Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sil-Silent treatment on both sides

27 replies

Ellarain · 21/09/2021 10:49

Generally have an ok relationship with sil(my DH brothers wife). We were closer years ago when our dc were younger(same age).Never had any arguments and when I do see her at family events we have a great time. I noticed that over the last while that it was always me who would initiate contact. She always replied and we would text back and forth all night and have a laugh. I found out in May that something I had said at sil wedding was said back to my mil, who I have a very difficult relationship with. I was talking to sols mother, who I know well and I was saying how great it was that she helped out so much with her grandchildren. I said "nobody minds our children". This is true and I included my own mother in that. This was said back to mil who was not impressed. The thing is we don't know if sil or her mother relayed this information back to mil. I decided to say nothing to SIL and stopped texting. That was May and neither of us have been in touch with each other. She has texted my DH twice about family events that she would have normally contacted me about. I will be seeing her on Friday and I don know if I should say something. We also don't know if mil told her that we know about the comment and if that's why she's not been in touch. .

OP posts:
BingBongToTheMoon · 21/09/2021 11:04

So your SIL’s mum told your husband’s mum something true you said and you stopped talking to your new SIL and now you want to stir it all backup on Friday?!
YABVU.

custardbear · 21/09/2021 11:05

It's water under the bridge, hold your head high, be friendly and move in. Don't fester, nothing good comes of it

custardbear · 21/09/2021 11:06

*Move on ... moving in is 10 steps too far!

Ellarain · 21/09/2021 11:08

@BingBongToTheMoon,what I said wasn't a secret but I just don't know if sil told mil or if her mother did. She's legally my new sil but she's with my bil 15 years. It's not about stirring it up, I suppose I just don't like to think what I said was being gossiped about.

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 21/09/2021 11:10

Your SIL's Mum told your DH's Mum something that you said and now you're dragging your SIL into it because it was her Mum at her wedding?

Honestly, I just wouldn't say anything. Forget it was said and carry on like normal. I don't know why your SIL would ignore you over these comments because it's nothing to do with her so are you sure you aren't reading too much into it?

BingBongToTheMoon · 21/09/2021 11:11

[quote Ellarain]@BingBongToTheMoon,what I said wasn't a secret but I just don't know if sil told mil or if her mother did. She's legally my new sil but she's with my bil 15 years. It's not about stirring it up, I suppose I just don't like to think what I said was being gossiped about.[/quote]
It was months ago though. You could’ve cleared it all up before now.
I really wouldn’t bother.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 21/09/2021 11:14

X post. Do your MIL and your SIL's Mum get on?

Ellarain · 21/09/2021 11:17

Yes they would get on, no issues there.

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 21/09/2021 11:18

So it wasn't fed back to her to deliberately wind her up then since they get on with no issues.

I'd just forget about it, what's said was said and they'll get over it. Carry on like normal

Ellarain · 21/09/2021 11:20

I just find it weird that as soon as I found out about my comment being spoken about that I didn't hear from SIL. As I said, I found I was initiating contact but she would always contact me about family events, birthdays etc. She has now started contacting DH instead.

OP posts:
Ellarain · 21/09/2021 11:21

I don't think it was said to wind her up, just feels very gossipy.

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 21/09/2021 11:22

Could it be a coincidence? It just seems like an odd thing for your SIL to get upset about because it's not actually about her, it's about your MIL. It's also such a non comment that it seems odd to me for someone who it's not about to get so annoyed over to the point of not messaging you.

Ellarain · 21/09/2021 11:29

I don't know whether SIL maybe feels guilty about telling mil and that's why she has become distant. I suppose it was a bit of a test too to see if Sil would contact me instead of me always contacting her.

OP posts:
BobsBurgersisthebest · 21/09/2021 11:31

Just own it and move on.

Hoppinggreen · 21/09/2021 11:33

@Ellarain

I don't know whether SIL maybe feels guilty about telling mil and that's why she has become distant. I suppose it was a bit of a test too to see if Sil would contact me instead of me always contacting her.
I think you should both grow up a bit
namechange30455 · 21/09/2021 11:34

You sound about 12 years old trying to apportion blame for tittle tattling.

You were being a bit rude about your MIL to someone she knows, it's on you that it got back to her and touched a nerve.

SnackSizeRaisin · 21/09/2021 11:36

Why didn't you just talk to sil about it? Your comment wasn't malicious. It seems really odd that you just stopped speaking to her over this non event that she might have had nothing to do with anyway

Ellarain · 21/09/2021 11:36

I didn't mention mil in the conversation. I said "nobody minds our children" and included my own mother.

OP posts:
Ellarain · 21/09/2021 11:38

I suppose I felt that it was always making the effort and if I stopped texting would she get in touch and she didn't.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 21/09/2021 11:42

If you were always the one messaging anyway maybe she thinks you've fallen out with her because you don't message anymore.

I wouldn't bother questioning it but if you do miss her just tell her that.

trappistkepler · 21/09/2021 12:30

Your comment was fine but it does sound as someone twisted it and upset MIL. I mean why would anyone bother repeating it to her only to cause trouble, there is no other reason to repeat it? Now you know it was SIL or her mother, one of them, just steer clear, don't tell them anything ever again as you know it is likely to be twisted and used. Some people like to create drama.

PantsandBoots · 21/09/2021 12:35

I would ask SIL directly next time you see her if there is any reason that she is not contacting you.

Best to clear the air. Then everyone knows where they stand.

Ellarain · 21/09/2021 12:40

@trappistkepler, you hit the nail on the head, that's exactly it. Sil and her mother do like a good gossip.

OP posts:
Piffle11 · 21/09/2021 12:46

Was it SIL or her DM, though? Could SIL have repeated it to her DH – your BIL – and he has said something to MIL?

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 21/09/2021 12:47

I can't understand what you actually said. You say you mentioned your mother. So was it something like:
"Nobody minds my children. Not even my mother"? It sounds like you said something which could easily be seen as critical.

Swipe left for the next trending thread