To think rapid return doesn't actually work!?

[anonymousanne]

So my DD is 2 1/2. She came out of her cot at the beginning of August as she learnt how to climb out. So we took the sides off. We have followed the rapid return method that supernanny Jo Frost swears by but AIBU to think that it doesn't actually work?

Almost every single night since she went into her bed she comes out numerous times. We do not engage her after we have said our good nights and tucked her in. We have a solid nighttime routine so it isn't that.
We have pretty much dropped naps as I didn't want to have to leave the baby downstairs whilst battling her to have a nap, so now she either has a little nap on the sofa or we go the long way round in the car so she drops off. Always aim for before lunch and no more than 20/30 mins as otherwise she is a nightmare come bedtime. She is definitely tired at bedtime but it's like she can't help herself!? She isn't crying, or distressed. She does like her bedroom and has been self soothing since 13 months old.

What exactly are we doing wrong cos supernanny makes out you hold firm for a few nights and job done 🙄

Due back at work soon so DH is going to have to do the bedtime routine with them both (so we were hoping to have cracked this before them). Don't want her staying up late and don't want to come home from work to two awake and overtired kids!

Have you tried dropping naps completely? At that age if my daughter had so much as a 10-15 minute nap at any point in the day she would be awake 1-2 hours past her normal bedtime. Without naps she would asleep at around 6:30 every night as she has always done.

Stair gate on her door, make room safe, put her to bed and leave her to it for various lengths of time. If she wants to read/play whatever she can quietly and in her bed anf eventually she should fall asleep.

We also have an alexa playing music for dd

Stair gate on door and leave her in the to play or read with a lamp on. Make sure she can get back into bed. She will soon learn.

Put a stair gate on the bedroom door?

DD had a stairgate on her door and a selection of jigsaws and other activity games and her books and would just potter around her room for an hour or so.

@FlamingoDust

Have you tried dropping naps completely? At that age if my daughter had so much as a 10-15 minute nap at any point in the day she would be awake 1-2 hours past her normal bedtime. Without naps she would asleep at around 6:30 every night as she has always done.

On the days she has no naps she is the devil 😈 she will taunt her brother++, climb++, just generally stop listening and becomes increasingly ratty. She actually does still need longer naps than 20 mins really but just trying to juggle it all.

Thanks everyone, we did order a baby gate when she first went into her bed but returned it because we thought if we preserved with rapid return she would be staying in her room by now. Perhaps we need to try it (and hope it's not something else our little gymnast will perfect climbing over).
I'm happy for her to read in her room (we took all toys out but books/teddies-suppose we could put a small selection back). She has taken herself back to bed before after roaming around her room so potentially a good suggestion.

I'm following this thread.

I'm in a slightly different position that my 2 year old (3 in December) is still breastfed to sleep 🤦‍♀️

I'm familiar with and teach families gradual retreat but that tends to be under the age of 3 - in a cot. Which DS hasn't been in since he was 18 months.

He only self settles for the childminder.

All these people who say let her read/play til she drifts off to sleep.. how does that happen?

One of my children would scream continuously for hours when we tried this sort of thing. In fact, at five, still would do now. And yes, they go to sleep fine by theirselves at bedtime.

No, it doesn’t work for everyone…

@DollyDinkle

Stair gate on door and leave her in the to play or read with a lamp on. Make sure she can get back into bed. She will soon learn.

To me this is really weird. If you are happy for your child to read or play then why lock them in their room to do it? Would you shut them in there at other times of day?

@CurlyWurly321 mine fed to sleep until 3, we were going to stop sooner but then covid hit and besides anything else I was lonely and scared and enjoyed the cuddles and normality. I thought he’d never stop and we’d missed our chance. At 3 and 2 months it just naturally stopped: went from “oh god he’s going to just carry on forever unless I cold-turkey him” to weaned within a week. I wouldn’t worry too much.

OP really hope you get sorted, the stair gate and quiet play option sounds worth a try.

I think your problem is she needs more nap so is overtired at bedtime. Overtiredness increases cortisol levels making it harder to drop off.

How old is your baby? Can you bring the baby upstairs and pop them safely in a cot while you put DD down for a nap?

If not try moving bedtime earlier so she isnt exhausted and hyper.

If you are happy for your child to read or play then why lock them in their room to do it? Would you shut them in there at other times of day?

Isnt it obvious? For plenty of kids they dont actually want to stay up and play, they want to hang out with mummy and daddy. The stair gate removes that option so meaning they often choose the sleep they need.

Another few things that worked for my two OP

• sunset lamp (we have a lumie bedbug one but I would guess there are cheaper alternatives) - seems to make kids magically drowsy and reduce bedtime resistance in my house
• bath not too warm, then when they get out let them run around a few mins with nothing on to cool down. Your body temp needs to drop before bedtime, it helps kick start melatonin production to send you to sleep.
• make sure you have a long enough bedtime routine. We've found both our two need a drawn out routine with time for 20 or 30 minutes of stories and songs, to wind down at this age.

Is rapid return the same as 1000 walks? So each time they get out you return them to the bed each time they get out?

If so it took my son 6 weeks before he got it. We were close to calling professionals and I was stressed every night missing our lovely evenings (previously he would self settle in his cot talking to his toys before going to sleep).

It was either a co-incidence or this helped. The night he stopped jumping out of bed was the night we turned his bed round. One side of his bed had a safety rail running the whole length and one had a half length rail. He broke the half length rail so we turned it round.

It could be psychological but having a low rail helped him stay in bed. When we go away we take a bed guard and this again helps. If we forget it - he struggles to stay in bed.

I know this isn’t what you want to hear but I think this age is the toughest for bed times but it is just a phase. For us it was that DS needed a nap because otherwise he was super grouchy and upset come bedtime but it was too much sleep in a 24 hour period so he would take an hour+ to go to sleep.

I think you’ll find it will sort itself out when you drop the nap - we went back to 7-7(ish) sleep a week or so after the nap went.

But it’s a bloody tough period and a big leap when you decide that it’s time to drop that lovely nap!

Good luck!

[quote Verbena87]@CurlyWurly321 mine fed to sleep until 3, we were going to stop sooner but then covid hit and besides anything else I was lonely and scared and enjoyed the cuddles and normality. I thought he’d never stop and we’d missed our chance. At 3 and 2 months it just naturally stopped: went from “oh god he’s going to just carry on forever unless I cold-turkey him” to weaned within a week. I wouldn’t worry too much.

OP really hope you get sorted, the stair gate and quiet play option sounds worth a try.[/quote]
Oh I'm not worried about weaning. My middle son stopped at the same age and in the same way as your DC.

What worries me is getting him off to sleep once he's weaned.

It currently takes 5 minutes of boob to get him to sleep.

Without that we have bed hopping, cart wheels and breakdancing.

@Porcupineintherough for us it stopped him going into the bathroom and playing with the taps - we would open the gate again once we went to bed so that when he woke in the morning he could come into our bed with us, but that initial part of the evening where he was just settling down we had to - his toys were all in his room so he would only wander to go through our bedroom stuff or play with the bath.

@CurlyWurly321 ahhh. Going to nonchalantly stroll away whistling and pretending I don’t know what you’re talking about. (We’ve had ‘climbing onto the windowsill’ as a fun supplementary activity to the cartwheels lately.)