To not want to be dependent on a man ever again?

[Semicolon27]

I’m pregnant to my partner of 2 years. We don’t live together. He wants to move in with me(I rent).
I’m currently getting UC, he works FT and warms a decent enough wage.
Problem is, I stayed with my ex much longer than I wanted to because I was financially dependent on him. I started off owning everything as he moved in with me from living with his parents, and through the course of the long relationship, my things were replaced by him(I was a SAHM-his choice) so I literally had to start again from scratch.
I love my partner so much and we’re really excited to start this new chapter of our lives, but I’m terrified to find myself in the same situation I did before. I was miserable for a very long time but stayed because I ‘had to’.
How can I get around this? I obviously won’t be in work for a while once baby arrives and I’m struggling to find employment now as I’m pregnant

This is exactly what marriage is for.

@BreadPita

This is exactly what marriage is for.

yip.. put a Ring on it 🌸

Well it’s a bit late now sadly, if you are having a baby best to live together otherwise you will become very very resentful that you are left doing the vast majority of the work with the baby whilst he gets to swan off home for a break (speaking from bitter experience 😑)

Aside from marriage comments…

1. Do not change to a joint tenancy
2. Expect a fair financial contribution from him
3. If you lose benefit money because he moves in, make sure that (2) accounts for that
4. Don’t be like all the women I see on MN who buy everything for the baby’s arrival
5. Treat childcare as a household cost
6. Don’t consider that you are “working for nothing”, you are “working for a future”
7. Expect him to pull his weight to support your working
8. Act decisively if he fails to do that - better off rid than taking shit
9. Build your own savings

10. Do not have a second child with him until you are comfortably financial independent 11. Do not have a second child with him at all if he fails on 2, 3, 5 and 7 12. Get back into paid employment 13. Actively push your career development 14. If you do have a period where you are not working and have time, improve your job prospects with training and expect him to support that (financially, caring for his child, cheering you on)

What does “obviously I won’t be in work for a while” actually MEAN? That’s your biggest issue with regards to independence.

This is why it’s important for women to invest in their careers before they have babies, it’s the only way to ensure you aren’t financially dependent on a man. Marriage only gives you some financial protection if your spouse actually has property and money, and it doesn’t sound like your boyfriend does.

I’d honestly stick with living separately until you’re able to get back into full-time work after your baby is born and on a more equal footing.

@Cocomarine yes, all of what you said.

Get a job as soon as you realistically can, even if it's just part time a few hours per week. It's usually easier to get another job with more hours when you're already employed than when you haven't worked for ages.

@Cocomarine

Aside from marriage comments…

1. Do not change to a joint tenancy
2. Expect a fair financial contribution from him
3. If you lose benefit money because he moves in, make sure that (2) accounts for that
4. Don’t be like all the women I see on MN who buy everything for the baby’s arrival
5. Treat childcare as a household cost
6. Don’t consider that you are “working for nothing”, you are “working for a future”
7. Expect him to pull his weight to support your working
8. Act decisively if he fails to do that - better off rid than taking shit
9. Build your own savings

10. Do not have a second child with him until you are comfortably financial independent 11. Do not have a second child with him at all if he fails on 2, 3, 5 and 7 12. Get back into paid employment 13. Actively push your career development 14. If you do have a period where you are not working and have time, improve your job prospects with training and expect him to support that (financially, caring for his child, cheering you on)

What does “obviously I won’t be in work for a while” actually MEAN? That’s your biggest issue with regards to independence.

very good advice 🎉

Get a job as soon as feasible after a few months of maternity leave. That's the way to be independent.

Do not move in with this guy until your maternity leave is over and you have secure employment.
If you're on UC with the HB element, that is your safety net until you have savings and a job.