That this is weird and I don't know what to do

[Quick99]

Weird one looking for detached answers from people outside situation please.
I moved my dd a couple years ago from a failing school to another school a couple of villages along. At this time another parent of failing school I knew from PTA events (her child in different year group) contacted
Me as she was thinking of moving her children I will call this woman Ann. I gave her some bits of advice regarding the council etc and kept her updated about how my dd was getting on. Ann was and is far better off financially than me so I assumed she'd move her children to private school she moved them to dd new school.
I met up with her a few times for coffee and went on a few nights out with her with my friends so of whom thought she was a bit off but I liked her and felt I wanted to include her.
She started to become friendly with mums in my year group also (though her children are different ages).
Ann took it upon herself to organise a surprise bday party for me which was odd as we weren't really that friendly and she has only met some of my friends and the school mums I knew so lots people not invited also my husband and close friends found it really weird. I tried to see that she was being nice but it did feel awkward.
Long story short she then upset one of my long term friends basically Ann tried it on with a good friend of mine then accused her of being a liar.
At this point other friends had told me that they'd heard rumours of Ann being unhinged and volatile. I tried to keep my distance from Ann which she was not happy about she started on me on the school run. Also staring at me and creeping me out.
She added friends of mine she hadn't met from my facebook to be her friend. The house next door to me went up for sale she put an offer in on it thank goodness someone else brought it in the end. She's started hanging around a lot with the mums in my year group which is fine I've tried to take a step back and I've not gossiped about her just gone grey rock.
I volunteered for a number of years in a small niche charity not local to to me as in same village it's in the next city along. its not aligned to Ann's profession at all normally there's about 10 or under volunteers so a very small charity. Today the charity shared the 2 latest volunteer recruits one of which being Ann.
This is all so weird isn't it?!

Basically after a night out she ended up given my friend (friend from childhood I've known forever) lift home then tried to kiss her and came on to her sexually. My friend was extremely distressed by it and still is months on I've got no doubt she is telling the truth. Both friend and Ann married.

This sounds like a mental health issue.

Just to avoid any confusion, I was referring to Motherland, I don't know the OP and sorry to trivialise!

Thanks hygge 😁😆

love that prog!

Have you done a deep dive on her social media?

Am wondering if this is a pattern? That she routinely does this in groups?

Do you know if she has any long term friends? Or are they always recent acquaintances?

Devil's very interesting point. She removed me off Facebook once she realised I'd sided with my friend. People I had assumed she'd been good friends with it turned out as I spent more time with her they werent that close. She had fallen out with a few school mums at old school before moving over (only found this out after her kids started at dds school).

@HyggeTygge 😂😂

This is all very strange. I think you are doing all you can. Maybe keep notes also, of anything she says or does.

If you have any influence at the charity I would ask them not to let her volunteer. She is clearly blurring the boundaries and a bit stalkery. I know that sounds harsh but there are lots of charities that need volunteers so it doesn't have to be one that is linked to you. I think you need as much distance as possible.

Really thought there was going to be an almighty row then @hyggetygge . I had a "friend" like this. Added all my friends onto her SM, joined her DD up to the same clubs as my DC etc etc etc. It took me a while to realise she was completely draining me, and just how weird it was. Thankfully our DC ended up going to different secondary schools and I started ghosting her. She only lives around the corner from me, but haven't seen her in years now

Go with your gut, if it feels weird it is weird

Wow this is very weird and creepy! Sounds like she has a personality disorder and you’d be right to stay clear!
Often these types are overly but oddly friendly at the start (see love bombing). Unfortunately things have not been helped by the mixing of your friends at the start. This is often how they weed themselves ‘innocently’ in and today’s age of social media makes it easier for vampires to latch on and collect people! This is not your fault, it’s an easy mistake that a lot of people make who are just being kind - just don’t get burnt twice and fade out!

YANBU. I have had this happen to me, everywhere I went. Everywhere. I had one sacred place I knew she didn’t know I went. She heard about it asked another random person if she could come to her house (had never met them) for this group and I froze when I saw her. I am totally ordinary, nothing exciting, no idea why she picked me, I was friendly with her due to our kids being in class together but it became overwhelming.
My dh thought I was being ridiculous, didn’t get it at all but it was a feeling as well as knowing it can’t have been coincidence. I can’t explain it at all. It was a really difficult time.
In the end I deleted her from all social media, blocked her on my phone and completely ignored her at school. I didn’t go to things I knew she now went to and I actually sent my kids to a different nursery as she started working at our local one. I couldn’t cope with the thought of her spending time with them.
Fast forward about 5 years - I can now say hi to her without worry as she will have moved onto someone else I assume. I’ll be honest I did miss out on things and it changed friendships with others too but for my sanity I needed to do it. Back away as quickly as possible, block, delete and move on. It will be ok.

Oh yes and she friended random friends of mine on fb too and I’d hear through others she’d been talking about my kids etc. Was always so lovely to my dh too. Nightmare.

Bunny boiler. Op ask your boss at the volunteer post to not take this woman on as she’s stalking you. ( if you feel comfortable sharing this with her and think she will be open to your POV)
If not the. I would quit , perhaps in the understanding that she will probably quit too then you can go back??
I’d start a diary of all the weird appearances / coincidences etc and dates etc.
You may need this going forward.
Try your best to stay away from her, block her, don’t answer calls etc. Hopefully she will get the message.
I’d you feel in danger at any point straight to police I think.

@HyggeTygge

You asked Ann to plan a surprise party for you - at least that's how I remember it, Amanda

Is this "ann"

This ⬆️ is why I have three close friends and family who I will be open with and lots of “friendly acquaintances “ who don’t get the details of my life. People get too invested, people gossip, argue etc. As someone who avoids gossip and doesn’t like speaking negatively of others it’s all too much for me. Luckily I have a group of friends who have an unspoken agreement that we are going to keep it light, cheerful and positive and we have a good energy. Maybe she is weird or maybe it’s coincidence and rumours. We here on the internet don’t actually know. I do remember though being very surprised though, as someone who is busy 7 days a week, that a random mum I hadn’t seen for years thought a couple of coincidental meeting we had at events were deliberate on my part. Surprised and very amused .

You have a stalker. They are insanely hard to shift

I had an Annie who was just like this! She joined my course at college, started contacting all my friends, bought the same dog as me etc. I got to her house one day and she pulled out a massive bag of birthday decorations and a notepad filled with ideas and to do lists. She told me she had planned my entire birthday party for me. Her boyfriend laughed at her (poor guy was shocked) and said "erm Annie maybe she'd like to plan it herself" I told her thanks but I wasn't having a party I was going to Florence with friends and she lost it. Asked us both to leave then accused me of trying to steal her bf and never contacted me again.

@HyggeTygge

You asked Ann to plan a surprise party for you - at least that's how I remember it, Amanda

I see what you did there @HyggeTygge but I'm not sure others do! Its a reference from Motherland - the controlling narc Amanda and her browbeaten sidekick Ann.

Sorry I see @HyggeTyggealready answered. I'll get me coat.

I'm surprised no one has said is she an ow.
By the way she is behaving, and trying to almost be like you in some ways, including wanting to live by you, I would question whether she is having an affair with your husband.

@HyggeTygge

You asked Ann to plan a surprise party for you - at least that's how I remember it, Amanda

😂 I really hope you did your dance

Tea interesting thought my oh cannot stand her and warnef me she was weird from their first meeting.
The love bombing absolutely on the money she was full of compliments and very friendly.