Please forgive me

[Besswess88]

I need to rant to someone.

Staying with a family member for a “break” after leaving abusive relationship.

Quizzed constantly about my minor lifestyle choices “Why do you have so many notifications on your phone? (phone is on silent) Why do you get FB notifications? Do you need to know immediately when something happens on FB? I told her I can text from my car using voice activation on Siri, “Do you NEED to text from your car?” Erm yes for work sometimes and just because it’s a good time to use to catch up on messages.

Went into a shop and she was being served, a wasp was crawling in her hair, tried to twice tell her and she turned round and said “ffs I don’t fucking care, have you ever actually been stung by a wasp it’s not a disaster” in front of everyone in the shop like I was an annoying child.

She asks why I need to wear make up, might be “freeing” for me not to shocked I am 12-14 not a 16 (as she is).

Cannot understand how anyone is illiterate.

ARGH constant microscopic criticisms about things which DON’T FUCKING MATTER.

Thanks - and breathe.

@Besswess88 How long will you be there for? Can you move out?

I am coming home in a few days.

I don’t think she likes you, or it’s annoying her having you stay with her. I think you’d best be making plans for moving on ASAP.

I am here on holiday for 1 week. 2 years since seen each other and not in UK.

Wow! Talk about out of the frying pan and into the abusive fire!!! She sounds just as bad as any abusive partner - maybe worse. Can you leave earlier?

No as coming back to UK.

Today brought up something which I did to piss her off 9 years ago.

She sounds an absolute pain in the arse.
I make sure the next time you see her is erm never.
You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.She sounds really bitter.

That sounds exceedingly wearing at best. Can you afford to head off for the last couple of days and stay elsewhere? Or head back early? Or just go out sun up to sun down and use her for the bed (bit rude if she's hosting but it doesn't sound like you're really welcome anyway).

I've had to put up with similar crap like this from some friends and family and over the years there are two things I regret not doing which is- 1) not leaving because I had to stay or not be rude and 2) not packing their suitcases and leaving it outside my front door telling them to leave.

Years later I'm still angry at myself for feeling so powerless when I could have took control of certain situations like this but instead I was hoping it will pass and counting down the days by being patient when I could have took action. Don't stay somewhere where it pisses you off otherwise it will eat you up.

Is she an older relative, still treating you like a child she's in charge of or something?
Her behaviour really reminds me of my mils who got really nasty and scornful when she got older. Turns out she had onset of dementia and is now in a home, kicking and biting carers on a bad day and being generally very aggressive.

I’m wondering if you ended up in an abusive relationship because you have abusive family members. These patterns often repeat, OP.

Did she not want you to stay with her?
She's being awful.
Can you go to a hotel until you leave?

She sounds awful!
If you HAVE to stay with her, I would avoid her as much as possible. Go out of the house by yourself and try to enjoy yourself at least for a bit.

I know from experience that when you’re used to abuse, and others are nasty to you, it’s easy to assume you’ve caused them to behave like this. She clearly is abusive too and you’re totally right to be upset about this. Protect yourself and avoid her if you can.

Hugs to you

It probably goes some way in answering why you were vulnerable to the manipulation of the abusive ex at the red flag stage- you had already been brought up to see it as normal and now you've developed awareness and ideas of boundaries, their behaviour is winding you up because you've learned it isn't right or deserved.

My Dad asks questions like that all the time - of my Mum primarily but of me too when I got to stay. Interferes in my parenting. Makes me want to limit when I’m there tbh!

Well it does make me limit it, not just want to!

@NeverDropYourMooncup

It probably goes some way in answering why you were vulnerable to the manipulation of the abusive ex at the red flag stage- you had already been brought up to see it as normal and now you've developed awareness and ideas of boundaries, their behaviour is winding you up because you've learned it isn't right or deserved.

Agree with this comment. Can you leave early? This person sounds horrible and toxic. I would be cutting all contact with this person.

Is this your mum?

Sounds very like mine...especially with the phone questions ('put that bloody thing down...you're obsessed').

I lived with her for nearly 2 years after I left my abusive marriage.. thank your lucky stars you're just there for a week!

Seriously though...Grey Rock all the way (or feign illness and take to your bed).

www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock

Sounds absolutely toxic.
How awful, when you need some peace.

Can you move to a hotel for the rest of your time there? Seriously, this sounds very far from a holiday and I’d just try to salvage some relaxation time for yourself.

At least you won't have to bother with a return trip.

Sounds like a sister to me

You're on holiday with the Nicer Version of My Sister That She Masquerades As In Company

Oh god op can you not stay in a hotel for the rest of the time? That sounds like hell.