Unfinished jobs everywhere

[Haribobabyvoice]

Anyone else’s home like this and how do you get Dp/dh to move his arse and do them?
I keep up my side of things in the house to be done (the majority of things I end up doing ) lots of little things are just left until I hint about them/ask for the millionth time,
Examples include: painting the bathroom ceilings, up to a year now, still not done, the front hedges overflowing, a drawer front that’s fallen off completely, an old plasma tv that needs throwing away, just left in the spare room.
Every time I’ll say I’ll do it, he says he will, but never does.
Anyone have similar? Everything is always ‘I’ll do it later’ but it never is done, just do it now 🤷🏻‍♀️😫

DH and I (both neurodivergent) live like this. Half finished projects all over the house. I know it's difficult. We just have to steel ourselves to get them done, which we eventually will.

Mainly just bumping the thread for you, btw.

Just do it

Don’t say you’re going to do it, or ask repeatedly. Just getting on with it if it bothers you

@HerrenaHarridan It’s a bit hard on top of everything else 😫

@AutistGoth Thank you!

Does it not stress you out 🙈

But with things like the TV, just pick it up, and either bin it, take it to the skip or arrange a council collection?

Pick your battles. Can you not take the Tv to the tip? Ceiling painting is a big job, we have an undone one I dampblocked the patches.

Yes here too but we have four children and both work. I only do 3 days but have a 3 year old to look after on my days off and you don't get anything done between food shop and school run. Then weekends are spent shipping kids to football, parties etc seeing family. Just zero time. We need a good couple of weeks off work with no kids but all our annual leave is taken up covering kids school holidays. As well as the smaller jobs we need whole rooms decorated. We discussed this a few months back and decided (husband hates getting people in) to just pay people. But then very few turned up for quotes. Those that did the majority didn't actually provide a quote or it was just ridiculously high and one bloke who we booked in failed to turn up twice!

Yup 👍🏻

Just pay someone to do it. Tell him if it’s not done by x date you will be booking someone in to do it.
Also you need to redistribute the existing work. He should be doing more.
If neither of these things change I’d be reassessing then whole relationship

Yep , I have a whole list of little jobs and my DH seems oblivious to them ! I am having someone come to do a bit of painting and they are handymen so might get them to just do some odd bits , my dh is absolutely useless at diy. I will do the bits I can do and just delegate to him what he can do and pay someone to do the rest

@MichelleScarn It’s huge and heavy

I have a handy man who is booked for 1 day a month. I save up the jobs and he comes and sorts them in that day.

You will have to do them if you care and he doesn’t. It’s not hard.

Omg yes here too
I just have to not think about it/try to shut off from it or it really gets me down.
My DH is very handy, will try his hand at everything. But just does not have time to get stuff done. But will not entertain the idea of getting someone in to do stuff, even though we could afford to do that sometimes.
He has been doing up the downstairs cloakroom, he started seven months ago… SEVEN MONTHS!!! We were 3-4 months without a toilet in there but now the new one is plumbed in he has just left it. No counter top no sink no tap and all his tools in there. It’s so very depressing, and he did a nice job of tiling the floor and painting but by the time he does the rest, that will be looking tired!
It’s so draining and I don’t want to nag every weekend but it gets me down.
A friend suggested withholding sex til it’s done so that might be what I try next.

Yes.

And I need to say that these replies of “just do it yourself” are not very helpful. It is 2021. In other threads it’s all like “we should share the mental workload” and “you have a DH problem” and “have a serious talk, I would not tolerate this”. But here the answer is basically “house jobs are a woman’s problem and she should finish them”.

OP, no advice. DH and I have had multiple serious talks where I explain how unhappy it makes me to do all the mental work, and how much I do, and to have to on top of that beg for him to finish the jobs he agreed to take. DH’s answer is that he does
a lot too (which he does) and is busy (he is) and will do it (at some unspecified time). It improves for a while but never for long. I often do finish them myself, or start doing them with loud running commentary of how miserable it is that I have to do them and then DH takes over. They are not good solutions but they do something, incrementally, slow.

If you do finish a job like this yourself, please do it at the expense of something you’d do for DH, not at the expense of something you’d do for DC or yourself (such as sleep).

I take charge of almost all this kind of stuff and either do it myself or get someone in. I work part time so I do have more time than DP.

Dp is very handy, so can easily do these bits. It’s just when it’s left there 🤷🏻‍♀️The tv upstairs, yes, it’s heavy, but not for him really, takes two minutes to take it to the big bin. It’s just sat against the wall, why

Yep constantly! We both just shrug and say we have better (more interesting!) things to do with our time! But if it's something that bothers me I get someone in to do that one thing, it then prompts him to suddenly do the rest of the stuff!!

If it’s bothering you more than him, and you can’t do it yourself you are going to have to get more persistent.
Ask ‘When are you taking the tv to the tip’, if he says ‘later’, you need to say ‘ok but when?’ Nail him down. Yes it’s nagging and you shouldn’t have to do it but if it’s bothering you 🤷‍♀️

I can relate but now I'm single I have no-one to moan about. I paint my own walls and at least try to do stuff myself before giving in and calling a handyman. This will sound awful, but with the quote situation I ended up going with a local Polish handyman - he's reasonable and efficient. This was after more than a handful of English guys promising me work was going to be done and it not transpiring.

I would also say if he doesn't want to do it himself he should put up the money for you to organise it.