To want a quiet Christmas at home

[thingymaboob]

I will be 34 weeks pregnant on Xmas day. Me and my DH have a 4 year old DD. My PIL live in same city and I expect my BIL and his family will stay at their house with their 4 year old DC and infant. I don't really get on with them. I find them pretentious and boring. I expect they dislike me too. We are polite and we get on Ok but there's no love there if you get what I mean. PIL house is like a show house. It's not the sort of place where you can just veg out on sofa or even lie down on sofa. Everyone's nicely dressed and there's a timetabled regimented routine to Xmas. Nibbles and wine, followed by a stressful Xmas meal (MIL gets super stressed) and then games. It's also not a child friendly house so I will just be on edge all day thinking about my DD thrashing around the place. I just want to have a quiet day, enjoying Xmas together with my DH & DD, but worry I'll put my DH in difficult position and that ultimately I'm selfish. Also want to be careful in 3rd trimester due to covid and I've been in pregnancy with Hyperemesis and now have pelvic pain so just want to play with daughter and lie on our comfy sofa. AIBU?

@Limejuiceandrum

I think that sounds like a fair compromise.

Genuinely even though they aren’t your parents and it’s not your home, these are your children’s grandparents and also your DH actual mum and dad! I think these relationships really are worth making an effort for, even though the great of mumsnet think you shouldn’t have to see anyone if you mildly don’t feel that you’re a match friends wise.

My mum is a fucking pain, but she’s my mum and I love her, my ex DH decided he was never going to make an effort, I guess fair enough, but it really made me sad, considering I made an effort with his parents.

I agree. I know MN likes to think of family as meaning parents and kids and no one else. But these people are your husband's parents, not just some randomers. I don't think you need to spend Christmas day with them but a short brunch as you suggested sounds perfect.

@thingymaboob

DH tries his best but isn't a great cook and would be overwhelmed with hosting. What about we invite them over for "brunch" like nice pastries / cakes (we get these amazing cinnamon buns from a local bakery on Xmas eve). Maybe that would be a compromise? We can see them for a couple of hours but I don't have to spend all day in their uncomfortable house, with literally zero Christmas TV on

Sounds like a plan and set a precedent going forwards, do this at least every other year. Do what you actually want to do, not what others demand and not what the media/retailers present as an image of the perfect Christmas.

Maybe dial down your Christmas lunch plans too, given that you'll be heavily pregnant and DH can't cook. Just get everything ready prepared, or even have something different to a roast, rather than going all out.

You can lie on your sofa, play with your daughter, watch xmas telly on any other day. Personally I think coming together with family is worth the slight stress and inconvenience, it means a lot to older relatives and they won't be around forever.

I'd go but make it clear that DH is in charge of 4yo supervision and you will need somewhere comfortable to rest.

I think the brunch is a good idea, and then MIL can get on with her stressing back at home, and you can relax. She may find catering for less people on Christmas Day is a bit easier, and you won’t be worrying about potential breakages.