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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband being stubborn?

42 replies

loverloversweet · 16/09/2021 20:34

Hi, happy to be told I'm being unreasonable here! Husband was in the garage working on his hobby/project. Four year old really wanted her trampoline down from the garage roof bit but I'm too short to reach it - a two minute job for him. He was getting annoyed that we were all in the garage (two children inc the four year old, and me) so I said just get it down and we can go! He just kept refusing, saying we needed to be patient and learn patience etc and it really upset me as it was like he was deliberately being stubborn and making us wait because he could.
I know he was doing something but he works on it at night time and during the day when he has time. All she wanted was the trampoline down so she could play on it and instead we ended up almost begging him to get it down because he was 'busy'
I know it's such a stupid thing but when I brought it up with him that it upset me he said I was in the wrong so I wanted to check

OP posts:
Snoozysnoozy · 17/09/2021 07:09

How long did all this take? 2 minutes, 5, half an hour? If you were begging after just a few minutes then I'd say perhaps you do need to learn some patience. If he ignored you for longer then I'd agree he's out of line.

Never ceases to amaze me how quickly some women leap to "he's a [insert insult]" without all of the information.

AdelindSchade · 17/09/2021 07:17

Reasonable for him to say he's just at a crucial point measuring so he will get it in five minutes. But what you have described sounds like him being a deliberate knob.

Spiindoctor · 17/09/2021 07:26

Well what are you supposed to do with two small DCs whilst he faffs.
Basically stand like a lump.
I would remember that for life - i really bear grudges.

HugeAckmansWife · 17/09/2021 07:30

Err no, she could have taken them to play with a ball on the grass while waiting for dad. Christ, it's not that big a problem to keep a couple of pre schoolers entertained 'ooh look, squirrell'.. Go and pester him if he's not done it in 10 mins fine but no he shouldn't have to literally drop everything immediately.

Snoozysnoozy · 17/09/2021 07:31

I would remember that for life - i really bear grudges.

Do you think that makes you the better person in this scenario?

HalzTangz · 17/09/2021 07:32

Could you really not get it yourself? No chair or step ladder you could have used?

If he was in the middle of something you could have waited for a few minutes

NoSquirrels · 17/09/2021 07:34

How long were you having to wait?

I mean, either you’ve over-reacted to a ‘sure, in a minute, I’m just finishing this measurement’ or he kept you waiting for ages just because he could.

Can’t tell from your post.

JustKittenAround · 17/09/2021 07:35

Well maybe you need to think about your lack of patience….

He ought to stop whatever he is doing because you need to leave to find this elusive patience….

Don’t worry…. He has soooooo much. He can survive you dropping the duties you perform in his lap.

You need to find yourself, he said so. I can think of many fun ways to do so. He told you to do it, this guru!

Thank you husband!

Briony123 · 17/09/2021 08:08

Depends if he is equally patient/impatient when you are doing one of your hobbies/projects.
His next project could be to make shelves to keep the children's toys on at appropriate heights.

Tal45 · 17/09/2021 08:59

I think it depends, if it was a case of 'could you just give me a minute because I'm in the middle of something and I really need you to be patient for a minute' then that's fine. If it was 'you need to wait quietly and patiently because I say so and I'm going to teach you lesson because I like having this power over you' then he's a dick and I doubt this sort of behaviour is restricted only to this one scenario.

LittleOwl153 · 17/09/2021 09:04

He was getting annoyed that we were all in the garage (two children inc the four year old, and me) so I said just get it down and we can go!

How long did he make you all wait? A couple of minutes fine he was in the middle of something. This line however suggests you were waiting quite some time. And why should he "control" part of the house for a hobby - particularly when the room has other functions I.e. storage if kids kit.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 17/09/2021 09:06

He's lucky you are willing to look after the children while he plays with his toys. The least he can do is pass you the thing that's going to keep them occupied!
This would massively piss me off and I'd have left the kids with him and said that I was now going to do my hobby for a bit and he can take responsibility for the kids for a commensurate amount of time!

I am also a grudge bearer - he'd never get anything from me ever again without being told he had to wait and learn patience. Patronising prick!

mrsm43s · 17/09/2021 09:42

Hmm, this could be either one of you in the wrong.

Surely the right way for this to happen (and what would happen in our house) is that you put your head round the door of the garage and say, "when you have a minute, can you get the trampoline down please", and DH then finishes his immediate task and then gets the trampoline down and brings it out within say 15mins or so. You then thank him for doing it.

All barging into his workspace and immediately expecting him to drop what he's in the middle of doing to get the trampoline down is just plain rude, and not a lesson you should be teaching your children.

Equally, him pissing about and making you wait sounds like a bit of power play, which is just nasty.

You really don't want your children to grow into entitled teens who wander into the kitchen whilst your in the middle of cooking dinner and demand you drop everything and give them a lift right now, do you?

The polite thing to do is ask, and wait for the person doing the favour to do it when they have finished what they are already in the middle of doing. And hanging around and staring at them whilst their finishing off their task is rude and off-putting.

TwooThirty · 17/09/2021 09:46

I would say you were both in the wrong. If he was on the middle of something you shouldn’t just demand that he stop what he’s doing immediately. Equally his attitude with you sounds ott.

Gorl · 17/09/2021 09:48

He’s a total dick. What a nasty way to exert control over you all just for the sake of it.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 17/09/2021 13:39

Also, he's not a work. This is his hobby, which the OP is enabling him to do by looking after the children.

621CustardCream438 · 17/09/2021 13:50

Leaving aside how much time his hobby takes up, which is kind of secondary…

If I was in the middle of cooking dinner and my husband and two children started pestering me they wanted me to stop in the middle of weighing ingredients to get something on the whim of a preschooler I’d tell the lot of them to get lost. Four year old will hardly implode if she has to wait a few minutes, and you and your other child joining in would have annoyed me too. Either get the thing yourself (use a ladder?) or wait. It’s a trampoline not a defibrillator.

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