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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is he? Help

4 replies

dbscertificate · 22/09/2021 22:22

I don’t know if I’m BU, but here it is. I’ve been waiting to start this new job for a few weeks. We have the kids 50/50. He was meant to pick them up on Monday, so I texted him on Monday to remind him around 2pm. He calls me and tells me that his mum fell down the stairs Sunday and broke her hip, she’s in hospital and about to have emergency surgery so he cannot pick the kids up. I told him that’s fine, I’ll pick them up. I called him the next day just to ask how his mother is doing and get updates on the situation. He tells me his mother has had the surgery, she’s going to live with his sister once she’s discharged and she will take care of her. OK. Mind you, while all of this is going on I was waiting for my DBS check to come through, and got my certificate today. My manager asked me to come down tomorrow to discuss a start date and shifts. I told him this, and asked him what the plan is with the kids since I’m going back to work. He just flips out saying I don’t give a shit about his mum, I’m selfish etc. ( we’ve never had the best of relationship, but I still asked how she was doing)

I don’t know what he wants me to do, every time I call him he’s always at home. He’s not like his running around like a headless chicken. I get that his mum is at the hospital but it’s not like he’s there 24/7. She’s had the surgery, and is now in the recovery ward waiting to be discharged in the next week or two , then she’s going to her daughters house. He just goes to the hospital to see her. He doesn’t work. Why can’t he do this while the kids are at school? He’s not telling me anything in regards to the kids. I told him once my DBS comes through, I have to work. I’m going to see my manager tomorrow to arrange a start date.

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong? I wouldn’t even say anything to him if I wasn’t working, but I have to work?? He can’t just expect me to drop everything because his mother is in hospital? AIBU?

OP posts:
Mrstamborineman · 22/09/2021 22:25

What plans can you make without relying on him.

mummydinosaurRawr · 22/09/2021 22:28

You’re not unreasonable, but he is unreliable. Look for childcare that allows you to work without depending on him.

dbscertificate · 23/09/2021 08:00

He's normally very reliable, doesn't cancel or anything like that. But he's a mummy's boy, and this was one of the reasons why we split up. I just don't understand why everything has to go out of the window because his mum is at the hospital. How many people don't take care of their parents, while having a full time job, kids and a house? Just be more organised and go see your mum while kids are at school? I mean, does he really expect me not to work cuz his mum is at the hospital Confused

OP posts:
TempName01 · 23/09/2021 11:06

He needs to sort alternative childcare if he can’t have them during his agreed days.

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