To think this is rude (phone)?

[DumbestBlonde]

I have a female friend, who is the same generation. The friendship is basically on her terms - i.e. timing, location [there is a reason for this which I mostly accept]. She uses a Bluetooth earpiece that can't be seen under her hair. If she gets a call (usually boyfriend, to chat), it isn't aways evident, she just stops speaking, or ignores the fact that I am speaking - and just starts chatting to him - and I am waved away; usually the topic of discussion is not returned to.

I of course, grew up in a pre-mobile/mos technology era (as did she), but am not unused to it or afraid of it. I don't even really think this is a tech issue - I am just utterly disregarded - but I don't even realise it until she say "Hello -- " to the caller, and I am left sometimes mid-word, open-mouthed like a bloody goldfish.

Am I BU to think it's rude, and sort of (there is another kind of connected issue, posting separately about that) let this friendship dwindle, or even just cut it off...?
(I do feel that it is somehing of a loss, but I am sick of looking/feeling an idiot.)

I wouldn’t be rushing to go out with someone that rude

I'd get up and leave, sod her and rudeness.

It is rude. But I would talk to her about it and tell her what you need. Even a quick “excuse me I have to take this” would probably help as well as not answering every call that comes in.

Try telling her how it bothers you and give her a chance to change before cutting the friendship off.

That's really rude.
I apologise to the cashier at the till if my mobile rings and only answer if I know its important.

Yes I would tell her straight that when you are together you would prefer her not to accept calls as you find it really rude.

Unfortunately if she is this rude in the first place, it is unlikely that she will care or adhere.

Is she actually good company??! It's hard to imagine

Have you ever told her how weird that is!?

Rude. I'd address it with 'are you out with me or going to be on your phone all the time'. I'd be inclined to just cut off someone that clueless though.

Aye, that's bloody rude.
I know what I would be telling her to do with her Bluetooth earpiece.

I hope you find the nerve to say "God that's so rude" and walk out of her life never to be seen again. If as you say there are other issues, she's not even worth starting a thread about.

It's rude, especially if she just waves you away and doesn't apologize for the interruption. I would not end the friendship just for that, but I would tell her frankly that you find it hurtful.

Not implying you don't have the nerve of course, just it can be unpleasant dealing with people like this.

I'm a bit of a phone addict and game on my phone, but if I'm meeting up with someone, I put my phone on DND and just look to see if I've had a message about every half an hour. Only because I'm an emergency contact for my GC and a couple of other vulnerable people. This week I've kept my phone on because my DD has pneumonia. In any other circumstances, it's rude.

@PlanDeRaccordement

It is rude. But I would talk to her about it and tell her what you need. Even a quick “excuse me I have to take this” would probably help as well as not answering every call that comes in.

Try telling her how it bothers you and give her a chance to change before cutting the friendship off.

You're right. I think, as is usual for me, the friendship such as it is, is unbalanced, and she knows that..... (size of family, employment etc etc) - although she does appreciate my "widsom", and value as a sounding board.

I sort of through that she would know, like most people do, how "rude" it is - made worse I don't even hear her phone actually ring, she just changes who she is talking to and I didn't know he had called.

I am trying to be laid back [as much as I ever can be....] about it, but it is getting a bit tiring now (coupled with the other connected issue).

I’d just hand or smoke signal, ‘I WILL LEAVE YOU TO YOUR MORE IMPORTANT CONVERSATION’, and walk out and leave her to her priorities. Easily resolved.

*thought, not through

Fucking rude. Talk to her about it. If no change, the next time she does it go home.

I've actually got no problem people answering their phones but the conversation should be I'm out with *** ill call you back later / tomorrow.

@Chamomileteaplease

Yes I would tell her straight that when you are together you would prefer her not to accept calls as you find it really rude.

Unfortunately if she is this rude in the first place, it is unlikely that she will care or adhere.

Is she actually good company??! It's hard to imagine

I don't like to say "Don't accept calls...."; I think it is mainly the way it happens. I think she must think it is perfectly OK....

In terms of being good company - well, not really - everything I ever say is trumped, overshadowed or - as with the calls - cut-off halfway through, and never referred back to. And it's not all my own MeMeMe stuff - I am generally talking to her about her things, or more general aspects of life and such.

I just don't have so many friends (or Family - that old chestnut....) that it is easy to walk away (although see The Other Issue, that I will post about....), but I do wish I could have enough self-respect to do it.

@SlidDownTheElephantsTrunk

Fucking rude. Talk to her about it. If no change, the next time she does it go home.

I've actually got no problem people answering their phones but the conversation should be I'm out with *** ill call you back later / tomorrow.

We are often in a setting where I can then talk to someone else, so it isn't always so noticeable unless I focus on it, which I have done recently. As it is usually her boyfriend (partner - lives with), she will be seeing him later anyway.... Or her daughter, who is a bit clingy as she is about 6 months pregnant (and, I'm sorry to say, only 15.... so quite a worry).

Next time she dies it just say to her you are fed up of her being so rude to take calls when with you

If you don’t feel you can next time she waves you away go home, just leave her to it
Then if she contacts you tell her she is being rude and you are fed up of it. Unless she commits to not taking calls when with you there is no point meeting

Next time - if you give her a next time - just mouth at her that you're popping to the loo and then go off home or shopping or whatever and don't come back. She needs to experience consequences.

It sounds like a friendship which is reaching its conclusion to me. What is this mysterious Other Issue?

@BuckyBarnesArm

It sounds like a friendship which is reaching its conclusion to me. What is this mysterious Other Issue?

The Other Issue, is quite convoluted - and not sure if it's an AIBU post. There are pevious issues connected that play a part as well. It will probably be a rant, although I am also looking for other perspectives and advice..... Separate post will be forthcoming.