To wonder if he really believes this?

[Amug]

My husband is emotionally abusive. Recently he has started saying that I am abusive. After initially blaming myself, torturing myself about all my mistakes and what I could have done better, I can see that this isn't true. But what I'm wondering if does he really believe that I am abusing him, or is he just saying this to upset/scare me?

Does it matter? If he’s abusive you need to make him an ex.

It probably doesn't matter, you're right. I would just like to know though as I'm really struggling with it all.

He's gaslighting you, which is abusive in itself,

We can't know who is doing what in your relationship. Just because he is emotionally abusive it doesn't mean that you cannot be abusive too.

Nevertheless if you find him abusive and you aren't happy in this relationship you need to get out.

Its a really common tactic.

The abuser in the relationship gaslights the abused. They like to play the victim, and they also do this as a power trip to get an apology for abuse they are dishing out and you are merely reacting to.

He will likely tell other people you abuse him so he can be the victim when you eventually break up.

He's doing it to gaslight and deflect.
My physically and emotionally abusive ex used to say the same to me.
My life is so much better without him.

Your life will be better too.

Honestly we can’t guess. You maybe abusive. He maybe abusive. You maybe abusing each other. You may not be. He might believe it, he might be just gaslighting you. Without further information no one can guess.

Although I see someone has had a stab at it

Although I see someone has had a stab at it

If you're talking about my post, I replied to the information in the op. She stated she isn't abusive and he is. Nobody has any information other than that to go on

Ok, let's make it hypothetical then. A woman is emotionally abused by her husband. She is not abusive. He tells her she is though. When an abuser does that (which they do) does he really believe it?

I'm not asking for comments on whether or not I might be abusive.

From experience this sounds like he is projecting his own faults on to you. My XH used to accuse me of all sorts, I believed him at the time, was quite confused, until I realised he was projecting his own insecurities onto me. I’m not sure but I think it made him feel better to pretend someone else was the one that didn’t measure up. Not sure if he really truly believed this or not.

depends they could be deflecting it, OR they could be a narcissist and actually believe it.
I had a family member like this, I went no contact as I was fed up of them mistreating everyone and blaming everyone else for it. Life's much better.
You need to leave him.

People convince themselves of all sorts of things to justify their behaviour. It’s entirely possible this is how he is justifying his abuse of you. He may believe it, he may just want to believe it. Or he may just be gaslighting you to shut you up.

@Amug

Ok, let's make it hypothetical then. A woman is emotionally abused by her husband. She is not abusive. He tells her she is though. When an abuser does that (which they do) does he really believe it?

I'm not asking for comments on whether or not I might be abusive.

No, of course he doesn't really believe it - he is deliberately using it as another abusive tactic to mess with her head and make her doubt everything.