AIBU to think my gut feeling might be right?

[Heartbrokenonafriday]

I’ve been feeling unsupported and unloved by my husband for a while. I tried to talk to him about it. He says it is because of the way I treat him and that if I treat him better I will find he acts more loving and supportive.

I feel so worn down and exhausted looking after DS with special needs, and walking on eggshells around my husband, sometimes I am a bit short tempered. I have been trying to be better.

I guess my question is aibu to think we should both try and listen to the other’s needs, rather than me having to live up to his standards before he will even consider mine?

My gut is telling me this situation isn’t right. But I know I’m not perfect and just wish I could be better so I don’t have to deal with this.

You are right.

You might find marriage counselling helpful. It sounds like you need to improve communication between you , as you aren't being heard by your DH. Relate have a waiting list but are really good. It sounds like your DH is doing competitive arguing rather than taking responsibility for her part in this and how he makes his wife feel. Having young DCs is tough enough without lack of support or respectful communication - you should be a team not on opposite sides. It eats away at your relationship if you both put ownership of your relationship as one of your priorities . I'm saying it carefully so that you have some language to use that isn't blaming on either side as he's not listening to you

*His part not her part!

Argh I meant It eats away at your relationship If you both don't put ownership of your relationship as a priority

We’ve tried counselling twice. It hasn’t helped. We obviously have communication issues and are both part of that dynamic. But he won’t accept that its anything other than my problem.

YANBU then

However that doesn't help your situation

You're in a marriage that is dying

Which means you're heading for miserable years together or you're heading for divorce

"But he won’t accept that its anything other than my problem" = Your marriage is already over.

Stop wasting your time.

YANBU. That is not how a marriage is supposed to work. You don’t give out love and support when your partner treats you well. Unless you are a pet dog maybe. Sounds like you’d be better off with a dog than this man actually as I believe that’s it’s unconditional.