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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To change DS2’s school?

16 replies

bestellzettel · 16/09/2021 13:56

DP is about to move departments at work, we're going to be in the same city but in a different town about 25 minutes drive away.

DS2’s school is currently a 5 minute drive but a 25 minute walk, we do walk in the warmer weather. When we move, his school will be a 25 minute drive but probably longer with the traffic etc, as it's also a 3 hour walk according to google maps, so we won't be able to walk in the warmer weather.

The new house we're looking at, a school is about a one minute drive but a 5 minute walk, so we would probably walk all of the time.

DS2 is autistic so I'm not sure he would cope with the change, but would his current school be a bit too far?

Wwyd?

OP posts:

TeenMinusTests · 16/09/2021 14:01

In summary:
You are moving house.
The new house is a long way from school.
Should you move your autistic DS?

Yes. But proactively manage the transition.

blueberryporridge · 16/09/2021 14:02

My DD is autistic. It makes change more difficult but doesn't mean that you have to avoid it. My main concern would be which school would be best for your DC. In my experience, a school with the right environment and support is very important and it would be worth the longer distance if you are not sure if the new school would be as suitable as the current one. However, if the new school looks like it will be suitable, a shorter journey time will be better for your family and the planet!

Dishwashersaurous · 16/09/2021 14:12

Of course you should move.

It's completely normal to change school when you move house.

The only reason not to would be if he's at a specialist school as getting places in them.are like gold dust.

He will have to be prepared for the move anyway. This is just another change

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/09/2021 14:16

Could your DH not travel further for work so you and ds’s lives stay the same?

HerculesMulligan · 16/09/2021 14:20

I have an autistic primary-aged DS, and my question wouldn't just be about how he handles the change but about the quality of provision at the school he'd be moving to. If it's the same or better than at his current school, I'd consider a move, but I would have to be absolutely certain it was or else we wouldn't move at all, and DH would do a longer commute.

LastToBePicked · 16/09/2021 14:22

Does DS2 mean your second son (if so what is happening to DS1, and how old is DS2?).

NerrSnerr · 16/09/2021 14:23

Do you think the school is a good fit for your child? How long does he have left at the school?

If you think this school would be better for him than the one you'd move him to then I would stay where you are. I don't know many families who would go through the upheaval of moving house for a job less than half an hour away.

JustPloddingAlong123 · 16/09/2021 14:24

I also think your husband should travel to work. Especially if your child is settled and the school is supporting him well.

Original poster

bestellzettel · 16/09/2021 14:30

DS1 is at college, so will get there using public transport, as he does now. DS2 is 8 and has just gone into year 4.

It does seem like a school very similar to the one he is at now, with the same finishing time, although I have no idea if they have space yet or if it’d suit his needs (it's a mainstream school).

OP posts:

NerrSnerr · 16/09/2021 14:38

What is the reasoning for needing to move? Wouldn't it be easier to stay where you are and your husband commute? You could then maybe move before your youngest starts senior school?

HerculesMulligan · 16/09/2021 15:44

"I have no idea if they have space yet or if it’d suit his needs"

You absolutely need to nail this down before you even think about moving, OP. It's just not fair to your DS if you don't.

Tal45 · 16/09/2021 15:52

Why doesn't your DP just commute? Instead of completely uprooting your poor autistic ds's life? I know mine would have really struggled with not only a new house and new room but also a new school on top. You don't even seem to know if the new school would be suitable, is your DP usually this selfish?

LazySundayPlease · 16/09/2021 16:42

"I have no idea if they have space yet or if it’d suit his needs"

You absolutely can't decide until you visit the school and see if it would be suitable/better. Does he cope ok at the current school?

We moved 60 miles for a better school, it was our main driver. The distance in the mornings should be a secondary consideration

Original poster

bestellzettel · 16/09/2021 17:46

DP wants us to move as it'll be closer to his work and it's a nicer area.

DS was fine with a new house, when we moved 2 years ago but he was at the same school then.

OP posts:

NerrSnerr · 16/09/2021 18:14

I think you'll be mad to move now and not wait until he's in year 7 if he is settled in school. I don't think it makes sense to disrupt him for the sake of a 25 minute commute for an adult.

Dishwashersaurous · 17/09/2021 23:34

Well surely the first thing is to ascertain whether

A, the school has space

B, it can meet his specific needs.

If the answer to both is a firm no. Then don't move

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