To ask about autism in junior school boys?

[TreasuresOfTheHeart]

I have concerns that my 9yr old DS has ASD. We have family members on the spectrum.

However, everyone in the family keeps dismissing me as DS is active in extra curricular activities and he excels in these. Whereas the other family members diagnosed are quite reclusive.

It is true that DS is keen to try new things and attends various extra curricular but when he is there, he appears hyperactive and shows little interest in his peers but will join in and talk when spoken to.

There are lots of other issues making me concerned but nobody will listen as he is so accepting of going to his extra curricular and is sociable. However , I see his social skills as quite lacking, he is not very talkative but will join in tasks and respond to peers.

Can children with ASD be social and outwardly appear “fine” ?

Those ASD children that are very high functioning often are diagnosed late, my DS was 10. He is sociable, has friends and has lots of interests. He has always struggled with imaginative play, he has quite a limited range of foods he will eat, he struggles holding a proper two way conversation but will answer questions but not ask other persons opinions, he really doesn’t understand the question how do you feel today, he often doesn’t know if he is hungry or hot or cold, he struggles with new clothes but he functions very well and goes to mainstream secondary school. He does get very anxious at times, does have meltdowns so lots of tears when he is frustrated at doing homework but he is very gentle. He doesn’t like busy places so we tend to avoid them, but I’m not a big fan either.

My son with HFA was diagnosed relatively early at 5 because extreme food sensory issues required intervention.

He appears ‘fine’ to most people and I’m often dismissed when I mention his diagnosis but he’s definitely autistic but can mask well enough at times.

However if you scratch the surface you will find a lack of two way conversation, extreme tunnelling interests which means he’ll talk at you. Non sequiturs leave us all confused. Anxiety about new places where he has to eat unknown food causes the biggest problems.

If you feel it then push for an assessment. It’s worth it.

@redpandaalert your DS sounds similar to mine.

I have no experience of ASD myself so I’m not sure if DS has meltdowns but he gets very upset beyond what I would expect at his age.

He cried and was very very upset , became very agitated and would not listen to me at all because I caught him in a very minor lie that was so transparent it was amazing he could even think to lie about it. . It was like saying a strawberry was a banana and refusing to listen to reason. I tried to discuss with him and explain he was not in trouble but he just wanted to get away and would not be reasoned with at all. Does that sound normal for a child of his age?

There are olenty of sociable children with asd - they dont always know how to channel it but the desire is there.
I dont know as much about adhd but there is a big overlap so that always worth reading up on too. I dont think its how people imagine it to be.

I did consider ADHD but ruled it out as he is able to focus when he needs to (but does have some repetitive moments whilst concentrating).

I hear you.

Take a look over at the National Autistic Society's website and see if he ticks many of the boxes.
www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/what-is-autism

@TreasuresOfTheHeart

I did consider ADHD but ruled it out as he is able to focus when he needs to (but does have some repetitive moments whilst concentrating).

People with adhd can often focus very well if the subject interests them. In addition, many have both diagnoses now - asd and adhd.

everyone . I’m going to go with my thoughts and make an appointment with our GP.

From what you have said it’s hard to say one way or the other if there may be something worth looking into. I would start by speaking to the school senco and see what she thinks

@Sirzy my OP is quite vague as I wanted to know if children with ASD can be sociable. I do have other concerns though. I have no experience of ASD other than family members who are diagnosed.

DS is quite different to his relatives but also appears different to other children too.

The old saying goes ‘once you meet one person with autism… you’ve met one person with autism’
While social communication difficulties are a feature of autism what that looks like in different children can vary a lot. I’ve met lots of autistic children who are reclusive but also many who are very out going and very social. I would think about how it affects him and what support might be needed now and in the future. Does he have good friends who he has developed long term friendships with? Is he coping with all the demands of school? Does he have good self esteem and is he happy? Then speak to a professional (GP’s aren’t always the best).

I agree with the above comment. My DS with ASD is very sociable. He's also extremely immature and, though he's very bright intellectually, can behave like a much younger child. I think you're right to have things investigated if you're concerned.

@WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor Life is becoming quite difficult and he needs increasing support from us in lots of parts of the day. Getting ready for school, direction to play , going to sleep just to name a few .

Can children with ASD be social and outwardly appear “fine” ?

Yes. It's called masking and very very common, although I would expect as a parent you would see 'through' it. You say you have concerns, it may be helpful to share them as you definitely can't dismiss autism based on the impression a child gives. I masked for over 40 years

Some children with ASD are just very sociable though, Fluffypastelslippers. Their desire to be friendly and sociable isn't a mask or an act. That doesn't mean they're adept in social situations, things do often go wrong for them and they may not understand why.

they can socialise/be sociable, but it is not quite erm, neurotypical. So he could be socialising in a way that is not typical for the average 9 year old boy. there would be other things in addition to the socialising that would also point to autism.

My 14 yo has always been very sociable and happy to talk to people. However if you listen you would realise that he talks at people about his obsessions. He also prefers younger kids, or adults to talk to so doesn't really have friends his own age, his peers don't get him and he gets bullied for being different/only talking about one thing.

When he was younger he thought that anyone he talked at was his friend, he was oblivious to them laughing at him etc. He was very well behaved at school, but his concentration was so poor (he also inattentive type adhd) so he'd get into trouble for daydreaming and not completing work.

@LizzieAnt

Some children with ASD are just very sociable though, Fluffypastelslippers. Their desire to be friendly and sociable isn't a mask or an act. That doesn't mean they're adept in social situations, things do often go wrong for them and they may not understand why.

Ha! This is 100% my daughter. She loves people, and wants to be interacting all of the time. Can sometimes start talking at random strangers!

Yes, my DS too RonObvious A recent trip to hospital involved a lot of smiling, waving and chatting to/at strangers (who were charmed for the most part). This isn't typical behaviour for his age-group though, he's over-sociable really, and this has become more obvious as he's grown older. My other DC would have behaved like this as preschoolers maybe, but have outgrown it. They're much more aware of social cues.
To answer your question OP, having issues with social communication or interaction doesn't just imply reclusiveness, but any lack of understanding of social situations that causes problems for a person.

Concerns about his social and communication I have:

He’s always the outsider when playing with other children , never the instigator and although he joins in, he barely interacts with his peers or team mates . He will engage with them if they engage him first.

He looks nervous all of the time when interacting with children; he rubs his face , fiddles with his clothes and well, just looks slightly tense and ‘odd’. This is not immediately obvious to others , but I can see it.

He has been part of the same hobby club since he was 4 years old; he has been part of the same group for this hobby since he was 4 years old but has not made a single friend at his hobby .

He interrupts conversations and talks about himself.

My son does 3/4 extra curricular activities and always asking to do more. He has a small group of friends more comfortable 1-1.
He loves being out and about not reclusive in the slightest. We are on our way to and Autism diagnosis age 8.

@Merryoldgoat

My son with HFA was diagnosed relatively early at 5 because extreme food sensory issues required intervention.

He appears ‘fine’ to most people and I’m often dismissed when I mention his diagnosis but he’s definitely autistic but can mask well enough at times.

However if you scratch the surface you will find a lack of two way conversation, extreme tunnelling interests which means he’ll talk at you. Non sequiturs leave us all confused. Anxiety about new places where he has to eat unknown food causes the biggest problems.

If you feel it then push for an assessment. It’s worth it.

More or less this for us too