Wedding invitations

[Teawithmilknosugar]

I'm getting married in a few months, just sent out the day invitations, evening invitations are going out next week. We are planning quite a small wedding, 45 during the day +35-40 extra for the evening the venue only fits about 80 people, a larger venue would add at least £500-£1000 to the cost of the wedding plus around £25 per head for food. I have 9 aunts and uncles (all invited) and 20 cousins and partners (all adults and not invited yet) if I invite all the cousins there is very little room for friends, if I only invite those cousins that I'm close to (around 8 people) I'll upset the aunties who's children get missed out. One aunty has already been quite surprised that I've not included invites for her 3 adult children, their partners and her grandchildren. AIBU "you should invite all the cousins" AINBU "invite friends and miss out the cousins" or do I risk upsetting people by inviting only some cousins.

YANBU.

Being extended family doesn't just guarantee you a spot at events like this where numbers matter.

Invite your friends and the cousins you're close with - they're the people you'd want to spend your time with, not family you don't see / aren't close to just for the sake of it. If people kick up a fuss explain limited numbers and wanting to make sure you can get your close friends in - I'd personally just tell them it was my wedding I'd invite who I was closest to!

You're making memories at the wedding, make sure it's with people you want

It's hard to answer without knowing your family dynamic. I would never have got married without inviting all my cousins and their partners. I know in my family it would cause a lot of hurt if some got invited and some didn't. If all family weddings to date have involved everyone being invited then doing something different may cause upset. But if you're prepared to deal with the upset then do what you want!

I wasn’t invited to some of my cousins’ weddings and I was to others. I think with some I was invited to the evening do but took the decision that it was too far to travel. I’ve got 11 cousins, some of whom I’ve not seen for almost 20 years. If my partner and I got married there’s no chance I’d invite them.

Your wedding, your choice.

As a cousin I've been invited to the evening part of weddings many times and it's never bothered me.

I'd always invite friends over cousins that I'm not close to.

YANBU you have who you want at the wedding. And if some cousins don’t make it then so be it. Just explain to your aunt it’s a small wedding, you are not close to cousins and wanted your friends there

Up to them if they come or not

Be brave and just invite the guests you would like there and those you actually have a relationship with.

I have a huge family with lots of aunts, siblings and cousins. DH has 1 brother. To make it more even we decided on all the aunts and uncles and one cousin from each side (which handily allowed me to invite the 2 that were actual friends rather just another cousin). There was a bit of chuntering but ultimately the venue took 60, I didn’t want a huge wedding and my family could have filled it twice over.

People just need to get over this. Your best friend or your mum can be upset if not invited to your wedding. Anyone else can get over it.

I think maybe contact the cousins you are close to and say sorry you couldn't include them - it would mean inviting the whole generation - but you'd love to celebrate with them and buy them a drink at some point in the future?

Having said that, I invited all cousins and partners and the ones I am not close to all declined, which I think is correct form!

Your aunt was rude to let you know she expected you to invite them. Carry on with what you planned

YABU to not decide the complete guest list before you started inviting people.
It’s obviously going to be awkward if you’ve already invited your aunts and uncles but haven’t invited your cousins “yet”. Even if you do invite them now it’s going to seem like a second thought.

Invite who you want to be there, but don’t be surprised if some of your family are upset, you can’t have it both ways.