AIBU to expect no anger

[twoandeights]

My husband is always shouting at the kids. Everything sets him off. They can’t do anything right. I want to know how often does your partner shout at the kids? I strive for happy peace fun house. If someone does something wrong there are consequences but if one of them does something accidentally then oh well, these things happen. We’re all human. I don’t see how shouting at kids can do anything other than raise anxious adults. They are well behaved at school, work hard and are good kids. What’s there to shout about? If one of them did ever smack someone in the face then yep, shout and implement strict consequences. I just need a barometer here because I grew up with shouty parents who constantly flew off the handle and honestly, I’m sick to the fucking back teeth of living with other peoples inability to control themselves.

YANBU. It's probably not uncommon but that doesn't make it acceptable for a parent to not to be able to control their temper and to overreact at the drop of a hat.

I would never accept my husband shouting at my children.

He needs to go on a parenting course, and he maybe needs to see a few videos of himself shouting at them over some stupid accident before he realise what a prat he is but, realistically, a shouty parent is always going to be a shouty parent so either accept that this is how your kids will be raised or leave. There isnt really a way to stay together and have them grow up without the shouting.

My soon to be ex h is like this. Very quick to anger. Shouted at dd for something that wasn't even an issue recently and she was very upset. One of the many reasons he is nearly an ex.

The only time that we ever feel the need to shout really is if someone's doing something that might injure them, in which case it's a shout to surprise and distract to avoid injury or damage.

Constantly shouting at children won't make them behave (has he not worked that out yet if he actually thinks they are misbehaving?)

If he’s doing it regularly for no good reason then it’s shit parenting and he needs to sort it out ASAP. I’ve shouted at mine for serious things (running out into the road, biting siblings etc), and I’ve lost it occasionally and raised my voice when I could’ve handled a situation more calmly, but for everyday minor transgressions it’s not acceptable. YANBU - I totally get that it’s hard to gauge if you grew up with a very shouty parent (horribly temperamental dad here, and a childhood spent walking on eggshells) but you are absolutely right.

YANBU on the whole - though expecting no anger is maybe a bit unrealistic an unhelpful. Anger in the right way for the right reason does have a purpose.

DH does yell at the kids sometimes, he's got much better but it still happens occasionally. He comes from what was, and remains, a screamy, yelling escalating-beyond-all-proportion family so is doing a lot better than his parents.

You can’t expect no anger, that’s unreasonable. You can expect no shouting unless something extreme has happened or someone’s in danger. DH doesn’t shout at the DC, me, anyone. I wouldn’t put up with him doing it to me, far less a vulnerable child.

I didn’t grow up in a shouty household, I find it really awful. I had a shouty ex husband and it upset me in a really profound way, no one yells at me or my child.

No one shouts in my home, to anyone. Of course, you may be angry and the tone of your voice expresses that, but shouting is unacceptable. It's simply a lack of maturity and control. I couldn't stand it.

I aim not to shout, (apart from running in to road type stuff), but, DD is 14 and prone to door slamming and bashing things like cupboards.

I often end up shouting, but this is because I am being shouted at first..

Not great - but then, what can you do?

We are not a 'shouty' household generally though.