To be scared of having another baby

[Jassielil]

Hi all, Just wanted some advice, am I overthinking this decision! I had a challenging pregnancy with dd, no complications but severe sickness throughout the whole 9 months. Birth was ok but physically had some issues which have only been resolved 3 years later - which has made it very difficult to maintain a good ‘romantic life’ with DH. Throw in some PND and I feel like ive been traumatised. Our dd also has some additional needs (not severe) but we have now been told we have a slightly higher chance of having a child with complex needs than others. We now both would love another baby but keep discussing all the risks in great detail, I don’t know if we’re overthinking things and should go for it or perhaps count ourselves lucky for having dd and leave it there.
I know no one else can make the decision but would welcome other stories who may have experienced similar.

Only speaking from my own experiences (and having a particularly shit day today) but I'd say don't do it. I now have 2 DC with SEN (albeit both complex needs) and they have screamed at me and attacked me all weekend. Finding correct schools is a complete nightmare (one DC no school place, age 6.5yrs) and the strain on my marriage is extreme. Also, all the doting external family support networks disappear with older children with SEN, they can't cope babysitting or won't try.

Again, just my (highly jaded) experiences but imo it's better to just pool all your love, energy and resources into the one you've got if there is a chance of this happening to another child. Good luck whatever you decide.

@LadyOfLittleLeisure
Thanks for being so honest. Sorry to hear it’s not been a good day. Hope it gets better soon. It is good to hear from someone who has the experience you do as all of our families encourage us to have another child but I don’t think they understand the situation we could end up being in.

[quote Jassielil]@LadyOfLittleLeisure
Thanks for being so honest. Sorry to hear it’s not been a good day. Hope it gets better soon. It is good to hear from someone who has the experience you do as all of our families encourage us to have another child but I don’t think they understand the situation we could end up being in.[/quote]
Yeah, unfortunately your family and friends will likely never understand the position you're in fully. I love my DC so, so much and we have some amazing times, but honestly it's really hard not to resent the life we have sometimes. That said, I don't speak for all families with children with additional needs (although I do work with and socialise a lot with them!)

In interests of full disclosure, I absolutely yearn for another baby and I'm only just starting to come to terms with the fact that this probably shouldn't won't happen for us. The desire to have more children can be really strong so I know where you're coming from.

Oops * shouldn't

Yes I can identify with this completely. We have even considered adoption but that’s obviously not an easy road either.