Wanting to be a single mum

[SS17]

Was a single mum for 2.5years. Started dating, introduced new man to daughter 6 months after dating, a year later moved in together, it's been 2 years now and everything is good. She calls him daddy (started to happen naturally) and I was overjoyed with the happiness of being a family.

Well.
For the last 3 months(ish) I've started to feel like I just want to be a single mum again.
I feel like I want to be on my own, just me and her. My partner will go for beers straight from work and it will royally p!Ss me off because he bangs on about being a family unit but then I'm left to be expected to have 0 plans and expected to just look after the child. I think a lot of this is why I'm thinking I want to be on my own because I feel like I am anyway so why do I want the stress of arguing with him to stop assuming I'm available and that I haven't made plans.

I have to let him know days/weeks in advance yet he'll just text me at 5 saying 'going for beers'. I'll then sit and eat dinner by myself whilst his gets cold cause he's not home for 7 when he says he will be and comes strolling in at 10/11. Fucks me right off. (Sorry about the languages)

Anyway. What's more confusing is all this annoys me, but then when he does come home I'm annoyed because he won't shower for ages, leaving dirt/dust on everything, slobs around making the place look untidy, I can spend all frigging day making the house spotless and then he'll come in and walk the dirt and dust to the front room and plonk on the sofa. Just piss back off out fgs.

Some days I want to marry the pants off the man, some days I want to be a single mum.

Is this Normal or am I just a psycho?

You’re normal, he’s a selfish a-hole.
Find yourself a better man.

You are not a psycho. He sounds like a pig. You will be so much happier not living with a pig.

I his head he just has a gf, his not a 'dad' and doesn't feel responsible for your child, whether or not that would change if you had a child together nobody knows.

You can leave a relationship for any reason, he isn't meeting your expectations so it's time for him to go. Next time, don't let your DD call your bf dad it'll make the process easier for her. The word 'dad' is very emotive.

Well she is your daughter, not your partners, so yes, caring for and raising your daughter is your responsibility, not your partners. Bit odd to call your daughter “the child”.

The rest of the stuff is a different issue.

He sounds like a selfish, boorish twat. He is not going to improve-quite the reverse; if you choose to stay in the relationship, you are accepting that.

@SS17 Hi! I have a similar story to you. he's 47 and I'm 28 so he's done with pubs and going out etc.. plus we moved away by the sea where we don't really know anyone. We're trying to plan to get married next year, engaged in December...

But I was a single mum for 3 years and I miss it too.. can't explain why or how because I was dead broke, working all the time, not really enjoying life but just living.

Now we have a great life, I work for him so we are together every day, he doesn't pay me because he's said I benefit from everything while I'm here - he wants a prenup.

Kind of annoying because he doesn't pay me to work for him, I'm around the clock his PA, his free labour, errand runner, cleaner, basically a backbone. Kind of feel like I'm wasting my life with no real job oh it turns out no home if he leaves me when we're married.

So, I think I'll stay unmarried and at least have a fall back to the benefits system. Which sucks but my first husband left me in an awful state while he ran away with the army. 🙄

Hmmm, part of you is reasonable (he definitely needs to stop the mess and have showers etc), he should definitely be more consistent with his timing. If he plans to go out he needs to be clear about it and not to leave you sitting and waiting. But I don't think it is reasonable to expect him to look after your child. It is exclusively your job. On the whole it doesn't sound like this man brings a lot of positives into your life, so not entirely sure why would you continue with this relationship

It's because his take on it is he has a girlfriend, not that he's a parent with responsibilities at home.

Lots of men talk the talk about being a family unit etc because they know it's what you want to hear, but then if the relationship breaks down they sod off at light speed and have zero interest in seeing the child any more.

It's not you, its him.

Sounds as though you have inflicted an awfully selfish man on your daughter after just six months of knowing him. She had no choice in this.

Get rid of him and be single again - life will be much more pleasant, and your daughter won’t be growing up with an arsehole in her life.

You are a soluble all and I can relate to this so much. Very frustrating. The thing about cleaning especially, poor you having to do everything - so much for a family unit.

It's up to you what you do. All I'd say is, if you do decide to be single again it just means you have to be careful and keep your daughter separate for a while.

I wouldn't blame you though and sometimes I wonder the same about myself.