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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This irritates me so much

27 replies

Charlene91 · 17/09/2021 07:02

Local all-boys high school on FB posted pictures of 3 past pupils of theirs, who had just got married to congratulate them, which is obviously a lovely thing to do!

This is where a got pssed off though. The post laid out the 3 couples names as "Mr and Mrs man's name & man's surname".

Why is the woman's identity completely gone, not only her surname, but also she's presumably now taken on her husbands first name! I just don't understand it to be honest. I just know that, if it were me, I would be upset at someone referring to me as my husband forename and surname. I haven't just morphed into him upon marrying him 😂

OP posts:
Hopdathelf · 17/09/2021 07:05

YANBU and many people feel the same way. Many people also object to being Mrs [DH last name] altogether.

lannistunut · 17/09/2021 07:06

To me it seems to go with the general vibe of segregating boys and girls.

Original poster
Charlene91 · 17/09/2021 07:08

Awww it really annoys me. This school obviously just took it upon themselves to assume their new names, because I happen to know that one of the women isn't even taking her husbands surname, let alone his first.

I'm getting married soon, and if anyone refers to me as anything other than my own forename, I will absolutely be putting them straight!

OP posts:
NewPapaGuinea · 17/09/2021 07:10

My DM once received a letter addressed to Mrs Husband’s firstname surname. I was so confused and thought it hilarious. Apparently this was (and still is) a thing!

HarebrightCedarmoon · 17/09/2021 07:15

Yes, I agree. I can't stand it either and it staggered me even as a kid 40 years ago, when I questioned why on earth a woman was being referred to by her husband's first name and surname. And my mum found it old fashioned then.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 17/09/2021 07:17

I've never done it its so archaic. I always kept my own name and my son has my surname too. I gave birth to him after all.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 17/09/2021 07:19

That would annoy me too. Although it may be because they didn’t know the name of one of the wives!

Harlequin1088 · 17/09/2021 07:21

I was at a Village Fete the other day and the man on the tannoy issued a thank you to the landowners for kindly allow their field to be used to the Fete - "And thanks go to Mr. and Mrs. Joe Bloggs for the use of their field". I damn near fell over. I found it SO insulting. Had I been Mrs. Joe Bloggs, I'd have marched over to the booth and made the bugger correct himself. It was so archaic sounding and embarrassing. Like we'd time travelled 100 years and women weren't people in their own right 😡

Ikeptgoing · 17/09/2021 07:22

It is old fashioned and sexist

MargaretThursday · 17/09/2021 07:24

On the flip side it really doesn't bother me at all-maybe it didn't bother the people involved.

And our joint back account is
Mrs and Mr my first name, our surname because he joined my account. He's never had an issue with it either.

HugeAckmansWife · 17/09/2021 07:27

In that context I understand it. They want the name of their old student to be the focal point. It's old fashioned but I can't get too het up about it to be honest.

Anothermothernamegame · 17/09/2021 07:36

YANBU! I'd be furious if I was addressed as my DP's add on.

LizzieMacQueen · 17/09/2021 07:39

@lannistunut

To me it seems to go with the general vibe of segregating boys and girls.
This.

Segregating and paying for your education.
@lannistunut

CGWGWOO · 17/09/2021 07:42

I remember being bemused when a recipient of a thank you letter addressed to Mrs Her first name His last name complained as that his how you address a divorced women and as she was a widow she should be addressed as Mrs husband’s First and Last name.

girlmom21 · 17/09/2021 07:46

I don't think an all-boys school is the place to look for inclusivity and equality...

EL8888 · 17/09/2021 07:55

Cringe. It’s disturbing that still goes on

jeanne16 · 17/09/2021 08:08

Wimbledon tennis championships used to do this. I remember Chris Evert being referred to as Mrs John Lloyd. How was that ever acceptable. However I haven’t seen it for many years so that is extraordinarily old fashioned.

MatildaIThink · 17/09/2021 08:11

I just can't get worked up about this, it seems irrelevant really. If it was the girls school where people would know who they were it would be weird, but as it was the boys school, whilst being old fashioned, even archaic, it does not upset me in any way.

MatildaIThink · 17/09/2021 08:14

Just to add, I have a PhD, so I am a Dr. We have had situations where people presume my husband is the doctor, a couple of times presumed that Dr & Mr IThink would be a gay couple, but I do not get offended by that either, I just think it is daft, maybe I am too easy going.

Glitterblue · 17/09/2021 08:16

It's maybe old fashioned but really not something I can get worked up about.

LolaSparkle · 17/09/2021 08:17

I got so annoyed yesterday by a headline on The Sun that said "most successful footballer WAG's ever" and then when I read the article most of the women were super successful in their own right before marrying a footballer ... eg. Shakira, Victoria Beckham, Perrie & Leigh-Anne from Little Mix.

The headline really got my goat though as it felt all wrong that they're being referred to as an extension of their husband rather than the successful women they are! It's should have read "the worlds most successful women." Sidenote in the article - they also married footballers - however it's not even necessary! 🙄

MoreAloneTime · 17/09/2021 08:20

See if I got a letter to Mrs (DH firstname) (Surname) I'd more likely think it's for him and they'd accidentally put Mrs instead of Mr. It's like how you don't respond if someone else's name gets called out.

The Mr and Mrs Man's name kind of makes more since if it's used to differentiate between you and another couple with the same surname even if it does exclude the women.

MrsClatterbuck · 17/09/2021 09:08

This is very old fashioned and was the correct etiquette back in the day though I thought when widowed your name became Mrs own name husband's surname to distinguish between a husband who was alive or dead. Years ago at a wedding my place card said Mrs husband's 1st name then surname. I was not amused but haven't seen it since. It was a family wedding and they hopefully were using an outdated etiquette book on weddings.

HarimadSol · 17/09/2021 09:47

My grandmother recently sent us a card addressed to: M/M my husband's name. I didn't even get an S to differentiate between us!

MaryHadALittleDramHicHic · 17/09/2021 09:54

It's the formal way to address a married couple. Can't say it would bother me in this instance

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