Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Should I say sth to the football coach about this sub arrangement

56 replies

midnightOK · 19/09/2021 22:20

DS joined a football club since May. He likes football though I have to say his performance is just ok, not great. Everytime he went for a training or match, he would like me to watch him. I rarely got time to watch it. However in these few times I did watch him, he was rarely in the field, was often in the subs. This morning the match started at 12:00, by the time I had to leave, which was 12:30, he was still sitting aside and waiting for his turn to go in the match. Later on when I picked him up, I asked him how long he had been playing, he said probably 10 mins. He might not be accurate about the time he was in the match, however it is clear that some kids were in the match from start to the end and my son was only in it for a very short time. Should I talk about it with the football coach? I don't think this is fair. It's supposed to be roughly equal time for every kid to be in the match, is that right?

OP posts:

Kite22 · 19/09/2021 22:26

How old are the dc ?

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 19/09/2021 22:27

I think it depends on the age. I’d expect every child to equalish amount of time p. The pitch if they were 8 or below but probably as they get older and matches get more competitive the better kids will be played more.
Having said that my son does not play football so I’m not up on the etiquette of it all.

SnarkyBag · 19/09/2021 22:29

Depends on the coach. DS’s coach gives everyone pitch time but the better players stay on the whole match. Football is pretty ruthless in that respect especially as they get older. Friend’s son was told by his coach he was welcome to come to training but he should be prepared to spend most matches on the side line.

FlorenceWintle · 19/09/2021 22:30

Under 12 they should all get equal time IMO. But if you have a competitive coach, they might not do it.

Original poster

midnightOK · 19/09/2021 22:31

@Kite22

How old are the dc ?

They are 11 years old. My son also plays basketball match and it's very obvious that the basketball coach tries to give every team member the same opportunity to play the match, so I was quite surprised when I saw this happed to my son during the football match.

OP posts:

SirChenjins · 19/09/2021 22:31

No, I’d give it more time. We had this at the beginning when DS2 (14) started playing football earlier in the year - he was only on for a little while and sometimes not at all which was maddening, but gradually he’s started playing more often and for longer. I don’t know if it’s the same at your club but at ours there’s quite a few who have been playing with the club since they were 5 and so are much better - it wouldn’t really be fair to take them off and put DS on.

If he’s still not getting much of a turn in two or three months then maybe ask the coach if there’s anything he could work on that would help him get more time playing in the matches?

gabsdot45 · 19/09/2021 22:32

My son had the same experience. He was small for his age plus a December birthday made him one of the youngest too.
He was a decent player but there were other boys bigger and stronger so they got the play much more than he did.
I ended up hating the whole thing, the competitiveness, swearing, abusing the refferee and the other team, making kids cry and I'm talking about the coaches!!
I think you should talk to the coach, I wish I'd spoken up more.

Original poster

midnightOK · 19/09/2021 22:36

@SnarkyBag

Thanks. I suggested DS to stop the football club, but he is still keen on going there. It just feels bad when you know they are eager to play but they can only sit and wait for their turn.

OP posts:

Original poster

midnightOK · 19/09/2021 22:38

@gabsdot45

My son had the same experience. He was small for his age plus a December birthday made him one of the youngest too. He was a decent player but there were other boys bigger and stronger so they got the play much more than he did. I ended up hating the whole thing, the competitiveness, swearing, abusing the refferee and the other team, making kids cry and I'm talking about the coaches!! I think you should talk to the coach, I wish I'd spoken up more.

I am thinking of talking to the coach, but really can't figure out a better way of saying the whole thing without sounding like complaining. The coach seems a nice person, I am just wondering if this is common practice in football

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 19/09/2021 22:39

Does he know what he needs to do to develop and improve?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 19/09/2021 22:42

This is where football is so different to rugby-everyone gets 50% off match time and that’s the RFU rules-this really encourages everyone to have a go and they get better as a result. You can’t improve if you’re never played🤷‍♀️

Hellocatshome · 19/09/2021 22:42

At that age they are supposed to get equal playing time but that is not equal in each match it is equal across the season so some games they might get littlentimr, other games they get the whole match. I think without you watching the matches or training regularly you are going to find it hard to query this with the coach as you haven't really got much evidence to go on, for example a child that messes around at training will often not get to start the next match etc. Could you or another adult watch some full training sessions and matches and get a proper understanding of what is going on?

AmyDeirdre · 19/09/2021 22:49

They split our team into 2 so the children would get more game time, but this meant they needed more parent volunteers to help with the teams. Have you offered to help out, OP? Here, anyway, the coaches are all volunteers giving up (a lot) of their own time and doing their best.

MerryMarigold · 19/09/2021 22:49

My husband is a coach and would play his under 11s like this. The issue is that you can give everyone equal time and lose matches or play your best players and hope to win. The team gets discouraged if they lose match after match. The practice sessions are there to improve, but some kids have been playing longer or are just more talented so it's hard to take a decent player off and replace with someone not so good, especially if you are losing or drawing. Of course if you're winning 5-0 after 10 mins, you can afford to swap in all the worse players!

m00rfarm · 19/09/2021 22:55

THe players know who are best and at that age will start being a bit pissy with the less good players if they are given games and cause the team to lose. THat is not good either. Hopefully there will be some tournaments soon which mean that all the boys can get a few games.

RobertaFirmino · 19/09/2021 22:58

This is going to sound harsh but there is a reason your son is on the subs bench and not the starting XI. You admit yourself that his performance is just ok, not great.

If DS has a look on You Tube, he'll find plenty of skills videos from the top clubs.

Kite22 · 19/09/2021 22:59

By 11, they are playing competitively, so no, it isn't about 'turn taking' at that age. The best coaches will roll subs on and off in response to how the game is evolving, but no, I wouldn't expect players to get equal time by aged 11.

I had assumed you must have been talking about 6 yr olds.

Piggy42 · 19/09/2021 23:02

Maybe your son needs to find a lower division club to play for, so he gets more game time. I think it’s quite normal. My dd gets played a lot in football but found she was often on the subs bench at another sport.

Invisimamma · 19/09/2021 23:05

My son is nearly 11 and has been playing with his club since he was 8. New and inexpierneced players will get less time on the pitch than the boys who have been training and playing together for years.

It also depends on the league and level that they are playing at. We are only allowed to make 2 subs per match according to league rules, so weaker player won't be subbed on until last quarter. Also different teams have different ethos, some are more nurturing and spread game time evenly and others are 'in it to win it.' Maybe this club isn't the best match for him?

Restlessinthenorth · 19/09/2021 23:06

Honestly, there really is no turn taking at this age, and it sets the wrong example to your son. Simply turning up in life doesn't guarantee you opportunity. You get a place on the team by earning it at that age.

My son is out in the garden every night practicing and as a result has developed his skills and has a place in his team. Him and other kids like him wold be mortified if other kids were given equal time. Like everything in life, places in competitive teams are given by merit. The other kids would soon get sick of your son if the team starts losing because he's on the pitch when betters players are sat on a subs bench too.

It's really good he wants to keep going though, so I would be absolutely encouraging lots of practice outside of the match day and affirming his effort etc.

Skysblue · 19/09/2021 23:12

I’d ask the coach what the deal is: is it basically a lesson with opportunities for everyone to play and improve, or is it a competitive match with only the best being played. Just say you’re trying to work out if it’s a fit. Doesn’t have to sound like a complaint but if your son is on the bench the whole time, so the stars of the team can guarantee a win, not much point in his being there is there, and it sounds really bad for his self esteem.

My experience has generally been that kids of ‘pushy’ parents get treated better and get more opportunities than kids of parents who ‘put up and shut up’. I’ve learned to push and advocate for my child as otherwise she’s often overlooked, due to being quiet and well behaved and not demanding etc.

Lucyccfc68 · 19/09/2021 23:19

It is FA guidelines that players should get equal game time at that age. It is non competitive up to U12’s.

It should not be about winning or who is the best player or the (perceived) best player being annoyed at other players getting equal time.

A good coach will have an ethos of developing all players, instilling a positive attitude and ensuring everyone is having fun. It’s grassroots football and to be fair, no matter how much ‘practise’ a player puts in, in their back garden, it’s still grassroots and not a professional academy.

I would move your son to a club with a coach with a better attitude.

Kite22 · 19/09/2021 23:39

Not my experience in any of the multitude of things any of my dc have been involved in over the last 20+ years.

is it basically a lesson with opportunities for everyone to play and improve, or is it a competitive match with only the best being played

I presume it won't be either of these. It is likely to be a competitive match, each week, with opportunities for substitutions, and some matches against stronger teams and some against teams known to be weaker, when there will be more opportunities for the weaker players to play more. The matches will be across 9 months or so, and there will be chances for all to play. There will no doubt be lessons learned from playing in matches, but most of the learning will be during the training sessions.

Kite22 · 19/09/2021 23:46

It is FA Guidelines that players should get equal game time at that age. It is non competitive up to U12s

Can you link to that please @Lucyccfc68 as that hasn't been my experience so I tried searching but couldn't find anything that said that.

backtolifebacktoreality · 20/09/2021 06:19

@midnightOK

"They are 11 years old.*"
*
My son was in a team prior to this age. Realistically he wasn't the best but he enjoyed playing and their manager brought all kids on for a reasonable amount of time.

However. around this age the matches start to be taken more seriously and he was literally brought on for a few minutes at the end.

It started upsetting him and became humiliating to be sat on the bench all match, so we pulled him from the team.
We explained the reason to the manager, who didn't deny what was happening!

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread