Bullies and bully parents

[LegoVsFoot]

I have a 3yo DS and where I live there are a lot of kids who hit, kick and are mean in the playground/around the neighbourhood. Other day I took him to the playground and the kids were swearing and kicking him (maybe 7/8 yo) I came over and they started shouting and swearing at me too. I went around to the other parents saying whose kids are these and a group of mums started shouting at me Yeah what's the problem, what's your issue. I told them and they ignored me, I had to take him away from the playground crying.

I know we could do our best to avoid them but honestly I want my son to feel stood up for and not afraid or like he has to avoid the playground/kids' areas because he'd have to avoid them all - and it's not only a few kids, it's a lot of them who act that way. I've seen other parents slap and shout at kids for hitting their kids, so that's clearly how they deal with it, but that's obviously completely unacceptable to me plus I would not want to get into a problem with the other parents.

I don't know how to stand up to them in a way that doesn't go to their level. I just want my son to feel stood up for and able to play, not afraid or intimidated. How would you deal with this?

tbh If at all possible I would move. It doesn't sound like you kid is going to fit in there and you don't want to live feeling intimidated by kids - who are inevitable going to grow up into teens shortly.

Alternatively maybe enrol both yourself and your son into some kind of martial arts. I'm not saying you should go drop kicking these kids but it might give you the confidence to deal with them.

Gosh where do you live, that’s never happened in any parks near me.

@LittleOwl153 unfortunately not able to move currently. The martial arts could be a good shout. I just want my son to feel confident and able to play while seeing the bullying is wrong. And I hate that I felt intimidated by little kids honestly...they seemed scared by the other parents but that's because they were properly shouting and being physical like I said

@PumpkinKlNG London

That seems odd I’m in south east London and not a nice part and that’s never happened you say you don’t want to go somewhere else but he is only 3 , 3 year olds DONT need to learn to stand up for themselves, go to different play parks.

They sound like riff raff. Can you take him to a nicer park? Where in London are you?

Nothing like I've ever experienced but your 3 yo wouldn't want to be playing with 7/8 you anyway and vice versa

I just don't go to the scummy parks anymore. Over the years a lot of the more normally behaved families stopped going and moved towards parks where you pay to enter. Our local free parks are now havens of nitrous canisters, people drinking strong cider on benches yelling and swearing at passers by, dog shit and violent kids smashing the equipment and ripping up the saplings.

People go "oh it can't be that bad", but in the end, yeah it is. And the papers can print sad stories and the councillors can say they'll do something but in the end nothing's really going to change. Welcome to Britain. Don't challenge the aggressive sorts; they'll probably stab you.

We're in Somers Town/Euston

I also just worry that what if there's no way to entirely avoid these types of kids, he'll have them at school etc, I don't want him to feel intimidated by that type of behaviour. I know he's only 3 but it occurred to me I actually don't know how to stand up to it/what to say for the future.

Find other places to go where the kids are more pleasant. Will these kids be at your DS’s primary school? If so, can you start looking for alternative local schools near you? This isn’t normal in my experience and I think the best you can do is to design your life to avoid this kind of behaviour, rather than teaching your son he has to deal with it like for like.

If kids acted like that in school then there (I’m hoping would be!) consequences so not really the same as the park where they can run riot.

It’s the parents as well as the kids tbf. If those norms of behaviour are tolerated at home the school have little chance. And it makes the school experience pretty shit…

I'm sorry OP there is nothing you can do about this. You can't change their behaviour, if all someone understands is violence you arent going to be able to reason with them.

I think you need to be following him around and stopping him coming to any physical harm, as in remove him from equipment if older kids are becoming threatening. Martial arts isnt going to do anything from a 3 year old against a group of 7 year olds.

I'd also just try different parks or activities you have to pay for

That's awful OP. I would just take him to different parks.

There's one I avoid as some of the children are literally feral. It's opposite their houses and come out by themselves and act like they own it/bully the other children. Its the parents fault for not giving a shit, I've never once seen one and sometimes there's even a small toddler with them who they let wonder off into the road

He's THREE.

When you take him to the park/playground you should be near enough and paying attention enough to prevent anybody hitting/kicking/touching him.