Anyone with kids in high(ish) level sport? How do you cope with pushy/competitive parents?

[Lollipop444]

Aibu or are some parents insufferable when it comes to this?

From trying to influence team selection, trying to get special treatment, being coy about available opportunities for competition and training, micromanaging every aspect of their training and queuing up to speak to the coach all the time, the list goes on....

One dad does a full resumee (very long) of every detail of their dc performance every week on social media which is totally cringeworthy. It’s like they are living the life they wanted to live through their kids.

And then some are really nasty to their dc if they don’t perform well and put them under loads of pressure. They admit to looking up the statistics of their competitors and just take it all ultra seriously.

Is this what parents of kids who “make it” in sport have to do? Am I failing my dc by taking a back seat and letting them get on with it themselves? I take them to training and competitions but that is the extent of my involvement...

My dd is a swimmer and so I completely recognise what you describe. Our approach was the same as yours: supportive but not obsessive. I have genuinely been stunned by some of the behaviour I have witnessed. Kids reduced to tears by their parents when they haven’t won/pb’d, the terrified glance up to the spectator gallery at the end of a race to gauge the parents opinion. Awful. Parents who know the times of their child’s competitors in the pool. Kids need to understand they don’t always have to win and that it’s actually ok to lose.

Ignore it. Honestly, just let it wash over you. Competitive parents put so much energy into letting everyone know how great their child is, it can end up draining the joy out of watching your own child.

Dc1 plays at a high level in a sport that’s dominated by public school children, I’m massively generalising based just on our experience on the sidelines, and not saying public school kids/parents are arsehats as a rule, but we’ve witnessed a whole other level of cf behaviour and pompous performance parenting since dc got selected. We’ve also had to bat away a lot of stupid comments as he’s often the only comprehensive school pupil selected. In the beginning it was a bit annoying, now we just laugh and call him the Billy Elliot of the team.

.... Mate, you should try music school parents....

Glad to hear it’s not just me, and not just sports by the sound of it!

I used to love watching when they were young and everyone cheered everyone else and it was all for fun! Sometimes it feels that the fun element is lost now that the stakes are higher (well my fun and enjoyment anyway!).

Oh god - I know what you mean.

In the club my DCs are in, I think it's actually improved as the kids have got better. There are a couple of parents like this, but on the whole we all cheer each other's children on and congratulate (or commiserate) with them. That might have something to do with the fact that it's not a high-powered pushy club though. When I've been with DS to higher level training camps, some of the parents have been completely ridiculous.

@Chaotica makes a reasonable point though. it does get better if they get into really properly elite levels as a/people stop pretending in that awful fake way that it isn't important to them and b/ being really good at it in competition actually requires focus on your own performance, not other peoples.
Having said that...A friend was at a masterclass affair for her daughter and witnessed another parent removing her daughters name from a posted list and moving their own childs up in its place in order to gain some perceived an advantage....extraordinary....

@Wilkolampshade at what your friend saw!

@Chaotica scenes ensued....

I bet they did!

@Chaotica

I bet they did!

I’d love to know what excuse the parent that got caught out used

well in my experience people like this tend to just brazen it out and say, " Well anyone could hear hers was the better performance" or if they're less cocky something like "oh, my daughter needs to play first/last because (random excuse)"
Plenty of BS judging goes on too. My DD and another little boy both received the same points in a competition and the judge actually said, I kid you not, " well WilkoDD and Little Boy both received the same points, but there can only be one winner so little Boy has it." He then proceeded to tell the assembled audience that Little Boys mum, their society secretary, had made a delicious cream tea available at the back of the hall.......
TBH it just made my DD more determined to beat the bastards and get out of the amateur leagues.