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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Kids going into school crying suddenly

8 replies

Hijabigirl234 · 17/09/2021 10:19

so I have 2 kids dd who has just turned 6 and gone into year 1 and ds who is 4 who has just started reception, both my kids were at the nursery within the school, my daughter loved reception last year and my son the nursery. She’s always absolutely loved school and always thrived,she’s never cried going in at all she’s usually always running in happy. My son always went into nursery happy too, so my daughter started year 1 last week and my son started the week later reception on Monday. Dd was absolutely fine going in last week as normal, my son started Monday and was fine until yesterday. Yesterday both of the kids were waiting to go in outside the gate and they were both saying we don’t want to go in, my son is a very shy little boy but my daughter has never come out with anything like this before so o was just shocked. Ds ended up going in crying and having to be took of me, he had been absolutely fine all week but I just put it down to maybe he was getting a bit over whelmed as this was his first full week at full time school and he is obviously still so young only being 4 ( he’s a end of July baby). I picked him up and teacher said he had been fine all day, however when I got him home he kept coming up to me saying I don’t want to go tomorrow some kids aren’t nice to me. I told him I’d talk to the teacher if that’s how he felt. My daughter burst into tears last night telling me how she wasn’t happy because since Monday this week reception, year 1 and year 2 all play together at the same time on the playground and that ds never lets her play with any one else and always wants her to go and play with him , he’s a very shy child and as soon as I found out about this on Monday I was a bit worried because I want my son to get some independence as he is so shy and if he’s not with me he’s with his sister he has a very strong attachment with dd. I kept telling her she can tell the teacher and THat it’s okay to tell her brother that she wants to play with her friends and I was getting concerned about dd not playing with her usual friend group. She burst into tears last night saying her friends are telling her they won’t play with her because her little brother is always with her and they don’t want to play with him and that he’s not nice so she ended up going to play with ds and his reception friend. I told her she needs to tell the teacher at play time and they will sort it out. She brought it up again to me this morning and I told ds that he has to let his sister play with her friends too. Ds went in fine today no tears, and dd burst into tears as soon as we got to her door even her teacher came over to me and asked what was wrong as she is never like this, I told them about what dd had been telling me and he said he would speak to ds reception teacher ( who was also dds teacher last year ) and that she could have told them if she felt this way.

I just feel so bad, AIBU to be concerned that they are together at playtimes as well as home, I mean obviously it’s not a bad thing they are brother and sister but I’m just concerned as my son is so shy and dependant that he isn’t making other friends and that he’s only staying with dd and then obviously she’s not getting to play with her friends.

She’s very sensitive, she always tries to make everyone else happy and play with them if they want her to she won’t say no. Is this normal? She’s never been like this about school before but now it’s got to the point where she is saying she wants to change schools.

OP posts:
OrangeTortoise · 17/09/2021 10:22

I think you've done the right thing here OP. It's not right for your DD to be looking after DS at break times, it will damage her friendships and it may also get in the way of him making friends. You're right to explain that to DS and DD, and you're also right to mention it to the teacher. Hopefully it will get sorted out soon.

621CustardCream438 · 17/09/2021 10:27

He’s only been in school a week. He’s probably exhausted and overwhelmed, and your daughter probably is too a bit, y1 is a big step up from reception. It’ll all sort itself out in a few days and weeks - lots of little ones want to follow big siblings around initially but then they settle and make their own friends. Honestly I’d be calm, reassuring, shut down any talk about changing schools and concentrate on having a quiet weekend. Give it some time now you have told staff to see what happens next. Don’t feel bad, sending siblings to the same school where they have the same playground is very very normal!

Speededx · 18/09/2021 09:32

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KittenKong · 18/09/2021 09:39

Ahhhhh - the first week is usuallly full of joy and excitement. It’s week 2 and 3 when the children start bawling. I worked in a place that has a nursery as part of it - it was always the same at the start of term! I think they get tired and overwhelmed - but once they settle into a routine. It’s a lot to take in when you are little - loads of other kids, new adults around, new ways of doing things, new rules...

KittenKong · 18/09/2021 09:40

(They don’t cry for long - parents were advised to drop them off, kiss and a hug and a ‘cheerio! See you at pick up!’ Then make a brisk exit).

suzyscat · 18/09/2021 16:10

A lot of Y1 at DD's school are all weeping and not wanting to go in, after running in joyfully last year. Their teacher last year was amazing though. A lot of parent's are less convinced about the new one.

suzyscat · 18/09/2021 16:12

But talk to both teachers. It will help both of them in long run.

Hijabigirl234 · 18/09/2021 16:30

Thanks for all your replies. The teacher spoke to both of my children yesterday, teacher asked dd again after I left why she was upset and she told them that she didn’t like her brother following her around everywhere and that her friends wasn’t wanting to play with her because of this and she would just end up playing with her brother and other reception kids. So dds teacher spoke with ds teacher who spoke to ds and told him he has to let his sister play with her friends and then he can play with his friends too, they did seem to both come out happy as usual yesterday. On Monday when they both came home and told me their play times were together I was slightly worried at that point I don’t know if it’s mums intuition but I had a feeling then it would cause a problem just because I know how attached ds is to dd ( I think it’s because they are so close in age and she babies him a lot ) his personality is also like that he’s very shy and I want him to gain more independence and make new friendships. I know it’s still early days but with dd getting so upset about it I think it was good that we spoke to the teacher about it because it was clearly making her really upset and it was upsetting to me seeing her getting so upset.

I obviously do think as well the move for dd into year 1 is a bit overwhelming too, she keeps saying she really misses her reception teacher and reception in general, I’ve only seen dds year 1 teacher when she stands at the door when we collect the kids and even then she wears a mask so I don’t even know what she looks like and haven’t even spoke to her ( it was the TA who I spoke to about dd,he was her TA in reception and has moved up with them into year 1 with their class which is so lovely ) I think it’s just a bit overwhelming for everyone.

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