To want a printer that just fucking works?!

[BertieBotts]

I am sick to death of it. Printers are such bastards.

Does anyone have such a magical appliance that doesn't randomly uninstall itself, pretend it's offline, refuse to recognise paper, says ink is completely empty when it's half full, jump into life and print something that seems to belong to a neighbour, implement a completely pointless 5 minute wait between printouts, just stop halfway through a perfectly fine printout and have a tantrum, or any other shenanigans?

They all work fine for a month and then the printer gremlins move in. I don't want to spend loads on one because we don't use it that often. I don't need any fancy features (a scanner is nice) I just want it to WORK!

Any recommendations?

I've never had a problem with any printer, the ink ones are annoying as the cartridges are so expensive so I have a laser one now.

I did see someone suggesting that a printer was probably the inspiration behind the band name "Rage against the machine "

Yep, exactly. It only works from my phone, despite having three phones and three computers in the house. It's plugged into my computer now but that's not good enough either.

We had an Epson Inkjet in 1999 which was absolutely flawless. The occasional paper jam but none of this complicated wifi crap.

Go into your control panel, hardware and sound/devices/printer.

Then right click over your printer and click on troubleshoot.

Works every time.

No, it really doesn't.

@upinaballoon
"YANBU. Mine doesn't recognise f@@@ing something.. The best thing for printers is for them to be taken out on to the back concrete and threshed to death with a big hammer.". Genuinely laughed out loud at this, couldn't agree more.

This is all you need

m.youtube.com/watch?v=CSK1D3bZhRs

Same here. I've got a canon one that's been in the cupboard unused for the last 12 months because I can't get it to work. I even phoned canon and they didn't seem to have much of a clue either.

Someone's missing a trick here, make a basic printer that actually works 😡

I have a Hewlett Packard HP Envy 5646. It has literally never failed. Wireless printer that even I can use and I'm not good at tech at all, but it picks up on your wireless so you can just send to print wherever you are in the house and your document is waiting for you on the printer. Doesn't jam or clog. Can pick cartridges up in supermarkets or online easily. Print quality great.

My printer was great. Then I got a new router from sky and the printer won't connect to it as it's a different bandwidth. I haven't had time to do anything about this so I just get angry about it every now and then.

Such Prima Donnas.

@weleasewoderick23

Same here. I've got a canon one that's been in the cupboard unused for the last 12 months because I can't get it to work. I even phoned canon and they didn't seem to have much of a clue either.

Someone's missing a trick here, make a basic printer that actually works 😡

LOL - they want you to buy a new one!!

What gets me is built in obsolence. I had a basic B&W laser printer that was working absolutely fine. A real workhorse.

Then I got a new laptop. And guess what, the software for my faithful old printer was no longer available.

Bastards

all our printers have been complete twats of things.

I did have a brief moment in time where I was printing stuff out on photo paper, and it behaved beautifully, A4 photo...landscape, no problem. 6x4, how many do you require? ...Divide this print into two and print them consecutively,
Print this out with the writing on the opposite side to make a card,

Then about a week later it went rogue and refused to do anything that wasn't A4 printing of letters or photocopying. Bastard thing.

We have an HP one just now and that is the worst, and it's wifi. One printer in the house, and on the app you get SEVEN printer options, all with the same ID number, is it psychologically challenged??

3 never work, 2 are busy and the other two....who fucking knows??? And it's never the same 2 that are busy or same three that ignore you, or the same two that might deign to be a bit helpful.

25 minutes it took to print a single sheet the other day, dh had also tried, and it printed out the top two inches four times for him.
In the end he had to email it to me, I had to download it and then try all of the printers personalities and eventually it printed me a single copy. Refused to print any more, but was then happy to scan the one it had printed and produce a copy.

Basically the only trick this one doesn't know is "Paper Jam" ...the last one loved that.

@Freezingtoocold

Get a Brother laser. Toner from eBay is much cheaper. If you need to scan, use the Adobe scan app on your phone. I had a black and white one that lasted years. Wanted colour so bought an inkjet after researching but still was useless. Back to Brother and it’s brilliant. Even if we have a power cut it remembers the connection to Wi-fi when everything is back on. I love it!

Mine is a brother laser printer and it does what ever the fuck it wants when it wants to. Can't find the WiFi, can't find the paper etc a complete pain in the ass.

@LilithTheKitty

I've got a laser printer now. Only black and white, as the colour one was out of my budget, but it's brilliant. Prints straight away, no need to clean print heads and the toner lasts forever.

Which one please?

This is why at least one person in every household has to work in an office.
My boss let me print out a returns label in exchange for a packet of biscuits. It was far easier than approaching the beast in the cupboard, armed only with a cable and an update.

I have a Xerox laser printer which is fab and works without random hissy fits. Copies, scans, prints without any issues

However, the bloody thing was so complicated to install I had to get an IT expert in to do it for me

I have the same problem. I buy new ones from Pc World as you can get a policy that just replaces anything with a new one if anything goes wrong, at minimal cost. i have already had about three printers this way. They stop working, I get a new one. It's crazy and so environmentally unfriendly, but I find printers will work for a few months and then print blank pages or the print is all over the place. I dont understand how to clean print heads or any of the rest of it, I hate printers and dread using them.

YANBU. Thought it was just me! It's such an arsehole mine is, that I will sometimes just print it at work. Or at the library.

@BertieBotts Don't forget the 'test sheets' it does to test 'all the ducking colours are working'.. Wasting the expensive bastard ink!

I’ve got a canon mg4250 and I’d say 90% of the time it gives me no bother at all - can print from phone and Pc. Also if you have an iPhone you can scan in the notes section - it’s genius

So not just me then?
Have the same as Pippanet, only ours plays up at times and I unplug it then leave 5- 10 mins plug in and try again. It usually works unless there is a paper jam . It seems to work best for dd. I think it is afraid to be otherwise.
My first scanner was brilliant and was able to do things nothing since could do. I think the problem started when we went from a printer and a scanner to an all in one.

I've got a Samsung m2020 wireless laser printer. Only b&w but that's all I need. Toner is a whopping £65 but I've found generic ones on Amazon that are 2 for £20. Never had any issues with it.

The printer in work tho... 😡 Has a mind of its own and always packs in when you're in a hurry. It just KNOWS!

Oh, and they all must have a sneaky bit of software that detects when you need something urgently, that is vital, and denies all knowledge of the WiFi connection. But when just to test it you ask it to print say a shopping list, that you could easily hand write, it prints it perfectly.

Yes a brother mono laser printer, so much better.