To want to stop overfilling my schedule but can’t

[Llamasally]

Not sure if anyone else does this. It’s definitely worse when I’m having a low point or my depression is taking hold - I pack every minute of the day with an impossible itinerary, then spend all day rushing, stressed, late and doing a bad job of everything. Feel worse. Repeat.

I really need to break this cycle. I’m not even at work at the moment and am stressed out with all the diary planning and juggling!

Some examples of things crammed in this week on top of caring for a baby and toddler with a very limited amount of (paid) babysitting to cover the time:

• chiropractor
• financial advisor
• hairdresser
• visit in laws
• dog to vets
• doctors appointment
• pilates class

Plus a seemingly endless stream of admin jobs done on my phone all through the day.

Obviously some of this is ‘nice’ and for me, I could just not do it and this is the obvious answer. But lots of it isn’t and even when it is ‘optional’ I keep constantly filling my day up and up. I make an effort not to l, then I think ‘oh I must do X, Y, Z’, book it all in a frenzy and next thing I know I’m back to square one.

Is this just modern life or am I BU??

Following because I do this too and it gets me into all sorts of mess.
I had a meeting this am at my DC's school. It was for half an hour. I told work I would be in at 10am which is fine, they are flexible. In reality the meeting overran by 5 mins and I didn't work out beforehand which train I was going to get and so I ended up waiting for one and now I am late. I should have looked up the train times before and made it clear to the school when I needed to leave.

I have also booked an appointment in at work for 2pm when I know I need to leave the office at 3pm. Even if the appointment goes to time it won't finish until 3pm and then I have to pack up my stuff (hotdesking so I can't leave anything) and get out of the door which means it will be 3.10pm.

I am always late and always chasing my tail.

On my day off I have a list as long as my arm of things to do and invariably do barely any of them. I don't know what it is, I find it hard to say no for one thing.

I’m not a psychologist, but it sounds like as a PP said this is rooted in the way you view free time. I’m the opposite - every week I have a clean slate and no plans whatsoever apart from work, so I might contact a couple of friends at the start of the week and see if they fancy doing something one evening, or at the weekend. If I had plans in my diary for weeks on end I’d feel claustrophobic and anxious, and I see my free time as chill time in which I can do whatever I want/need - laundry and chores, or something fulfilling like painting, taking my dog to a different park for a change, or even having a nap!

Big caveat to say I don’t have kids which makes this kind of leisurely life much easier but I think the basic principle is still valid - I view my free, empty time as precious me time in which I’ll do whatever I like, whereas it sounds like you view it as something that needs to be filled otherwise you’re in danger of being lazy, falling behind, forgetting something.

Instead of seeing a gap in your diary and thinking oh shit, what can I fill this with, can you see the gap and feel happy about it? And think, great, an evening at home where we can have dinner as a family, or an evening where you can pass the kids onto your OH and go for a bath, a walk, a lie down.

I know not everyone will have a partner (or might have one, but they work irregular hours or don’t pull their weight) so this may not be as easy as I’m making it sound but I do think the first step is changing the way you see an empty time slot as a negative and relishing it as a breather instead.