OCD around germs.. and someone's come into work REALLY unwell..

[tensofhundreds]

So as the title says. I have a severe OCD around germs, getting unwell, vomiting, anything to do will illness. I do speak to my GP and councillor on a regular basis to help control this.

This morning I've got into work, and my colleague who sits opposite me is really unwell.
He said he's caught it from his wife and children, they're all really unwell with flu like symptoms. He's coughing, spluttering, snotty and runny nose which he's constantly blowing, eyes are streaming and he said he feels 'warmer than usual' and his throat is begging to burn up.
I don't know If im being over dramatic because I know I do sometimes feel a bit irrationally about illnesses, but surely he shouldn't be here?
He did say he's tested daily and doesn't have Covid (thank goodness) but he's still very unwell.

I am going away on a small family break to our family villa at the end of next week and am really trying my best to lay low - going to work and going straight home so as to rest and protect myself and my family as much as possible before we travel.. I just have an awful feeling I'm going to catch this horrible virus.

Am I being unreasonable 😥

This is so selfish - even pre-covid. Management need to step in and take responsibility if this selfish git won't. Either he goes home or the rest of you go home.

@Skinnytailedsquirrel

This is so selfish - even pre-covid. Management need to step in and take responsibility if this selfish git won't. Either he goes home or the rest of you go home.

Is it selfish if you can't afford to lose a day's pay?

OP your anxiety is swamping this situation and you are seeing it in a really black and white way. It is not a given that you will catch this from him, he has every right to be in work and if he really couldn't work he wouldn't be there. He isn't being selfish, he is an adult and can make his own decision on this. We can not expect to never cross paths with anyone who has a cold or cough, that is unrealistic. Please address your own anxiety on this topic in therapy.

There are two separate things going on here.

First off, your OCD around illness is yours to manage. Of course you say you're doing that, but it's not other people's responsibility to adjust their behaviour to manage your mental health. If you're seeing a counsellor you must have some strategies you can use to tackle it.

Secondly, his health is his to manage. He may or may not be well enough to be at work. But he's also an adult, and he has made the decision that he's well enough to go in. And it would appear that your company's sickness policy is driving this behaviour too. (So you could argue that the unreasonableness here is the company, primarily.)

At some level you have to accept that he's made this choice. It might not be a terribly sensible choice in a wider context. But it is his to make.

As a society we have to accept that when someone is poorly, and says they don't have covid, we need to have some trust in that person's personal probity that they don't indeed have covid. Not everyone is a cackling, disease-spreading liar.

You can make choices too, of course. You could sit somewhere else. You could go home. You could wear a face mask all day.

I would've gone to work with the symptoms you describe. Maybe, like I was, this man is on capability proceedings for absence and doesn't dare miss work another for fear of losing his job, and/or simply can't afford to lose any pay. Employers are not sympathetic over trivial things like this, in my experience at least.

He doesn't have Covid so I think YABU.

Yes I have anxiety I've already said that, I maybe cope with it differently to how others do but this is literally my worst nightmare. Some people's fears are heights or deep waters, mine are germs and getting unwell. It's always been this way for me, I can deal with a common cold, this doesn't sound to be a common cold.. like I said he's coughing spluttering blowing his nose all over the place in the office, touching surfaces etc.
It doesn't seem fair to be putting others at risk of becoming unwell..

I don't have any options available to me, I only started this job 3 months ago, not yet passed probation and not set up to work from home, whereas this member of staff is able to work from home, today is his day to work from home, but he's decided to come into the office since his family are unwell and resting at home today.. It doesn't bode well with me.

How selfish.

How are people STILL not getting it that you need a PCR and not a LFT when you have symptoms?Where have people been for the last 18 months?

Even if it's not covid if he's that bad he'll give it to everyone else.

Have you had a word with your line manager?

@tensofhundreds

I don't have any options available to me, I only started this job 3 months ago, not yet passed probation and not set up to work from home, whereas this member of staff is able to work from home, today is his day to work from home, but he's decided to come into the office since his family are unwell and resting at home today.. It doesn't bode well with me.

If he can work from home then why did you say he said he can't afford to come in? Does your office pay for sick days?

You didn't say he decided to come in because his family are sick, you said that he said he couldn't afford not to come in.

Something isn't making sense here.

@tensofhundreds

I don't have any options available to me, I only started this job 3 months ago, not yet passed probation and not set up to work from home, whereas this member of staff is able to work from home, today is his day to work from home, but he's decided to come into the office since his family are unwell and resting at home today.. It doesn't bode well with me.

That's different to having to come in so he gets paid.

My friend had negative LFT, had symptoms so got PCR and it was positive.

The country would quickly shut down in winter if people stayed off work every time they had a cold!

He can work from home today but chose not to because his family aren't well and are resting at home - I didn't want to be too outing but I'll explain.
his children's bedroom is directly next to his WFH office - apparently - and since we work in a call centre, his work is calling out all day. Therefore he said he didn't want to disturb them by being on the phone and being (in his terms) 'loud' all day when they aren't feeling well.
So he took the decision to come to work.
He said he can't afford to be off sick
(we don't get sickness pay) and he said if he was to be off sick he wouldn't he working.

This is just what he said this morning, I don't know his reasoning.

It's very selfish to go into work like that. A colleague of mine did the same while I was pregnant (around 7 months) and I ended up coughing with almost flu-like symptoms for over a week, and that was while keeping a distance, but in the same office. I don't care if they felt they should have been in work, that doesn't trump my wish to not be so ill, especially during pregnancy.

How are people STILL not getting it that you need a PCR and not a LFT when you have symptoms?

The problem is that the government are still saying only to test for the original three symptoms, despite the delta variant being far more cold like. A lady asked on here the other day and was accused of committing fraud by getting a PCR test. It's ridiculous, but people act on what they're told a) by the government, and b) by randoms on MN.

@tensofhundreds ah that makes sense.

@CorrBlimeyGG

How are people STILL not getting it that you need a PCR and not a LFT when you have symptoms?

The problem is that the government are still saying only to test for the original three symptoms, despite the delta variant being far more cold like. A lady asked on here the other day and was accused of committing fraud by getting a PCR test. It's ridiculous, but people act on what they're told a) by the government, and b) by randoms on MN.

That's true. Everyone I know who has had it recently, including my son has had none of the classic symptoms and just as the OP describes.

I can sympathise with both of you here. I understand that you don't want to catch his illness but I also know what it's like to feel too worried to call in sick. At my place you get slagged off for calling in sick but also slagged off for coming in sick so you can't really win. He definitely shouldn't be at work by the sounds of it though.

Maybe you should just go home with an awful migraine that’s made you vomit. And agree not to be paid. I’d feel the same as you do. It’s selfish of your colleague but that’s how lots of people are.

I'm sorry you're struggling OP. I have a family member with a similar health/germ anxiety, so I understand. Do remember though, that just because your colleague has a very bad cold, it certainly doesn't mean you or others will feel the same, even if you do catch it. Colds affect people very differently. For example, my husband and/or children can have a very bad cold, but I'll only get a very mild version for a couple of days, often barely anything to register really.

The worst thing is the feeling of lack of control, so try to control your environment. Can you open windows? Wear a mask. Wash your hands regularly. Try putting a bowl of hot water on your desk with a few drops of lavender essential oil floating on top (Boots sell it). Lavender is a (proven) very powerful anti viral oil and it will diffuse into the air around you and help to kill the germs in your space. Also, as others have suggested, can you talk to your manager and move rooms?

@Wole

Has he had a PCR test daily?! What a waste of resources.

Does your workplace have any policies around this? Mine doesn't want me in if I'm at all unwell.

I assume he means lateral flow, obviously, and it's advised that we all test regularly using those.

OP he may not have covid but I still think it's vile to come into work that unwell if there's any chance at all that he could work from home.

Do your work know how serious your OCD is? Perhaps you need to address this with a line manager so they can look at ways of managing this anxiety with you? If this is, in your words, 'your worst nightmare' then you need to look at strategies for coping with this at work, as this will be a ongoing issue as we are human and we sometimes get poorly. Your colleague has every right to be at work. What doesn't 'bode well' also? Have you discussed in therapy how mental illness can make us look at situations in a distorted way and then catastrophize to the worst case scenario? We then look for validation and to be right. Is there any chance you are doing this here? And then looking for people to agree with you who might share you anxieties? Pre covid you may well have had responses on here that laughed about 'man flu' and that he might be exaggerating. If you are very uncomfortable right now are you wearing a mask? That might help to support you to feel that there is a 'barrier' between you.

If you can't get the selfish idiot to leave then take steps to protect yourself, open windows and doors to provide good ventilation, distance yourself as much as possible. You need to regularly clean surfaces and frequently wash your hands, also there is a little protection for you to be found by wearing a mask - this would also make me a little happy because it's a small visual protest!

@CorrBlimeyGG

He has a cough through which is one of the 3 orriginal symptoms