Is he mean or generous or what???

[literallucy]

Trying to figure this one out so please tell me if I ABU.
Partner of a year, great relationship and really really happy for the first time in my life , I think.
I earn more than him and have a lot more disposable income .
For the first ox months of our relationship, I stayed with him at his every weekend .
He always has the fridge full and had bought me wine / chocolate . I always brought junk and sometimes dinner .
We are both givers I think .
I think I contributed fairly but it was always a battle about who would pay . We both had the issue in our past relationships where we were the givers and paid for the majority in our relationships .
We would often buy each other little treats .. like a candle or an album . That was also mutual .
For the last six months we spend more time at mine . I always have fridge full too and he brings wine . I find that I am paying
More than him. I don't mind that as I have more but am afraid of becoming a door mat. Then he will pop up and surprise me with a little gift or something he knows I like but at the moment I'm contributing more to us .
We are both uncomfortable talking about money or accepting money from each other . We pay halves when out for dinner and drinks which is important to me .
Help me sort this out! I get embarrassed talking about money.
I have been absolutely taken for a ride in my last relationship, financially and I have to mind myself . Thanks

I get that you don't want to be used, but you could be overthinking it a little. OK so you contribute more right now buying food to eat at home, although he brings things as well and has been in your position in the past. And you split the cost of eating out. How much can you guys really be eating at home in a weekend, assuming you eat out for dinner or lunch at least once. A bit of toast for breakfast and some tea?

There are so many cocklodgers and greedy losers out there, it would be a shame to end a relationship with what sounds like a normal person over a few slices of bread and a tea bag here and there.

So for the first six months he contributed what you now contribute?

Look, he's a really nice guy. He's got a full fridge when you visit him. He buys you gifts and doesn't seem to take you for granted. Perhaps just keep an eye on it for now?

@literallucy

We take it in turns when eating out or split the bill . Sometimes I pay for More sometimes he does.

That sounds like it's all fair then?

Half and half (and that's being very generous) in a world that caters to men isn't exactly what I'd call "fair".

What about travel costs? I regularly cook lunch for 2 friends as I live on my own but they have husbands, now retired, who'd get in the way. They will always bring a 'hostess' present, a bottle of wine or flowers, but I would never expect them to contribute to the cost of the meal, or turn up with the makings of one.

I've never thought about the relative cost of me always entertaining them, but, if I did, I'd factor in travel expenses which they pay and I don't.

Op, I think your feelings are being coloured by past relationships. If he's mean with money, it would have shown up in other ways by now.

Does he ever pay for 2 lunches or breakfasts in a row?

Well if he was happy to be the one spending more for the first six months I’d assume he isn’t a user. You might’ve split and therefore it would’ve been his money spent not yours. Unless I’m reading it wrong

If you pay 50/50 when you eat out, how are you buying 2 breakfasts or lunches in a row? Do you mean takeaways/deliveries.?

If bothering you just say, we've been ordering stuff in a lot lately so let's start to split it. Or something. And if you want help with groceries, ask for it. Or start a kitty.