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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask what I should do now

5 replies

Worakls · 17/09/2021 07:32

Quick background... Separated from ex husband 2 years ago, he moved out 19 months ago. We have 2 children (10 boy and 6 girl) and we share 70/30 custody (me doing 70).

I live in the marital home, he pays a small contribution towards the mortgage and child maintenance, he rents.

I worked PT after kids and gave up my career as didn't work with ex working away all the time. I started a new career a couple of years ago and I went FT last year.

Despite filing for divorce ages ago (on grounds of multiple cases of adultery), we are still in mediation. He quit the first lot as he said the mediator was biased and the one it has taken us 3 sessions to get him to stop lying on his Form E - he is self-employed and wouldn't declare his income.

Anyway, he's declared his income which is WELL into 6 figures and 4 times my salary (although my salary is too high for benefits, my mortgage is ridiculously high as south east). He wants me to leave the family home and pass to him, give him 50% equity. For info, this still wouldn't allow me to purchase to house the kids as I can't borrow enough. He WILL NOT budge on this, so another session wasted.

He has now also stopped paying the mortgage and I can't afford to live anymore. I have also now used up all my savings on mediation. So what now? I can't afford mediation, I can't paying my mortgage and I can't actually manage my job right now either. I work 40 hours a week from home and do all the childcare (school runs 4 days a week) and burned out last week from exhaustion and stress. And we cannot go to court, there are not enough assets in the marriage to cover court costs.

So, do I give in, let him have the house and put an end to the stress? I can't fight, I have no money but he can keep fighting as he has plenty. Please someone wave a magic wand :-(

OP posts:
LolaButt · 17/09/2021 08:21

What has your solicitor said?

Can they make an application to the court requesting you stay in the family home with the children until they leave education?

WheresYourSnickers · 17/09/2021 08:27

Can you call the mortgage company and request to pay interest only for a year? Might give you some relief.

LittleOwl153 · 17/09/2021 10:03

Is his name on the mortgage still? If so then he has no option but to pay it unless he wants to get the bad credit rating along with you...

Are you in the UK? It's sounding like you're not froma few things.

Stop the mediation. It isn't going to get you anywhere and is a waste of money.

Get yourself a good solicitor. They will get you enough from the divorce to cover their costs given his earnings. Take the divorce to court and let the judge decide who gets what % of the housem he doesnnot get to decide this by himself when there are children involved. Also don't forget his a
pensions are also joint assets along with anything else he owns. He doesn't get to decide what at 'assets of the marriage' again that is for the court if he wont play fair.

LittleOwl153 · 17/09/2021 10:08

Oh and does he pay at least the cms calculated child maintenance? On £100k he should be paying upwards of £970 a mont for 2 kids he has 2 nights a week....

Tinkywinkydinkydoo · 17/09/2021 10:14

Have you got any family who could help you pay for a solicitor? You really need to take this to court, he’s strung you along so you use all your money for mediation instead of just going through court route straight away. If you have proof of his income now apply to cms straight away to help you. Like a pp have said, if his name is on the mortgage then it will be his credit score he’s damaging too. First step is apply to court and cms straight away, try looking online for how to fill in the forms yourself instead of a solicitor.

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