythedinosaur

I'd encourage your dd to speak to the teacher herself.

She shouldn't be excluded from a group set up by the teacher.

It was set up by a pupil.
LateDecemberBackInLowB12 · 24/09/2021 15:37

Its fine to remove someone from a group that they weren't contributing to at all. Why does you dd want to rejoin if she wasn't an active part of the group?

Chloemol · 24/09/2021 15:40

Just tell you dd to set her own WhatsApp group up

CommanderBurnham · 24/09/2021 15:45

Set up her own WhatsApp group with the others in it.

TrivialSoul · 24/09/2021 15:48

It's child A's group so she can add or remove whoever she wants. There is no obligation to involve everyone in everything all the time. Smaller groups will form, friendships will be made and broken over and over again, it's all part of growing up. If she wasn't actively involved in the group then why would she be kept in it? Don't get involved. If you have deemed her old enough to have WhatsApp then she must be old enough to deal with the consequences. This isn't primary school where teachers sort out every petty squabble.

TintinIsBack · 24/09/2021 15:49

What was the point if the WhatsApp group?

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