School residential trip - asd child.

[Kaley3043]

DS's class a residential trip soon. Ds has asd. Whilst I am grateful that they are willing to include him and said they are very happy for him to go, it's causing all sorts of issues

Ds doesn't really want to go. It's Monday-Friday. He doesn't want to sleep away from home, he never has and likes his routine. Usually they'd have a residential in year 4&5 but obviously not due to covid. In year 3 - he just did the daytime activities and come
Home but it was pretty close by so this was easy to do. This trip is 1.5 hours away so 3 hour round trip and not so bleddy easy with dp's work hours and younger kids. If Dp is on a late or night shift I couldn't drive 3 hours to pick Ds up with younger kids who need to go bed!!

He's really not bothered about going. I've told him he can buy only if he sleeps which he's not keen on. Of course I'd pick him up if he needed to come home but I didn't want Ds to think I'll be driving up and down the county.

It's also a lot of money (nearly £400) to be sprung on us last minute - didn't give us much notice because of uncertainty around covid.

I've told Ds if he doesn't go I'll consider using the money and booking a weekend mini break in half term instead. Somewhere where I'd feel he would have so much more fun.

It's also the money I would spend on things he might need to take

He's not a very outdoorsy kids either. It's canoeing, forest walking, moorland walks, archery. He's just not interested in that s**t 😅 and I honestly think he'll be bored.

It's also self care things. He is unable to shower without help, wash etc!

The school aren't giving me a clear answer on what would happen if he didn't go - if there's others not going or whether he can go into a different class! He seemed happy with the idea of going in with an old teacher 😅

I just feel the school are putting pressure on him and us for him to go.

Like I said, I should be grateful as so many children with sen are excluded from the trips. That does not happen at DS's school - they involve everyone in everything which is great.

I just don't feel it's the right thing for him and we can't find £400 within a month or two especially with Christmas is coming up.

Wwyd?

It's also things like the food - very selective eater. It's 5 days and not knowing if he's eating or not and can't send him with 5 days worth of food!

Wow it’s £400? That’s a lot I would leave it. My daughter has autism and her school always exclude her from trips so like you said it’s nice they are including him but he doesn’t want to go and it’s a lot of money so I would leave forget it.

I just don't feel it's the right thing for him and we can't find £400 within a month or two especially with Christmas is coming up.

If they've only just announced the residential and you need to pay £400 before christmas then I suspect your DS won't be the only one not attending. It would be difficult for most families to find that sort of money with a years notice, but giving you just a few months will make it impossible for many.

I would say your Ds doesn't want to attend, and wait and see what the arrangments are for those not attending. If it's high numbers that are unable to attend then they may cancel the trip as it won't be finanically viable.

How’s the school SENCO? Can you ask to meet with them to discuss the options? Your child won’t be the first in his position so they should be able to talk you through what arrangements / accommodations they’ve made in the past.

I do sympathise. My DS has ASD and is going on his Y6 residential in a few weeks. He wants to go and is very excited, but I’m really anxious as he’s only ever spent 2 nights away from me (one being when his
younger sibling was born) and he only eats about 5 things

They want him to go as they have to provide work for him and supervise him if he is in school. It sounds like you’ll pay the £400 and end up picking him up after a day anyway!
I didn’t go on my school residential, I was a very shy child and didn’t want to stay away from home. I went into school everyday, there were 3-4 other children and we just did worksheets and read books.

I think you need to separate the issues, finding the money at short notice is something a lot of families will have an issue with and school have probably got some solutions to help with that.

His not enjoying the activities and being bored, this would be a non issue for me, its part of the curriculum and you'll find most kids actually do enjoy it once there with their teachers and peers.

The main issue for me is his SEN needs, you need to write down all your concerns, ie washing / showering, dietary needs etc and have a meeting with school and get it in writing exactly how each of these needs will be met. What would happen if he doesn't settle and no one is available to collect him. This is the part you really need to consider, if you don't feel his needs can be met adequately then he doesn't go. School are required to make arrangements for any pupils that don't go on the residentials (usually in another classroom).

I wouldn't offer the chance of a weekend away for not going, that's encouraging him not to want to be independent. That isn't to say you can't take him away, just don't tell him its instead of this.

Thanks all. I never went on school residential either. Saying that, there was only one in year 6. Nowadays it starts younger!! Obviously none in year 4&5 for his class because of covid...

The trip was first mentioned informally in July as a May happen kind of thing and now come about again. Ds has always said he doesn't want to go. I have tried to encourage him but he's expecting to be picked up and took back like he did in year 3 but it's just not do-able every day and so far. I've told him either sleeps or doesn't go.. I sound mean but I can't be doing nearly 200 miles a day taking him to and from twice a day!

If he doesnt want to sleep there or do the activities then dont make him (unless he is a mind changer when you get there type.
Dc just did kayaking /archery etc and apparently one of the other kids didnt enjoy it due to getting all dirty. This was a few hours trip and £40-60 or so.
I prepared dc as they may not have been happy falling in the river etc.

Also bear in mind any of the kids could get ill overnight etc

@HSHorror

If he doesnt want to sleep there or do the activities then dont make him (unless he is a mind changer when you get there type. Dc just did kayaking /archery etc and apparently one of the other kids didnt enjoy it due to getting all dirty. This was a few hours trip and £40-60 or so. I prepared dc as they may not have been happy falling in the river etc.

Also bear in mind any of the kids could get ill overnight etc

I really don't think he will be interested. He has very unique interests himself. On his year 3 residential (day time activities for him) he hated all the walking and his ta said it was a struggle. Canoeing worries as DS isn't a strong swimmer at all. I know they will have life jackets but I think it would scare him.

I do think a 4 night trio is a too much of a commitment with covid at the minute. I believe a 1 or 2 night trip would have been more suited. Covid is rife where I live. I'd hope that the money would be refunded to parents of covid cancelled their trip!

It just generally worries. It's very rare he had a meltdown at school now but concerned that something could trigger him and the teacher won't have idea how to sort and I'm 50 miles away!!

I was undiagnosed till adulthood. I still remember the residential at the end of my primary school, all the children laughing and poking me as I huddled under blankets and sobbed my heart out. God it was so miserable.

If he doesn't want to go then really, REALLY don't make him. He'll be fine at school, others will be 'left behind' too, they might get dumped into Year 5 for the week or might be in a group on their own depending on numbers.

I sent autistic DD on her Year 6 residential. Because while a bit scared about it all, she didn't want to miss out. She had a personalised risk assessment where I could outline her difficulties e.g. with toileting, sleeping, food and the staff made sure she was OK and didn't starve.

I think it would have ended up being a very positive experience for her if she hadn't gotten ill on the trip! Unfortunately she caught a nasty cold halfway through and suffered thereafter, especially as she didn't have her main source of comfort i.e. me. She also won't take meds so couldn't have anything to relieve the symptoms. The trip was too far away for me to reasonably collect her. (This bit pisses me off, they shouldn't have been so far away in the first place; if they'd been an hour away I would probably have had a phone call and would have jumped in the car.)

All that said, she's still overall glad she went. But although our kids sound super alike, the major difference is that SHE WAS DESPERATE TO GO. So I'd have been actively preventing her from going if I'd said no. We'd always said that we would give her the choice about the Year 6 trip: we would neither force her to go nor refuse to let her go. Had she been against the whole idea, or even just a bit ambivalent about it, she would have stayed in school.

Your son won't be the only one not going; others will also stay behind for varying reasons.

It’s a shame so many schools still go for the big four or five night school trip, which is stressful for some kids and expensive for parents. I know some schools are breaking it down , starting in year three or four with school movie night sleepovers (kids come back to school on a Friday night at about 7.00, with sleeping bags, watch movie, have hot chocolate, are picked up on Saturday morning at 8.00 after a toast or croissant breakfast. ) needs staff happy to supervise but it seems to work well and is a good way of breaking the duck of school sleeping over trips. They then do a two night camping trip in Y5. So even if a long school trip is too much for some they have at least had a taste in a measured way and at an accessible cost for parents.

I wouldn’t over-think this. If your DS really doesn’t want to go, AND you think he might struggle and need to be picked up early, AND you can’t really afford to pay for it within a short timeframe, you shouldn’t send him.

It’s great that the school is so inclusive, but that doesn’t mean you are obliged to take them up on every offer. They will need to fill the spaces on the trip, but that is not your personal responsibility.

He will be ok staying behind at school that week – my DD’s primary always has a few kids that don’t go on trips, and they go into another class, and it’s perfectly ok.

This really jumped out at me "Whilst I am grateful that they are willing to include him". They bloody well should be taking him and you shouldn't need to feel grateful about it as it should be the norm for send children to be included.

However, if he can't manage it don't send him. It's not your problem if school will struggle to find somewhere else in school for him. They should have considered what he could manage before booking somewhere. Is there any reason why they haven't booked the same place again or somewhere else that's closer?

You could also ask them to provide the transport to make it accessible.

look at point 6.49 on page 89

www.equalityhumanrights.com/sites/default/files/technical_guidance_for_schools_england.pdf

He really doesn't want to go for several reasons so I wouldn't send him.