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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Stopping deliveries from a certain person

23 replies

postalproblem · 16/09/2021 21:25

Posting in AIBU for traffic.

I am NC with my mother but she keeps sending me post. The latest is a large parcel of stuff I don't need or want which has arrived just after I have left on holiday, and will be outside my door until I come back. I know she has sent me a parcel as she has emailed me to say that she has done so and can see on the Royal Mail tracking website that it has arrived.

I don't want to receive post or parcels from my mother. I know I can bin it or donate it but I don't want the hassle and I don't want to see her stuff or her handwriting or be reminded of her in any way.

She always puts the sender details on her post. Is there any way that post from her can be blocked so that it just goes back to her (or gets destroyed) without it ever reaching me?

OP posts:
Wole · 16/09/2021 21:26

She'll just stop putting the return address on.

Wole · 16/09/2021 21:27

You might have to get the police involved.

pastabest · 16/09/2021 21:30

Email her and tell her to stop and advise you feel harassed by it and will contact the police if it happens again.

Then contact the police if it happens again.

It's the only way.

IAAP · 16/09/2021 21:32

You can contact the police. Before you do this send her a cease and desist letter by signed delivery stating you do not want any further contact either directly or indirectly or through any third parties and then report to the police show them the letter she signed for but send the letter first. Do not communicate with her or engage after the letter is sent also state in the letters that her actions are unwarranted and unnecessary and causing distress and alarm

ChurchWCat · 16/09/2021 21:33

Does it have the sender address on it, so you can just write "not at this address" and return it to the post office?

AdoraBell · 16/09/2021 21:34

What pastabest said.

postalproblem · 16/09/2021 22:06

Reading back my post, to be clear, she emailed me to let me know that she had sent a parcel after she had received confirmation from Royal Mail that it had been delivered.

Oh I really don't want to involve the police if I can help it, it's just another job and stress for me. Isn't there a service I can subscribe to like the redelivery service when you move house.

OP posts:
WhatAShilohPitt · 16/09/2021 23:09

You can get mail directed to a post office op box etc but it would affect all of your mail, not just items from her. You could ask Royal Mail to not leave items on your doorstep / safe place and then when items come from her refuse delivery so they get returned. You’d have to see them at first but I’d imagine if they keep bring returned then she might stop?

WhatAShilohPitt · 16/09/2021 23:09

PO not op

PersonaNonGarter · 16/09/2021 23:13

You don’t need to involve the police at this stage, your solicitor can write to her privately.

VainAbigail · 16/09/2021 23:29

Start with blocking her email address.

Has she said what’s in the parcel? Do you have anyone who could remove it for you? Or even (if you know what’s it in) advertise it on a fb page for someone to go and get it to keep it, for free?

TheRebelle · 16/09/2021 23:42

Can you get a friend or neighbour to go and get it? I wouldn’t want to leave it there while you’re away as it advertises the house is empty.

What sort of stuff is she sending, is it stuff other people might want or is it just tat?

postalproblem · 17/09/2021 07:32

Yes I'm also worried about advertising the house as being empty.

She said there are silver dinner plates and herbs / spices. The silver plates are heavy and look like the attached, not sure if other people would want them? We won't use the food stuff she's sent us, we still have the batch she sent us (again unwanted) from 6 months ago untouched.

We had new neighbours move in a few days ago and don't have their phone number to ask them, and even if I did I don't want to.

I'm frustrated that this is creating work for me, however little it is, because I don't want the parcel! And now I may have to get someone else involved in this madness. We get parcels sent from other family members, they tell us in advance so we can warn them if they will be away. But no, my mother sends me things that SHE likes, doesn't check with me if I will be in, then tells me after it has been delivered. I don't even understand what she is thinking, why tell me about it after it's delivered?

OP posts:
SnoopyLights · 17/09/2021 07:54

The only way to do this is to properly go no contact (so change your email etc, she shouldn't still have it if you are no contact) and if she's not taking you seriously when you tell her you don't want contact, get the cease and desist letter previous posters have mentioned.

From experience, I feel it's better to have a solicitor write it.

Especially as she seems to still be getting a reaction from you. If the letter comes from you personally, she will think it's just another boundary she can walk over. It's harder for her to think that if the letter is on headed paper from a solicitor.

Plus, from when we looked into it, any other response from you can actually be seen as inviting more contact from her, perhaps even as harassment of her by you, even if all you have written is "I don't want contact from you any more."

Better to get this done properly and make sure the wider family are aware that you don't want them passing on your contact details to her, or passing on gifts and messages from her to you.

Make sure you properly document every contact. It's easy to save emails from her in a harassment file, but if anything else arrives by post, photograph it (with her writing clearly shown) make a note of the date, time, photograph the contents, write a short note about what happened and how it's effected you, email it all to yourself so you have a date stamp for when it happened, and then bin the lot.

Don't keep food you don't want and won't use in your cupboards for six months, put it straight in the bin. Same with the plates and anything else she sends. If you don't want to throw it away, give it to the charity shop. But don't keep it beyond taking the photographs.

Weirdly, if you are serious about going no contact, it's better to receive the post so you can log it and have evidence of her harassment than it would be to have the post office just dispose of it for you, as you wouldn't have a record then.

Polmuggle · 17/09/2021 08:09

Just do 'not at this address' and return to sender?

Or take the whole thing to a charity shop/food bank and know it's at least helping someone!

postalproblem · 17/09/2021 09:58

@SnoopyLights thank you that's very helpful.

@Polmuggle would the post office take it a week after the parcel has been delivered? I thought you had to refuse at the door.

Forgot to attach picture of the plates to my last post. Is this something that people would want? If so I will take it to a charity shop, otherwise it goes in the bin.

Stopping deliveries from a certain person
OP posts:
CorrBlimeyGG · 17/09/2021 10:03

The post office will not return a parcel that you turn up a week later with. It will look like you're trying to send a parcel without paying.

A charity shop or a local furniture/ one stop charity will take them.

TheRebelle · 17/09/2021 10:06

It sounds like tat to me, I’d just ask anyone you know if they could drive by and pick it up and just dump it.

PumpkinKlNG · 17/09/2021 10:06

My sister does this, I’m nc with her but at my kids birthdays and on Xmas she has sent things from amazon and posted cards, no way im getting the police involved though, I just bin them.

Mantlemoose · 17/09/2021 10:10

Firstly either change your email address or block hers. Secondly contact your delivery office and tell them they must deliver mail only that can go through the letterbox and must not leave anything outside, that way you can refuse to accept it.

samwitwicky · 17/09/2021 10:15

Start sending stuff back to her unopened.

I know it's a hassle. But she will soon get fed up.

MinnieJackson · 17/09/2021 10:49

They are strange plates, look a bit like dog bowls Confused

postalproblem · 17/09/2021 12:49

Thank you all. @Mantlemoose I didn't know about delivering only things that fit through the letterbox, I will look into that. Will also need to look at changing my email address. she's blocked on everything else so I thought she would leave us alone.

Someone suggested unthread to give the herbs and spices to a Foodbank. They are in sandwich bags so I expect a Foodbank won't take them.

OP posts:
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