Am I completely over thinking this?

[Chloe9871]

So dh and I are about to buy our first house ( put an offer in and had it accepted so just getting things ready to go) we are currently renting and have been here for 3 years, it’s a lovely area but we just can’t afford to buy here as what we are looking for we can’t get for our budget, we have found a house on the other side of the city, got it accepted at 20k under the asking price and have the money to do the work we want to do to make it how we want. Dh is a builder,painter and decorator so has worked all across the city so knows places well and he says it is a good area ( we have been considering this area for the past few months whilst browsing as it’s on the side closer to the things and places we need) however we have 2 children in school here, dd age 6 and ds 4. Just started year 1 and reception and they were both at the nursery inside the school before starting full time to so most of these kids have been with my children since nursery. My dd has a very large friend group and so does my son and are both settled. I feel extremely guilty about moving them away from their school and friends ( the school is absolutely brilliant ) I’ve had to speak to the children about possibly moving schools and they both end up crying saying they don’t want to move. It’s got to the point where we are considering pulling out the offer because I just feel so guilty about moving their schools. It’s causing arguments between me and dh bevause he says I’m being absolutely ridiculous thinking that this is the best school in the world and that we can’t find a good school next to our new house ( would be absolutely impossible to bring them to current school it’s a 30 minute drive) I just don’t know what the best thing to do is, I keep going through times we’re I’m okay and excited to move and then other times I feel sick with worry and guilt that I will be ruining my kids lives and upsetting them. I know realistically we just can’t afford to buy in this area and it’s not going to happen,the only option would be finding somewhere in the middle and keep bringing them to this school. Do you think iabu? Dh just thinks it’s silly I don’t want to move for the sake of the kids school. How do you know what the right decision is? I just keep worrying I’ll move them and they will be so unhappy or the school will be terrible. I’m just so torn and confused on what to do.

I moved my son when he was seven and it was the best thing I ever did. He fitted in far more. Plus you also have to think about having friends in your local area.

You’ve mentioned you live in Brum, a thirty min trip across the city is not the same as a thirty min traffic free rural jaunt, I’d move them, you’ll be sick of the traffic each day!

If it's a 30 minute drive each way, that's longer in rush hour, that could easily become 3 hours a day in the car just on ferrying the DC to and from school, which is a ludicrous waste of time.

You either need to continue with the move and change schools or find something cheaper where you are, or stay renting, the obvious downside of which is that in 10 years time when your DC are coming up to GCSE age, you'll have wasted tens of thousands of pounds in rent instead of being well on the way to owning a property outright.

It's great your children have friends - it shows they can make them easily and will do it in a new school.

What if you give up this opportunity and stay. Then over the next 3-5 2/3/4 of the families who your children are friends with make a move somewhere else? They move their children schools? Your children end up in the same situation in reverse and you've given up the chance to get on the property ladder.

We moved when we were 11/8/5. We moved from city to large village about 7 miles away. Back then they had different school systems and I went from top year in middle school to year 7 half a term in with kids who'd been at primary altogether too. I'd also never done the secondary transfer stuff.

It was fine. I made friends.

It's hard but you need to make it a positive experience for your children and show them the positives - but people move and re settle all the time.

Your DH is correct on this one, you are being silly. It was also very premature to tell children this young. You could be months away from moving, or this particular move could all fall through anyway. It would be better to keep quiet until just before and then you present it as a fair accompli, not a matter for discussion.

The likelihood is that they'll have to stay in their school for now, even if you did move. They're both infant age and there's a limit on class sizes. You're likely going to find that good schools near your new house are full, and you'll have to add your children to waiting lists for a place to come up.

I'd certainly move for a better quality of life though. Kids are adaptable. My daughter has just moved to high school and, despite having a large group of friends in primary, they've mostly been sacked off for new ones, as I'm sure is the case for most children starting a new school.

Its actually a really good age to move and they adapt much quicker than both they and you might think.

Wel of course if you tell a 4 and 6 Yr old that they are going to have to leave their current school and friends well in advance (rather than framing it as going to a new exciting school once the deal is done), then they will get upset!!
I bet they also get upset over many other things and can't understand hypothetical bigger picture issues...because they're 4 and 6

Sounds like the perfect time to move schools. A lot of kids don't go to schools with integrated nurseries and start a new school at that age. They will unlikely be the only newbies in year 1 and reception. And kids are resilient and make friends
I think denying them a family on the property ladder for the sake of a few nursery friends and little kids displaying usual little kid behaviours is something that they will not thank you for in the long run. If I were your DH, I would be incredibly frustrated

Also second the comments that you were an absolute dingbat to give a four and six-year-old the floor to pass comment on a house move. They have no understanding about anything so of course wouldn’t want anything to change.

Your children are exactly that..children.
You are the parents making decisions that are best for ALL the family.
Children adjust, your job is to make them feel safe and secure during the moving/settling in process.
So go ahead with your plans, reassure them that all is well, all WILL be well and there are lots of good friends waiting out there to meet them..
Best wishes for you all in your new home.