To ask for help on styling myself??

[FrankieDobie]

I’ve never been into fashion. When I was 13/14 I used to go through my mums catalogue making wish lists of clothes that would be best to walk a dog in. I’ve always lived on scruffy jeans and t-shirts.
I’ve just turned 40 and am having a bit of a mid life crisis, I’ve decided to make an effort but I’ve got no idea how! I’ve just ordered 2 pairs of “slim” jeans from Next (I usually wear skinny) but the ankles seem massive! Is this what people are wearing these days? With what shoes? I’m 5ft 10 so don’t want to wear heels 😭

Also, I’ve had the same hairstyle since I was 11. Tied back in a pony tail (yes I did say I’m 40 now), what type of hairstyle should I be looking at to freshen myself up??

AIBU to literally have no idea how to make myself look decent?? I’m so frumpy and I’m sick of it. I’m a size 14 if that makes any difference.

Go somewhere with a personal shopper who will make you try on lots of things and help you work out what looks good.

Or get stich fix or a similar personal styling subscription!

I once went shopping with a colleauge/friend who always looked really well put together. I asked her if we could go shopping (I'd buy the coffees etc) and if she could help make suggestions and force me to try stuff on. It worked quite well! This was before personal shopping was as prevalent - if you have a trusted friend, try that maybe?

Start with a new hairstyle.

A good cut with some layers and highlights will make you feel great!

Get yourself fitted with a new bra that properly fits and some new knickers while you are at it!

Then look through the Next pages at what you like and order it….try on at home and return if no good.

I’m going to have a look now…..oh and Converse are good with jeans.

I think this would look good with jeans

Maybe tell us what your day/week is like and what you need new clothes for….

I have always worn my hair up or in a ponytail and in the last couple of years I had my hair cut and wear it down all the time now. It's really changed how I feel and I feel so much better now.

Maybe start off with a haircut, give yourself some confidence and then go out shopping and try on some clothes, see what you like and what suits you

I totally hear you on this!

I'd recommend a few things:

• Are there any celebs you like the style of that you could take inspiration from?
• Start a Pinterest board of pictures of outfits/haristyles you like - it'll suggest others and will help you build up more of an idea
• Book a free online personal shopper session with John Lewis - they ask questions in advance and will show you some suggestions and also how to style clothes differently, but you're under no obligation to order any
• Sign up with Thread or StitchFix (they suggest items based on info you give them and styles you've selected as liking. Stitch Fix sends you items and you return what you don't want and get charged for what you keep)
• Get your colours done so you really understand what colours work on you an what don't, it makes shopping much easier!

I had an online session with John Lewis last year and afterwards did a really ruthless review of my wardrobe with fresh eyes and actually discovered some things I'd forgotten about and could make outfits from in different ways, so didn't need to buy half as much new stuff as expected. It gave me more confidence to try new things.

Good luck!

A new hairstyle would probably help you to kick start the new 'you ', but I suggest that you go with a good, and easy to look after, cut rather than something you need to style yourself or that needs a lot of maintenance. From experience - if you're not used to doing much with your hair it is really difficult to keep it looking good at first if you have no idea how to do so (and its a real faff!) I second the personal shopper suggestion, but don't be afraid to choose things for yourself as well, or to say no if you don't feel comfortable in something. You may well look absolutely fantastic in that mustard wrap dress, but if you hate mustard and would be worried the whole time about the wrap coming undone or the skirt blowing up you would never wear it. Somebody else's input can be very helpful, especially in making you aware of styles of colours you didn't know would suit you.

I like casual clothes. I buy brands like Uniqlo, Carharrt, Tommy Hilfiger, G-star, Esprit, but nothing with big obvious branding on. If you buy good quality stuff then it looks fine. Like its a style, not just not bothering. I do get my hair done but I can't imagine wearing nail polish or wearing a pencil skirt/ blouse - even though I think people that do look lovely.

I would adapt what your current style is rather than go mad wearing totally new style things, and see how you feel. Get some good basics (Uniqlo are good) and then try some more colourful or different things. Have you tried mom jeans or flares if you aren't keen on the straight legs?

I don’t really do a lot, I have no social life. I work (nurse) 3 mornings a week then walk my dog in an afternoon. I go swimming and take my granddaughter around park - that’s it. To be honest though I think half the reason I don’t go out is because I constantly feel so self conscious about the way I look.

If I could look like anyone, it would be Helena Boham Carter

I didn’t even know what mom jeans were until I started this thread today and looking on style and beauty board, I’ve looked them up and they look so comfortable! I’m going to order some, I just worry they will make me look fat

Get yourself over to the Style and Beauty board - the posters there will offer loads of great advice

I would second the John Lewis personal shopper - I took DD there when she was 14 and needed a range of semi smart black clothes for concerts etc and didn't know what to look for. The lady there was brilliant with her and was very respectful of the budget. She even styled some clothes over tops and trousers etc and then said they were just to show the look and DD should go and buy similar basics in Primark to save her budget.

You need some nice casual clothes and some fun trainers from the sound of things!

You are outdoors a lot, you could get a lovely North Face or Wellensteyn parka or puffa coat for a start. That would be lovely to walk the dog in and dash about in Winter. Nice scarf, maybe a hat. You'd look lovely, a bit trendy and be so cosy.

What's your budget OP?

I'd start by Marie Kondo'ing your wardrobe. Get a mate around, have some wine, and get ruthless.

Go through absolutely everything. Recycle anything broken, bobbled, stained etc.

Charity shop anything too big/ small/ old fashioned/ bad colour on you / you just don't like any more.

Set a budget and create a capsule wardrobe you can build on. Tonnes and tonnes of videos on YouTube about this for inspiration.

Good luck!