How to build self esteem and self confidence in primary aged kids

[happinessiscakeandchocolate]

My DD1 (10) has very low self esteem and really lacks confidence. She struggles with her school work and friendships at school a lot which makes this worse for her. I've always focused (with mixed success) on helping her with the schoolwork and friendships, but I'm now thinking maybe helping her with how she feels about herself would actually be a better approach.

I'd love any tips on how you've helped build self esteem and confidence in your children. Any ideas would be great, particularly if you've had children who have struggled with this.

oops didn't meant to put the voting option on this - please ignore that bit!

Have a look at the resources on www.amightygirl.com/ - brilliant website and Facebook page, all about mighty women and girls, personal development, self esteem, body image, diversity and inclusion - you name it.

What does she like best & enjoy doing? Any hobbies or skills?

Focus on those. Encourage those. Not to the detriment of school - at the end of the day, she will do better in life if she works on that, especially if she finds it hard, but make sure she's doing some things she enjoys/is good at elsewhere.

I think what helped us the most was actually talking about other people.

For instance, if someone was being mean to my daughter, we might talk about how that was a classic 'I'm making you feel bad so I can make myself feel better' move, and how it's sad that that kid feels so bad about themselves.

I think my daughter had the view that everyone else had it easier than her, but she went to a group at school for kids struggling with various issues and found that, in reality, kids were dealing with very serious family issues, but were just keeping up a facade, just like her.

Thanks for the ideas, very useful.

In answer to what she likes doing...
She loves dance, music, singing. She does a few dance classes and did do school choir though that is still not running post covid sadly. She enjoys the actitivies in themselves but never confident enough to make any friends at these activities unfortunately.
She's also and avid reader and writer of stories.

My daughter was doing dance/drama type classes before Covid too, but I found those were not that helpful as they were very cliquey and she felt on the edge of things.

I've signed her up to an art class which she's very excited about. I don't think us trying to get her to participate in more extroverted activities was really what she needed.

Maybe Brownies or Beavers would suit her? It's more interactive between the kids than her other interests?

Can you look for music hobbies outside school where she will meet different kids?

Things like stagecoach are supposed to be fun.

DD is similar and I've just bought her a couple of books by Matthew Syed which I hope might help.

www.amazon.co.uk/You-Are-Awesome-Confidence-Bestseller/dp/1526361159?ref_=ast_slp_dp&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

www.amazon.co.uk/Dare-You-Self-Doubt-Fearlessly-Confidently/dp/1526362376?ref_=ast_slp_dp&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Give her opportunities to do things she can gain a sense of mastery from.

Opportunities to vary her friendship group and meet dc she connects with.

Engagement in sports activities are very helpful for teen girls and protect against things like self-harm.

Have a predictable routine and a secure and loving family.

Thank for the ideas of clubs and books - I will take a look.
I'm keen to help build her up before she heads to secondary school next year. It is a huge local school and I think she'll find it challenging!