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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not send children to contact

3 replies

Sillylemonade1 · 18/09/2021 18:31

I'll give some background info,

Ex sees my two children (4&2) on a Sunday, and only Sunday as set by a court order, any other days are at my discretion. This is due to previous domestic violence, drink and drug use. In the court order it states he is not to drink or use drugs 24 hrs prior to contact.

He's jumped from girl to girl since we split, purely for somewhere to live. He split up with a girl 3/4 weeks ago who he had been with for about 3 months, and by the next weekend had introduced another girl to the children as his girlfriend and had moved in with her.

From my understanding he had been off the drink and drugs/wasn't excessive use, but this last week I've had a different ex (who he has a young baby with) of his messaging me telling me he's been turning up at her home at silly hours shouting through the letter box, demanding to see the baby, driving back to the recent ex for money for fuel, and then back again. Him and his most recent ex had a fight and he now apparently has a black eye and hasn't been able to go to work (another reason why I think he's back on it all again excessively because he's not at work). The babies mum said he was meant to go and see them last night, but said he chose to go round his mates for a session (drink and drugs involved).

I honestly feel like this week has shown some really erratic and unstable behaviour, I don't think I've managed to describe everything well as I have to type it but I've tried! And I'm not comfortable sending the girls to him. He now isn't living anywhere other than friends, I don't know if he will still be having a drug session by tomorrow. I know once he's in that mind, he doesn't come out of it for a while (from my experience when I was with him). The fact him and his recent girlfriend had a fight where he ended up with a black eye I'm not happy about as I don't want my children around someone like that (apparently she did this infront of her own child who is a little older than my eldest).

Sorry for rattling on! I'm just really not happy with sending the girls to contact until I know he's in a normal frame of mind again, I don't know how long that'll be but I don't think they'll be in safe hands when he's acting like this. I'll be breaking my court order but surely I have to put my children's safety first.
I have tried to push for supervised contact in the past, but cafcass weren't interested and neither was court, despite him admitting still using drugs etc. Baffles me tbh!

Opinions please, thank you!!

OP posts:
DominicRaabsTravelAgent · 18/09/2021 18:40

Obviously morally they shouldn't be in his care but I don't know how you stand legally. It's a shame that Rights of Women aren't open at the weekend. Maybe you could talk to them next week about applying to have supervised contact only?

Hopefully, somebody will be along soon who can talk to you about the implications of breaking the Court Order.

Cherrysoup · 18/09/2021 18:47

Think I’d be applying back to court for zero contact if he’s into the drink/drugs when the ruling says nothing for 24hrs in advance of seeing them. Will he kick off if you refuse to send them?

itsgettingwierd · 18/09/2021 19:23

The court order says no drink and drugs for 24 hours prior to contact.

You suspect he's using and have written evidence he's been to a session at his friends house. Keep the screenshot.

I don't have any legal background but I think for now until Monday when you can seek clarification you can cover yourself because you have a real belief he's also broken the court order.

If he's back in a bad way with addiction again is he likely to turn up anyway?

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