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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Surrogacy and lockdown - what about the babies?

24 replies

CanIPleaseHaveOne · 17/09/2021 16:01

The surrogacy thread in AIBU is an eye opening read I must say. I had never really thought too much about this issue. But a horrible thought crossed my mind - what would have happened to babies born last year to surrogates when nobody could travel to collect the baby. Were they raised by the birth mother? Put into care? Were they then taken at a year old?
Or by some miracle/coincidence were no surrogate babies born last year?
Does anyone know?

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 17/09/2021 16:04

There was a lot about this on the news at the start of the lockdowns March/April last year. Cots full of babies in hospital waiting for their parents to come and collect them, but the parents couldn't get there. I think it might have been Ukraine, but not sure.

NuffSaidSam · 17/09/2021 16:04

Here:

www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/world-europe-52673225

WoozySnoozy · 17/09/2021 16:05

Oh boor babies

Gorl · 17/09/2021 16:05

There was a horrible tragedy with this in Ukraine, with babies basically left abandoned and given only basic care because their adoptive parents couldn’t collect them.

I’m not sure about this country but I expect it would have been considered a valid reason for travel.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 17/09/2021 16:05

They were left with their surrogate/birth mothers for a year or left in orphanage style arrangements I think
I read about an American woman who was raising the baby and had been for over a year.

CanIPleaseHaveOne · 17/09/2021 16:05

@NuffSaidSam

There was a lot about this on the news at the start of the lockdowns March/April last year. Cots full of babies in hospital waiting for their parents to come and collect them, but the parents couldn't get there. I think it might have been Ukraine, but not sure.
Bloody hell. It is very hard to think about this.
OP posts:
WoozySnoozy · 17/09/2021 16:05

*poor babies. I hope they have been loved

Gorl · 17/09/2021 16:05

Sorry, cross posted!

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 17/09/2021 16:06

@WoozySnoozy

*poor babies. I hope they have been loved
Very likely to have attachment issues that will affect their whole lives sadly
CanIPleaseHaveOne · 17/09/2021 16:07

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

They were left with their surrogate/birth mothers for a year or left in orphanage style arrangements I think I read about an American woman who was raising the baby and had been for over a year.
I read about an American woman who was raising the baby and had been for over a year.

But then what would happen? The baby lives with it's mother for a YEAR and is then taken away? It seems to be incredibly cruel. But dreadful also for that woman - surely she will also have bonded with the child?

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Thesearmsofmine · 17/09/2021 16:08

There were various news stories about it last year. Babies in rows of cots with a couple of carers attending to them. I do wonder what happened to them and their mothers?

spicedappledonuts · 17/09/2021 16:11

It highlights that surrogacy is just a polite way to say child trafficking.

Rearing a baby in an orphanage or removing them from their birth mother after a year will both be damaging to the babies.

Children shouldn't be ordered and traded like green beans.

CanIPleaseHaveOne · 17/09/2021 16:13

@spicedappledonuts

It highlights that surrogacy is just a polite way to say child trafficking.

Rearing a baby in an orphanage or removing them from their birth mother after a year will both be damaging to the babies.

Children shouldn't be ordered and traded like green beans.

I am begining to think so.....

I never thought about it before in any significant way before reading that thread in AIBU.

OP posts:
WandaVision2 · 17/09/2021 16:16

@CanIPleaseHaveOne which thread are you referring to?

NuffSaidSam · 17/09/2021 16:16

I think it's one of those things where when you look at one specific example/ relationship it can look beautiful, but when you look at it en masse, as a business, it's sickening.

Thesearmsofmine · 17/09/2021 16:18

@NuffSaidSam

I think it's one of those things where when you look at one specific example/ relationship it can look beautiful, but when you look at it en masse, as a business, it's sickening.
This is how I feel. I think someone doing it for their sister for example is a very different thing to people paying for a baby.
EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 17/09/2021 16:24

The American women I read about wasn't the birth mother, she was being paid by the parents to look after the baby full time

CanIPleaseHaveOne · 17/09/2021 17:11

[quote WandaVision2]@CanIPleaseHaveOne which thread are you referring to?[/quote]
This one. Not easy reading from any point of view. Be prepared.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4349518-Surrogacy-makes-me-very-uncomfortable

OP posts:
CanIPleaseHaveOne · 17/09/2021 17:13

@NuffSaidSam

I think it's one of those things where when you look at one specific example/ relationship it can look beautiful, but when you look at it en masse, as a business, it's sickening.
Yes, exactly this. I looked at through the lens of a cousin of dh. Two sisters, the birth mother is very present in the child's life, he basically has two mothers! The relationship between the sisters is close but healthy. This is how I saw surrogacy before that thread.
OP posts:
OhHolyJesus · 29/09/2021 16:20

I saw this earlier OP, from CBC. It has been discussed on MN elsewhere that one baby boy has has his first birthday with his birth family as the Chinese parents were unable to fetch him. The arrangement for a family friend to fly from I think it was California and take him to China didn't go ahead, wisely I would say, imagine the flight for the family friend (a young woman) with the poor traumatised 1 year old, let alone the poor child being with his genetic parents.

Another similar story is linked to below:

We are quickly approaching the second anniversary of what was the start of a virus that has wrecked our mental and physical health, invaded our safety and comfort, ruined our economy and personal finances, and forever impacted our lives and our world. At the start of the pandemic Jennifer and I were closely following news reports in parts of the world, like the Ukraine, where babies were stranded due to the travel bans in place as part of COVID-19 safety measures. We still think about those babies daily.
As you know, international surrogacy operations exist for two main reasons. One, it’s illegal in the intended parent(s) country of origin. Two, it’s cheap and ‘easy’ (meaning the laws are lax and don’t protect surrogate mothers or the children the bare). Places like the Ukraine have become baby buying hot-spots. COVID-19, as it did with most things, wreaked havoc on the international surrogacy industry and exposed the ethical concerns we have been addressing since day one.
It’s unclear how many babies were stranded in hospitals or hotels with nurses, nannies, surrogate families or even strangers during the last year- or for how long. An Oregon-based lawyer who represents intended parents, estimates that at least two hundred babies were stuck in the United States alone.1 These babies were cared for by a makeshift web of surrogates, relatives, baby nurses, and Good Samaritans.1 One , viewed over 2 million times, showed over 40 screaming babies all sharing one hotel room in the Ukraine, stranded without the devoted motherly love and care they all deserve. Another source stated that over 500 infants were deserted in the Ukraine alone, but the “true number is hard to know due to the nature of the business”.2
In 2015, Thailand made commercial surrogacy illegal. Unfortunately, that didn’t stop greedy and shady people from monetizing off women and children. It was reported that “illegal surrogate babies were been abandoned in Thailand due to the COVID-19 travel bans”.3 Thankfully, criminal investigations are being pursued by authorities.3 Again, no reports on the number of children left homeless.
Some of these babies are over a year old and are still living in limbo.
Can you imagine being born, possibly whisked away from the only home you’ve known to live in a place only until your “biological” parents come and get what they purchased? Babies, little humans, striped down to an unclaimed product. I know, I know, if COVID-19 didn’t happen this wouldn’t be a concern. But it did and I hope to God it has made people think about how we have commodified children.
One editorial I read did give me the slightest bit of hope. In June, Cari Shane wrote an article in Fortune claiming a reduced number of women willing to become surrogate mothers post-pandemic. Tina Dettlaff, from Surrogacy Experience was quoted, “The number of women exploring gestational surrogacy has dramatically decreased”… “more than a 60% decrease from previous years.”
I’d like to think that this pandemic has made us wiser and has taught us to value friends, family, health and life- even the life of a baby caught in the crossfires of unethical international surrogacy arrangements.
1 https://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/the-stranded-babies-of-the-coronavirus-disaster
2 https://biotexcom.com/video-over-500-surrogate-babies-abandoned-in-ukraine-after-wealthy-foreign-parents-barred-from-entering-country-over-coronavirus/
3 http://www.thailawforum.com/blog/surrogate-babies-abandoned-during-covid-crisis

Kinneddar · 29/09/2021 16:23

Theres a woman on Tik Tok who posts about this. She's been looking after a baby since it was born because its parents aren't allowed to travel to the US to pick him up.

She refers to herself as a Nanny. Not sure who pays her but she's had the baby over a year now

ScumbagDave · 29/09/2021 16:27

I know a couple who had a baby through an American surrogate last year. They were allowed to travel to be there for the birth and stayed for a a few weeks, then came back to the UK. Not sure why they were able to do this when others seemingly weren't!

I personally have some serious reservations about surrogacy in general, but this issue wasn't...an issue for the couple I know.

OhHolyJesus · 29/09/2021 17:50

@Kinneddar

Theres a woman on Tik Tok who posts about this. She's been looking after a baby since it was born because its parents aren't allowed to travel to the US to pick him up.

She refers to herself as a Nanny. Not sure who pays her but she's had the baby over a year now

There are numerous examples but I'm guessing that this is the woman you are thinking of? Her name is Kristie Baysinger.

From this article it's clear she is a nanny (as a job) rather than that being the name she calls herself to her son. The little boy has since turned 1 and has obviously reached many a milestone with his family rather than being with the people who provided his genetic material and who are his legal parents, despite being thousands of miles away at the time of his birth and on his birthday.

www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/family/nanny-still-looking-after-couples-24341494

OhHolyJesus · 29/09/2021 17:52

Some old threads about the lockdown babies of Ukraine

Babies stranded in Ukraine http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3910223-Babies-stranded-in-Ukraine

Ukraine surrogacy "trade" www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feminism/3909725-Ukraine-surrogacy-trade

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