Teen with Conduct Disorder. Help.

[Smithers123]

I’m a long time mumsnetter but opened a separate account just to post this.

DS (14) has ADHD. It has now progressed to conduct disorder. Our family is traumatised. Our home is trashed. He refuses to go to school. He is smoking weed. He runs away constantly. Sets things on fire. Steals from us. He beats his brother up all the time. Terrorises his sisters. School admitted they can no longer meet his needs (he has an EHCP) but the LA panel refused our request for a residential change of placement. They only approved a day school change of placement. We were meant to go visit a school this morning. He refused. Locked himself in the bathroom and flooded it, water was pouring from the light fittings downstairs. CAMHS are useless. He has refused to take his meds for months now and we’ve been begging for help. CAMHS don’t even acknowledge our emails. We referred ourselves to social care for help but they downgraded the request and put us onto the family wellbeing service. His current school have said there is only so much they can do. We are on our own. What the fuck do we do? I’d rather die than live like this. I’ve tried to help him with love and kindness. I hold onto him and tell him I love him while he thrashes around. It doesn’t help. I sob and he laughs at me. The police were here recently because he was reported for antisocial behaviour. He laughed at them. Swore at them. We have three other children who are suffering. I am a shell of a human being. I’m so broken I can’t function. It’s broken my marriage. It’s broken our home. I love him but I need him to go away and get help. Please tell me what to do. We had a stable, loving home. He has never wanted for anything. DH and I have been together for nearly 20 years, lived in the same home, I’ve fought for him for years. For his EHCP. For his referral to CAMHS. His therapy. I’ve never given up on him. Today is the first time I’m saying I can’t do it anymore, I’m out of steam, he has drained me. I am utterly depleted and terrified. I have to protect our other children. Please can someone just tell me what to do. I am open to anything and everything.

I would ring up SS and say you can no longer cope and you are signing over parental responsibility to them.

I would expect this will be the rocket up the backside to someone to then actually do something like at least return your calls. SS won't want the cost of looking after him!!

Sorry I know this sounds horrible and drastic but it seems to be the only way anyone gets any of the support and help them and their DC are entitled to.

Oh love im so sorry you're going through this.

I've no idea what to do to be honest. Do you have a social worker you can call and tell them everything you've said here?

I think you have to sign a Section 20 for the sake of your other children.

How does your DH cope with him? What role does he take in your son's life?
Can you afford a private adolescent counsellor?

I have a teenager with ADHD so I have experienced some of this. I think you have to do what others have suggested and tell social services you can't manage any more.