Lone parent struggles... About to combust

[Singleparentstruggles]

I'm just so exhausted, I really am..
DD 3 years old, dropped her nap completely now, up from 6.30am today, will go to bed at 7pm.
I work full time in a really busy and stressful job, my DD goes to extended hours childcare as I work extended hours. I'm 100% financially responsible for her also as her father fiddled the cms system and immediately went self employed to hide earnings. Receive such a pitiful amount it just goes into a savings out.
We literally get 30 minutes in the morning and evenings together x 5 days a week. I spend Saturdays on my feet most of the day, catching up with errands and chores I don't get to do in the week. I've clocked 12000 steps already..
DD only sees her dad once a fortnight in a contact centre due to previous domestic abuse and child abuse, I would never ever want his support anyway. It's a whole day from the weekend that just goes. Then it's Monday again. Dd needs constant stimulation, don't like to shove her in front of the TV :(
No family help at all. Nobody to help at all.
I'm just on my knees :(
DDs dad now trying to push contact up to weekly, I will just die if that happens. I'll have no life, no weekend whatsoever with her.. What's the point..
No point to this, just physically and emotionally exhausted. Wish it was easier.

What does working extended hours mean ? More than full time?

It's so tough. 3 is a very hard age too. I've raised my DCs entirely alone since they were 10, 7 and 2 (now 17, 14 and 9). I promise you it will get easier. In a few short years she will be great company. She is the point. Your relationship with her is the point. Hang in there.

Sending love. It is tough and it is absolutely fine and NORMAL to feel like this. Before anything, stop beating yourself up. You are doing anything wrong.

I’m sure finances are tight, but if there is anyway you can find a few extra tenners a week, even at the expense of saving, I would suggest:

• a cleaner, even 3 hours a fortnight can hugely lighten the load in terms of not dealing with the not so nice jobs, and a clean/tidy house is a massive mental health boost
• babysitting - given the long nursery hours, it sounds like you might be able to find a sitter who can do pick up, and stay for 3/4 hours to do tea (even sandwiches is fine for one night), bath and bed, or frankly just sit and watch TV shows together on a Friday night. Get this in the diary EVERY WEEK. This means once a week you get a break from the rush between work and being a mum - so you can go for a couple of beers after work, go for a massage/haircut, meet a friend, or just sit by yourself in a restaurant and get a meal. It’s hard to not be home for your DD given the limited time together over the week, but by given up 30 min one evening and getting yourself back, you can do the rest of the week better, it’s totally worth it. And it is great for your DD too - she gets to develop a relationship with someone hopefully loving who isn’t you.

Yes, all this is expensive, and organising and finding the help is itself difficult. But it is a long term investment in yourself and your relationship with you child, it is absolutely worth every penny. You’ll find you will perform better as a mum, better as a career woman, and that will give you opportunities to succeed that will be hard in the current set up.

I have been there. Mine is older than yours now and outsourcing and just accepting I had to budget for this over holidays, clothes, nights out etc, and accepting help, was the very best thing I could have done.

Oh, and if the sitter can get your child to sleep, ask them to put a load of laundry on!

*arent!! Aren’t doing anything wrong!

Oh and lastly, NO way will your ex get every weekend. No judge will allow that. At most he will every other weekend, which sounds doubtful given the DV record.

Can you afford to go part-time and dropping a nursery day? It might be best if so. You'll burn out fast doing as you are.

Normal to feel like that. And so very hard. But you are doing everything right. Financially supporting her and yourself, loving her, taking care of her needs. It will get a bit easier. But it is hard work.

Sending hugs op. Firstly no judge will give every weekend. And secondly why don't you ease up on the chores. You have a three year old. You're allowed to be less perfect.
Allow yourself to take some short cuts. You don't need to be mum of the year all the time.

Thank you. I'm so, so tired today 😥 feel guilty that the TV has been on a lot more usual today. :(

I'd look at negotiating shorter hours, and/or flexible working so that you don;t commute into work each day, and less nursery time

I can't drop days or hours at work due to financial reasons and the nature of the job.. She gets finding next year so may be an option around that time but even so, working gives me additional purpose in life and I really enjoy working. I just don't know how to keep her occupied. I can't even sit down to drink a cuppa without being climbed on and having my hair yanked. Was up several times last night as she kept crying out in her sleep. Feel utterly shattered today.

Can you work from home 1 or 2 days?
And don't worry about tv. Half an hour tv a day won't damage her!
Sandwiches are fine for tea, my lot have breakfast cereal when I cba.

And go easy on yourself! you've got a tough gig, 3 is a hard age.