To ask how to be less uptight and quiet at work?

[ohsosheltered]

I am very quiet, it takes me a longggg long time to warm up to people. At my previous job it took me like 2 months of working full-time in a small team of 5 people to finally start feeling comfortable joking around and being relaxed around them.

I started a new job recently and the team is lovely, it's a really easygoing and fun working environment and very social, every evening after work there are groups of colleagues going out for meals and/or drinks together and as the New Girl I get invites all the time.

I really want to feel comfortable around them, I really want to be able to join in with the jokes and silly comments and to happily accept the invites for meals and drinks that leave me with a pit in my stomach and using any excuse to avoid them before I even realise what I'm saying.

AIBU to ask how can I be less serious, quiet and uptight and more relaxed and sociable at work?

Pretend. Sounds daft, but it helps. Smile, ask people questions.

You already know the answer to this! You said it yourself in your OP - time and familiarity will do their work and soon you’ll feel relaxed - even if it takes 8 weeks.

In the meantime, accept as many invites as you feel you can. Never say no to the same people twice if you can’t help it. You don’t need to feel totally at ease yet, you just need to fake it til you make it.

I honestly struggle so much. In group conversations I will be completely silent, it's like my brain doesn't even comprehend that I could even speak. I'm completely mute.

Maybe not the best advice in the world, but I find a drop of alcohol in social situations helps!

Don’t be so hard on yourself and give yourself time to adjust to your new colleagues. There is no rush, too much pressure could just stall the time it takes to feel comfortable with them.

Do you deal better with a one-to-one conversation? If so, make sure you have as many of those as you can. Then even if you are quiet in the bigger group they will know you are a nice, friendly person

I usually listen first then if I can add to the conversation wait for the appropriate moment to add to it

This is me - but at least you are making the effort - I find social gatherings so difficult too. Even when I fake it - it feels so disingenuous. I can do 121 but Groups I always end up shuffled to the edge and people speak in 2/3 around me. While trying to make an effort I seem to literally butt in just at the wrong time too. Maybe find out something about 2 or 3 people and use that as a conversation starter.
How long have you been working here?
Where did you last work?
Do you travel/cycle far- if they have a helmet in one hand ?
Very general questions then if they in turn ask more deeper questions - family etc then you can do the same.
So have a few light conversation questions ready - And yes as advised upthread - have a couple of drinks to relax!