Selling old toys on that was bought by other parent.

[Kaley3043]

Hello. Will try and keep this short.

What happens say if you have a child someone who buys them gifts, gifts which are kept here in their bedroom at my house as they spend hardly any time with their dad (bit of a Disney dad but that's another post). Child outgrows/gets bored of gifts and then you want to get rid. Do you offer to give the other parent the stuff back, sell but offer them the money or just sell it and just keep the money here?

Ds wants to sell his old toys. There's some bits his dad bought. In this case, DS will be keeping the money as he wants to save up.

There's some bits that are mixed in with our stuff. Both us and his dad have bought the same thing (for example train tracks) and it's all mixed in together and yo have no idea who bought what.

His dad has kicked up in the past if he's spotted anything on a Facebook selling site. Saying I shouldn't be selling it without asking him and then when I offer to give it back to him, he says he hasn't got the room. Can't win.

Aibu to just sell the stuff as we please and DS keeps the money in his money box?

I’m of the camp that it’s bought as a gift, your DS has something else in mind that they want, it gets sold and the money DS uses to buy what he wants.
I’d say it had a centimental value then no, or say I dunno the other parent wants to give it to sibling then no…. But if none of these than fine

I would just message him and say 'ds wants to sell some of his old toys, as there might be some bits you have bought mixed in I just wanted to check you are ok with this.' Then he can't moan and if he wants some of it kept then it needs to go to his.

As far as I'm concerned the toys belong to the DC. So they can choose what to do with them, and any money raised is theirs.
DS1 sold some things his dad had bought him. His dad kicked off big time when he saw them on FB. DS ignored him. (Admittedly DS is a teen and more than used to his dad's twattery)

@Tal45

I would just message him and say 'ds wants to sell some of his old toys, as there might be some bits you have bought mixed in I just wanted to check you are ok with this.' Then he can't moan and if he wants some of it kept then it needs to go to his.

I'd do this.

Is DS old enough to post it on selling sites himself? I'm presuming he's a teenager as he wants to save up?

Alternatively, offer it to ex on condition of if it isn't collected within a reasonable amount of time, it will be sold on. No quibbles.

I presume ex has kept every drawing/stone/twig/random tat DS has ever given him? I mean after all DS might get upset if he doesn't.

No? Why? Because once given a gift belongs to the recipient to do what they want with.

They belong to ds and are his to do what he wants with. As long as you aren't selling and keeping the money for yourself it's up to ds what he does with old things

Thanks all. It's nothing sentimental. We just need the room. Ds is 10 so I've been selling on Facebook for him!

I would just drop him a message saying ds not longer wants the toy and is he happy for D's to sell it or does he want it back? Saves arguments

If it’s on Facebook marketplace there’s an option to not let people on your friends list see it too.

But yanbu, it’s a perfectly normal thing to do when you outgrow something.

Is he expecting a teenager to still want stacking blocks and rocking horses?

I'd think differently if somebody from outside the family had 'passed it on' free and you were now selling it, but these were actual presents/items bought by a parent, so they belong to the child. If the child no longer wants toys designed for a child 10-15 years younger, why on earth shouldn't they sell them and use the proceeds to buy something they do like?

Is he really expecting the things (gifts, not loans) back? Does he offer things that he was bought back to the givers if he no longer wants/needs them? Is he a grown man who is just itching to try his skills at bashing the shapes through the right holes on the little toy workbench or making pretend tea in a pink plastic Fisher Price tea set?!

Is he expecting a teenager to still want stacking blocks and rocking horses?

TBF my teens spent ages one afternoon playing with stacking cups. Admittedly they were trying to stack them on the blade of a sword that they were holding out. But still

It reminds me of the year DCs dad bought them a toy golf set. They had to kneel down to play because the clubs were so small. He got really cross when they told him they didn't play with it

It’s a gift, it now belongs to your ds. He wants to sell it, so sell it any he puts the money towards whatever it is

I wouldn’t involve his father

I agree with the previous posters that in theory it’s perfectly reasonable to sell these toys. But you have said that selling items your ex has purchased has caused trouble between the two of you before. If it were me I would not sell the items given that in the long run having a functioning relationship with your ex, is more valuable to your child than the sale of the items. I know that your ex is BU. But in your situation that is what I’d do. Even if it did leave me with cupboards spilling over with toys for a while.