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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this is a weird thing to say to someone you’re dating?

24 replies

maevemaeve · 19/09/2021 21:51

I’ve been casually seeing a guy in my work (very usual in our industry for people to be dating left right and centre). He is a bit younger than me, but both in our 20s.

I am leaving soon for a better opportunity in a different city. He keeps asking what date I am leaving, says he wants to carry on come to my city bla bla bla... not sure he understands how hard LDR are.

He said to me yesterday “I bet you won’t even tell me when you’re leaving, you’ll just quit one day and I’ll never see you again”

Isn’t that a weird thing to say to someone who’s agreed to see you beyond moving???

OP posts:
dearmrpresident · 19/09/2021 22:07

Not really. Sounds jokey

EvilRingahBitch · 19/09/2021 22:11

He's correctly worked out that you don't think the relationship has a future after you leave, so while he's literally incorrect he has got the right end of the stick.

Steeple · 19/09/2021 22:12

@EvilRingahBitch

He's correctly worked out that you don't think the relationship has a future after you leave, so while he's literally incorrect he has got the right end of the stick.
Yes, this is exactly what it sounds like to me too.
QueenBee52 · 20/09/2021 01:38

@EvilRingahBitch

He's correctly worked out that you don't think the relationship has a future after you leave, so while he's literally incorrect he has got the right end of the stick.

yip

Limejuiceandrum · 20/09/2021 01:42

I mean is he wrong
Doesn’t sound a weird thing to say, sounds like something a sad person who’s a bit sad about it says

Holskey · 20/09/2021 01:45

Yeah, PPs have nailed this.

Plumtree391 · 20/09/2021 02:29

What's LDR?

It sounds as though he needs some reassurance that you leaving the workplace does not equal you leaving the relationship. What are your intentions regarding him? He obviously thinks a lot of you.

(It's OK, I looked up LDR - Long Distance Relationship. I thought it was something to do with 'District Railways' d'oh!)

timeisnotaline · 20/09/2021 02:38

You’re obviously not as invested and he can tell, isn’t it obvious as pps said? If you are so much more mature that you understand ldr challenges, perhaps you could challenge yourself to also be mature enough to sit down and be honest with him.

Pinkbonbon · 20/09/2021 02:41

It sounds ideal he wants you to tell him there is a future for you two. Or even, to clarify that yes, this is just a bit of fun. Either way, he wants to know where he stands.

Pinkbonbon · 20/09/2021 02:41

*sounds like

Catflapkitkat · 20/09/2021 04:09

I don't think it's odd, not when you have said 'he keeps asking what date I am leaving' - this implies he has asked you a few times and you haven't given him a straight answer. Why the big mystery?

Withgasoliiiiine · 20/09/2021 04:34

Why is he having to keep asking, do you not know the date yet, even approximately, or are you being evasive about it? Also have you told him that you're not interested in a LDR? I agree with you on that point but he needs to know if you've decided you won't be continuing.

Magspy · 20/09/2021 04:39

It's natural - given that you're in a relationship now and as you say you've agreed to continue - that he'd want to know (1) when you're going to give your notice, if you haven't yet, (2) your last day of work, and (3) when you are actually moving. If you don't have firm dates yet, just tell him that and reassure him that he'll know when you do. Possibly he doesn't understand why you don't have concrete plans yet and so is imagining you're withholding info. (And if he knows you're leaving but other people at work don't yet, he may be nervous about keeping your "secret" and jokingly "reminding" you to keep him up to date.)

NotReallyAPrincess · 20/09/2021 04:51

@Catflapkitkat

I don't think it's odd, not when you have said 'he keeps asking what date I am leaving' - this implies he has asked you a few times and you haven't given him a straight answer. Why the big mystery?
This. It sounds like you’re being evasive about several questions
Original poster
maevemaeve · 21/09/2021 17:24

I keep saying I don’t know exactly and he says this over and over again.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 21/09/2021 17:28

Surely you have an idea of when you'll be leaving, so you could give him something more than 'I don't know' but you're being evasive which makes him feel like you're not interested.

fruitbrewhaha · 21/09/2021 17:29

Well, you say it's a casual relationship, just like all the other people who are dating each other, while I suspect he wants it to be more serious. With you moving is crunch time, either you let it fizzle out or the two of you make a decision to work on keeping it going. Sounds like he has worked out it's the former for you.

OuiOuiBonjour · 21/09/2021 17:30

He's insecure. He senses you aren't going to continue the relationship and you aren't giving him a straight answer. You see it more casually than he does and he isn't on the same page as you. It's not weird imo.

grapewine · 21/09/2021 17:30

@girlmom21

Surely you have an idea of when you'll be leaving, so you could give him something more than 'I don't know' but you're being evasive which makes him feel like you're not interested.
Exactly. It's so obvious, OP.
VladmirsPoutine · 21/09/2021 17:30

@maevemaeve

I keep saying I don’t know exactly and he says this over and over again.
Then he's not wrong. If I were him I'd just end things to stop the feelings of uncertainty. Keeping someone hanging while you 'figure out how I feel' is the worst sort of feeling.
grapewine · 21/09/2021 17:32

If I were him I'd just end things to stop the feelings of uncertainty. Keeping someone hanging while you 'figure out how I feel' is the worst sort of feeling.

Same. Hope he cuts his losses.

Original poster
maevemaeve · 21/09/2021 18:12

I say “I don’t know exactly, probably sometime in November depending on my new contract and getting a flat sorted”

Don’t see how that’s weird

OP posts:
Underamour · 21/09/2021 18:15

He’s insecure and picked up in your disinterest. It sounds like he is more invested in the relationship than you

Siameasy · 21/09/2021 18:16

He feels insecure, I sure would if I were him

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