AIBU

[Mumski45]

My DD is getting married this autumn. We have met DD fiancé's parents once briefly about 2 or 3 years ago almost by accident and before they were engaged.

I would really like to meet them again before the wedding either for an informal takeaway pizza night or even just to meet up with his Mum for a brew.

We did have an evening planned but it was cancelled as DD and fiancé had a disagreement with his Mum just a few days before and didn't want there to be a bad atmosphere. They have made up and he has tried to rearrange something but not getting anywhere.

Would it be unusual or weird of me to contact his Mum (she accepted a friend request on FB) to meet up for a brew sometime before the wedding or should I let it lie.

I think it would feel strange meeting them formally for the first time at the wedding itself.

Talk to your dd to get a feel for the right approach.

My parents met his parents, the night before the wedding. It was possibly a good thing that there was not more time for FIL to make the impression he did on my parents. . .

Maybe his parents don't want to?

MIL is very friendly and sociable, my parents are quiet and introverted.

They've met, and MIL has invited them to things, but my DM makes excuses My parents just aren't bothered about hanging out with her, they don't have anything in common really and wouldn't naturally be friends.

It’s not a play date, tell your daughter you’re willing and happy to meet them, leave the rest to her. You don’t need to run her life anymore.

Yes I have spoken to DD and she would very much like us to meet and is a little frustrated with the lack of response on their side.

She seems to have a generally good relationship with them and I don't want to spoil that by being to pushy.

I just thought suggesting a 1:1 either with or without DD might be helpful but it might just be me wanting an old fashioned joining of 2 families to go well when that is just not what they want.

Maybe run it past your daughter but I think it would be a nice thing to do.

My MIL and DM have met probably 30 times at different occasions over the last 15 years of our relationship- we have two kids so mostly they see each other at birthday parties, the odd family BBQ. My DF and FIL have probably met 5 times in passing.

They get on well and enjoy a glass of wine when together but I've never thought it strange they haven't met up without me!

My parents met his parents at the wedding. I think they have been together at most 2 times in the last 15 years.

our parents live far apart which is why it is so extreme, but even if they were closer, I wouldn’t expect them to really know one another.

@Eralos 🤣🤣🤣. She's in her 30's and quite independent. I have not had much to do with her life unless asked for pretty much 15 years now so no problem there thank you.

My parents and my in-laws have only met once. At our wedding. They live on opposite sides of the country and my parents are divorced so we don't do family gatherings.

Maybe they just don't want to meet you. They might think it's a bit forced and awkward.

Thank you all for your comments. Really helpful to see how others have got on with their children's in laws. I'm starting to think I should just leave well alone.

I love meeting new people and getting to know them and just thought it would be a nice thing to do but I accept that not everyone feels the same.

It isn't really the joining of two families, it's the joining of two people.

They don't sound interested and it would be a bit awkward and pushy to message when they have previously given excuses.

OP you sound lovely! If your DD is cool with it then why not send a brief message to her future mil saying that you'd love to meet up before the big day? Life is so much easier when everyone gets along and too short not to try.

My parents wouldn't have met my husband's parents too often , family occasions and such but they wouldn't be friends outside of that