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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why we still can’t vist in hospital?!

46 replies

Jinnybean · 19/09/2021 21:06

My dad was rushed to hospital on Friday with sepsis, heart failure and a chest infection. He’s extremely poorly yet we aren’t allowed to go and see him. My sister can as she’s told them she’s his carer and she is the only one who is allowed to ring about him as they have said only one person can call?!

I’m missing him like mad and haven’t see him in a while, I feel SO guilty that Iv not seen him. We were going to go over today as well before he fell ill. I can’t imagine not seeing him again if he were to die.

I can’t believe we still can’t go and see family members, we can go to a bloody concert!

OP posts:
TinnedPotatoesRock · 20/09/2021 16:58

It's bonkers. Mum was due to have an operation earlier in the month which was cancelled but I was allowed to visit, she's having the same operation in a few days in the same hospital and I'm not allowed to visit

lockdownmadnessdotcom · 20/09/2021 17:08

Seems odd to me. A friend of my mother's died recently of cancer and she was allowed three friends/relatives to visit.

Livvielo · 20/09/2021 17:14

That’s really odd because where I am, visiting is permitted. I’ve visited my friend recovering from a double lung transplant twice now. She’s extremely vulnerable but can have 2 visitors at a time. Yesterday we had 10-10 with her! I’ve also visited another friend when she had her baby. Both visits required a Covid test 24 hours before, and had to fill out a Covid questionnaire form. I’m also vulnerable myself as I have cystic fibrosis. But I’m very much just trying to get on with life now. I’m double jabbed, can’t hide away forever. Yes I would go to a concert (pp)
I hope you can see your dad soon. Hugs x

Tootsey11 · 20/09/2021 17:14

Op, it's to keep him safe, as hard as that is wouldn't you rather he was given the best chance. The more visitors to a ward the greater the chance of someone bringing covid in.

EverdeRose · 20/09/2021 17:20

Only one person can call because if not staff would be innundated with multiple family members calling multiple times a day, it would mean we'd spend the majority of the day answering calls.

Hospitals are full of extremely vulnerable people, covid would kill them. How would you feel if your dad caught covid because visiting was unchecked. If he was extremely poorly or likely to day you'd be able to visit.

PointlessLife11 · 20/09/2021 17:22

I was in hospital the week before last and we were allowed one named visitor once I'd been there two days.

CorrBlimeyGG · 20/09/2021 17:34

I'm really sorry for what you're going through @Jinnybean. Those who are responding coldly have no idea what it is like to be in this situation. It's heartbreaking.

Interaction with loved ones is a vital part of recovery. I've seen first hand the deterioration of patients left with no true human contact for even just a week. A nurse checking your obs once every few hours is not true contact, it might as well be a robot. I can't write about it at the moment, it's too raw.

I hope you get some reassuring news soon. Keep a link to this thread, and when the covid inquiry eventually happens, use your posts to form a submission. This practice is inhumane.

(I'm not blaming the front line staff, but the policy makers who have zero compassion.)

Beseen22 · 20/09/2021 17:36

We just recently had visiting cancelled as the numbers are very worrying again in our trust. In your circumstances I think it would be worth having a chat with the nurse in charge to see about getting in, especially if its a single room. With regards to the phone calls of course you can call the ward but realistically with some families it it every single auntie and cousin phoning and we already have double the patients we used to have and everyone is sadly generally more acutely unwell than they used to be. I so wish I had time to speak to every family member but its one less minute I get to spend with my patients and we have to prioritise monitoring and caring for them so some wards ask for a single point of contact who can then pass any news on. I'm so sorry for what you are going through, I honestly think this is one of the worst parts of all the restrictions, people should be able to have their family close in such situations.

PillowTalking · 20/09/2021 17:40

So sorry to hear that op I hope he makes a speedy recovery
My step nan was in hospital last week with ?pneumonia which turned out to be lung cancer.
Anyway, she was allowed 1 visitor for an hour a day, could be someone different every day. She was on the respiratory ward.

Holskey · 20/09/2021 18:28

I disagree with the "no visitors" rule. I'm so sorry for you and the many others in your situation. It's inhumane.

iamnotanalcoholic70 · 20/09/2021 18:33

We've had a hospital outbreak due to a family returning from holiday with Covid and then coming to visit a sick relative. As they had all been immunised they thought it would be fine.
This is why we have to stop visiting when the community levels are so high.

Original poster
Jinnybean · 20/09/2021 19:14

I would happily have LfT and Ppe up to my eyeballs just to speak to him one more time.

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 20/09/2021 19:36

I nearly cried at work today. I saw a lady (60 ish) tearfully help her mum put on a mask at the entrance to the hospital I work in and wave her in. I was gelling my hands so I said to the lady, would you like me to help your mum get to where she’s going? She replied her mum has cancer and needed an emergency scan. I told her to put a mask on and go with her mum. yes we need to reduce risk of infection but there are exceptions and I was so happy to be in a position to give permission to someone who needed it but wouldn’t have asked. Right place right time. Speak to the ward sister or nurse in charge and see if you meet the exception criteria. In my hospital you would. Offer to do a lateral flow test before going in (we can ask but cannot insist).

PillowTalking · 20/09/2021 20:06

@m0therofdragons thats lovely, thanks for doing that. It bought a tear to my eye.

olidora63 · 20/09/2021 20:15

Definitely contact PALS first thing tomorrow. Also speak to the ward manager. It is absolutely shocking that you cannot visit your very ill father. Offer to get a PCR test and self isolate until you get the result back and also do LFT when you visit! It is not only visitors who can cause a problem…lots of staff working with school age children and some probably been out in bars etc at the weekend ! It really is crazy and inhumane 💐💐

Mojoj · 20/09/2021 20:18

It is an abuse of your human rights. And I am so sorry for your wee Dad

olidora63 · 20/09/2021 20:20

@m0therofdragons…you sound like my kind of person,compassion and common sense is what is needed in OP situation!
I work with EOL patients and we never refuse visitors LFT and PPE is all we insist on and obviously no visitors with any Covid symptoms.

countrygirl99 · 20/09/2021 20:24

Oh OP, I know how you feel. We are just through a 5 week stint with similar issues with my dad and it's utterly heartbreaking. Fingers crossed for you and your family.

AveryGoodlay · 20/09/2021 20:28

I think one person should be allowed to visit if it's for big decisions. My friends husband (double jabbed) is currently in ICU on a CPAP machine so he can't talk to her on the phone and is having to decide whether to consent to a ventilator which will be for months. They just want to be able to make such a major decision together.

Hairyfairy01 · 20/09/2021 21:03

Because the impact of a Covid outbreak in a hospital ward are huge, especially on people like your dad. Sadly visitors increase the risk of an outbreak.

m0therofdragons · 20/09/2021 23:53

Thank you @PillowTalking and @olidora63 I wanted to give the lady a hug. It was a mix of feeling happy to make a difference and a sadness at what they were going through. There are rules at the moment but they should only ever be implemented with compassion and common sense.

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