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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let him go to the village park

51 replies

Cheesecakeandwine · 19/09/2021 18:24

We have an almost 10 year old ds in year 5. For context we live in a no through village so the only reason to enter it is for a village based reason. He has a super tracking watch that shows me where he is at all times. Let’s us video call each other, set alarms plus has an SOS button. His same age friends have all started going to the park in the centre of the village together. AIBU to let him go with them (never alone)? My husband is very against it.

OP posts:
surreygirl1987 · 19/09/2021 20:34

At 10 I think that's absolutely fine. I love the watch idea.

Nonicknamesforcatapillars · 19/09/2021 20:36

Yeah I would. But he’s your kid and only you know if he’s mature enough.

Vodkacarbsandtobacco · 19/09/2021 20:37

Oh OP this is a tough one, I think it's fine for him to go as his friends are going and he has a phone so you can always get hold of him. My eldest is 9 (girl) and she has recently been going to the little shop which is next door to our house by herself ( I always watch her out of the window) she feels really grown up and doesn't know I watch her the whole time bless her. I'm absolutely dreading the day she asks to go to the park with her friends 🙈 but I know it's only a matter of time. I think the first few times he goes maybe ask him to just text you a thumbs up every half an hour or so to put your mind at rest and prove he knows he needs to be responsible, and give him a strict time to be home xxx

Gindrinker43 · 19/09/2021 20:39

Mine were walking home from school by then, they had to cross at a pedestrian crossing then a 20 min walk on footpaths again in a rural area.

PlanetTeaTime · 19/09/2021 20:41

Honestly it sounds safe to me

But my daughter is only a baby and I've never had a ten year old!

Do you live in a safe area?

bluebeach · 19/09/2021 20:49

For those that think a tracker watch is creepy... it’s on a 9 year old kid and he’s fully aware of it. A single friend of mine asked me to have find my phone for her while she was going through a rough patch with an ex. Sometimes having someone knowing where you are just makes you feel safer. It doesn’t mean you’ll be tracking them forever!

hangrylady · 19/09/2021 20:50

Your husband is being so unreasonable. He's 10. With a tracker. In a village.

Ducksurprise · 19/09/2021 21:18

@bluebeach

What’s the problem with the watch?? Most phones have a tracker option, I think it’s really useful. We have just started letting our dd go to the park to meet friends. She has a watch like this and it gives her the confidence to go.
For me the problem is as they get older they don't want to be tracked. If they think you are tracking them they are more likely to leave phone etc behind when they go somewhere they are not allowed. That's the time they most need their phone.
Vodkacarbsandtobacco · 19/09/2021 22:18

Ooooh I'm sorry to be so selfish but I'm so glad you posted this thread OP because i never knew a kids tracker even existed! Xx

surreygirl1987 · 19/09/2021 22:24

Re the watch comments... my husband and I each have an app that shows each other where we are. This was a choice made by both of us in a happy and equal relationship. Nothing weird about it - we just want the security and reassurance of somebody else knowing where we are in case anything happens to us. It's also just generally helpful- I don't have to worry if my husband is late home as I can see he's stuck on the motorway for instance!
OP I'd love to know what watch your child has!

thetrolleywitch · 19/09/2021 23:07

I'm a year 6 teacher and I started to build up my own year 6 DC's independence over that year as I have seen so many children going off to secondary school with no road sense, timekeeping etc.

I wouldn't have let her in year 5 TBH but she is quite young for the year group so was 9 until August of that year and she's my eldest. I'm pretty sure I'll let younger DC out with friends from a younger age. The park in a known space with tracker sounds like a good first step.

Saracen · 20/09/2021 01:16

"My husband feels that our ds is ‘too nice’ and could be easily swayed by a stranger and it only takes seconds for someone to shove him in a van."

My kid is super gullible like this. I've told her to stick with her friends and not hang about alone. Her friends are more savvy than she is, and besides it seems quite unlikely anyone would undertake to shove multiple children into a van, or succeed at it!

Kanaloa · 20/09/2021 01:28

I think it’s fine but if you and DH are nervous maybe you could sit him down and have a good talk, especially if DH feels he is too nice and friendly with strangers. Tell him it is a blanket rule to never ever get in anyone’s car etc, and perhaps give him a few contingency plans eg ‘what would you do if you fight with your friends’ so you can feel confident he will be able to be independent.

Kanaloa · 20/09/2021 01:29

Just because that was really my biggest worry when ds started going out alone, that he would have an argument with his friends then the ‘safe’ group he was in would break up and he’d be alone. But now he knows he can phone me/come home if he fights with his friends, so I feel confident he’s ok when he’s alone. Of course there’s still risks but that’s part of growing up and being independent.

avamiah · 20/09/2021 01:44

My daughter is 11 and just started secondary school and we have to take the underground which takes about 22 mins.
She has asked me if she can come home with her 3 friends as they all get on the same train.
I have said YES as there will be 4 of them together and she gets off before them so she won’t be alone as I will meet her at station.
You have to let them grow up .

a8mint · 20/09/2021 06:27

The watch has a built in microphone to record everything your child says, or is said around them. Now that is creeepy!

EmeraldRaine · 20/09/2021 06:44

Bloody hell your kid does not need a tracker. And yes he should go. Or he's going to be the weird kid whose parents control his every move.

PieMistee · 20/09/2021 06:56

My DC have going to the park since they were about 9 by themselves and we live in a big quite rough city. They have had very little trouble. the bits they have had they have had to learn to negotiate which is pretty essential around here. In year 6 they got buses or cycled with their mates, go swimming, go to the shops, to the milkshake cafe. Makes them independent, confident and teaches them loads of skills.

AFuturisticalSound · 20/09/2021 07:08

Where do you live? Is somewhere that is known for having child abductors cruisng the streets in old Transits?

It's valid to worry about crossing roads or being silly in the park and having an accident but not about things that next to never happen

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 20/09/2021 09:52

At DS3's school they're allowed to walk to and from school from year 5, all my DC have been allowed to go to the shop or the park with friends from age 9. They do have phones, but DS2's is never on. Hmm

ManifestDestinee · 20/09/2021 09:59

For me the problem is as they get older they don't want to be tracked. If they think you are tracking them they are more likely to leave phone etc behind when they go somewhere they are not allowed. That's the time they most need their phone

Yeah, teens not taking their phones out with them. That's likely! Have you ever met a teenager? They can barely go to the toilet without their phones.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 20/09/2021 10:06

DS2 has his off permanently.

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 20/09/2021 10:18

fine. my 10yo has now started walking a mile home from school, with friends for the first half. urban environment. she doesn't have a phone, but does carry our numbers in her bag.

I do have misgivings about trackers. I had a colleague who was still tracking her 15yo (!) as she never got comfortable with letting her be out of supervision. It is really uncomfortable at first, and I've always been staring at the clock and pacing about when mine first started going out, but you need to get used to it.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 20/09/2021 10:23

I'd be really concerned about teaching my children that someone tracking them is normal.

And that watch has a microphone, which records... the legality of recording other people is an interesting aside, but do you know where that data goes? Who can access it? How securely it's stored?

TakeYourFinalPosition · 20/09/2021 10:24

Yeah, teens not taking their phones out with them. That's likely! Have you ever met a teenager? They can barely go to the toilet without their phones.

It's stupidly easy to turn off tracking on most phones. Teens will know that. They won't leave their phones, they'll turn off the tracking options - either directly in the app, or through the numerous other ways you can stop them without having access to the initial app.