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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I continue to help my neighbour?

23 replies

LegoSteppingStones · 23/09/2021 12:36

I live in a block of 4 flats. I maintain my garden at the back and the shared garden (cut grass and weed) at the front. The neighbour below me has his own paved area and patch of grass, same as everyone else in the block.
He's the only neighbour I don't get on with, I say hello in passing, take out his bin with mine etc but we aren't friends because of an incident with my young dog. I came out my house at the same time he walked out his front door (both front doors are next to each other) he was wobbly on his feet and staggering about almost falling down the step.
I asked if he was OK (knowing fine well he was drunk) but he replied saying "shut that dog up" my dog was barking, she doesn't usually bark at him but I think she was nervous of him because of his unsteadiness? He is very often drunk, he fills his own grey bin and mine full of his beer cans without fail, he doesn't work but is of working age (guessing 50s) he has fallen a few times into the bins and hurt himself, after which he asked if I'd cut his grass due to his injury. I did cut his grass and continued up until the incident with my dog barking at him. He has recently asked me to do his weeding along with his grass cut, I felt quite annoyed with this. He is able-bodied and of working age but doesn't work, he is an alcoholic, he has cut his own grass before and I'm sure he can pull out the weeds. If I continue to do it for him I feel it will never end. It would take me the best part of my weekend to do it as it has overgrown. It's not my garden and he's not offering to help me tackle it. AIBU?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 23/09/2021 12:37

Yabu to be a mug
Stop doing it all

Workinghardeveryday · 23/09/2021 12:39

Absolutely don’t do his grass!!!! He is being an extremely cf!!!!!

FreedomFaith · 23/09/2021 12:39

Say no? Confused

You aren't obligated to help him. He is asking because he thinks you will do it for free.

Flawedperfection · 23/09/2021 12:42

Fuck that, OP!
You helped him once- fine, that was lovely. Don’t make a rod for your own back and do it again. Help in an emergency is different- ie calling an ambulance for him if need be, but nip the cf favour asking in the bud!!

PheasantsNest · 23/09/2021 12:45

Tell him to do one. He's a CF.

WheresYourSnickers · 23/09/2021 12:48

Just say no. He sounds like a pain in the arse.

FleasInMyKnees · 23/09/2021 12:48

Stop doing his gardening
Put a bin lock on your bin

Is there a management team or residents association, are you paying them to do the gardening but doing it yourself.

LegoSteppingStones · 23/09/2021 12:49

Yeah I feel like a mug tbh Sad

OP posts:
Member984815 · 23/09/2021 12:50

I wouldn't be doing any of it

HoboSexualOnslow · 23/09/2021 12:58

My neighbour asked us to do his grass. Then his weeding. Then his fence painting. Then he paud thousands for an unlicenced person to cut down a tree. Then we started saying no! He has money but wanted freebies. Honestly some CFs wil continue until you're doung everything for them, for free.

LegoSteppingStones · 23/09/2021 12:58

No I don't pay anyone to do the garden. The front would become overgrown if I didn't do it. The other neighbours maintain their gardens in the block, it's just his area of garden at the back and he doesn't help with the front. Just a lazy neighbour when it comes to gardening.

OP posts:
Workinghardeveryday · 23/09/2021 13:12

My elderly dad does next doors garden, has for years. The lady is elderly herself and after her husband died my dad helped out.

She totally takes the piss!! He now cleans her car, paints fences, weekly gardening. She doesn’t even say thank you! She is actually quite rude!!

Don’t help him op. He won’t even be grateful, he will just see you as a mug and continue to use you.

LegoSteppingStones · 23/09/2021 13:17

Thanks guys

I shall de-mug and move on Wink

OP posts:
FleasInMyKnees · 23/09/2021 13:17

Is there a residents association. I was wondering more if you all pay a maintenance or service charge each year that includes the communal garden.

cstaff · 23/09/2021 13:28

So he is the one who doesn't work and has time on his hands and he asks YOU to do his freaking garden. Bloody hell OP he is taking you for a mug. Obviously say no...

DangerMouse5 · 23/09/2021 13:31

Quite right to say no, that's enough now.

If he was that drunk I doubt he can remember shouting at your dog. But reality is he is an able bodied adult who doesn't work and can do his own garden if he could be a*sed. It's laziness

And CF to expect you to give up your weekend to do it.

You were kind to help him for a few weeks or months. He can pay someone with a fraction of what he spends on lager or do it himself with his endless free time.

He isn't even a relative or friend of yours!! Don't let him steal any more of your time or energy.

Justilou1 · 23/09/2021 13:41

Tell him to ask his mummy

pelosi · 23/09/2021 13:46

@LegoSteppingStones

Thanks guys

I shall de-mug and move on Wink

Does that mean you'll stop cutting his grass too? Please say yes!#

And stop taking his bin out.

And hide your bin so he can't use it.

WhereIsMumHiding3 · 23/09/2021 17:53

@LegoSteppingStones

Thanks guys

I shall de-mug and move on Wink

It's really sweet to read that an OP has had supportive response to her post that has helped her feel ok to walk away from a toxic NDN who is being a CF.

He isn't disabled he isn't her friend he doesn't work and had plenty of time to do his own garden ... he drinks enough that he could afford to forgo some of his alcohol to pay for a gardener himself. But he doesn't want to.

It is so not OP's problem to fix - he can blipping do his own garden.

AdoraBell · 23/09/2021 17:59

As suggested by FleasinMyKnees get a lock for your bin and stop doing his garden. When he mentions it tell him you did cut the grass x times, don’t have time to do it anymore. Keep repeating you don’t have time to do it.

LegoSteppingStones · 23/09/2021 19:01

As soon as I see him I'll talk to him as long as he is sober Hmm
I can see now how much of a mug I was Blush
Lesson learnt

OP posts:
FleasInMyKnees · 23/09/2021 19:10

Are you going to keep doing the communal garden too or are they taking advantage.

44PumpLane · 23/09/2021 19:33

Stop cutting his grass, do not do his weeding and get a bin lick so he can't keep using your bin!!!

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