To be upset at what DS said?

[BlueMoons90]

For context: DS is 15 (nearly 16). He is NC (and has been for four years) with his 'dad' as he was unreliable and abusive towards me. This was his choice. I've been with DP for six years and we have one DS together and I'm pregnant currently. He has a great relationship with DP and asked a few weeks ago if he could call him dad. All fine.

DS recently got his first girlfriend, really nice girl but I am very aware that he's likely to become sexually active soon. Decided last night that I would speak to him about 'safe sex'. I started the conversation and he cut me off very quickly and said he would rather speak to DP about this. I said that's fine but is there a reason why, let him know that he didn't need to be embarrassed about talking to me about stuff like this.

He said 'you're hardly one to talk about safe sex are you, you got pregnant with me when you were 15 and ruined your life!'

He's right, I did get pregnant with him when I was 15 but despite this, I still went to university and became a teacher. I stopped working after DS2 was born (both mine and DP's decision) but I still like to think I am 'relatively successful' and I don't consider my life ruined at all.

AIBU to be upset that my son thinks I ruined my life by having him?

DP has spoken to him and it sounds like some of the boys at school have been making comments about how young I am/that I'm a 'milf'. DP thinks he might be embarrassed about the comments they're making.

I think he was probably embarrassed and didn't think about the weight of what he was actually saying to you.

I would just say to him, 'you mentioned that you felt I ruined my life by having you so young, but I want to make it clear I don't feel that way at all', etc.

Teens are well reputed for saying unkind things to their parents. My instinct is that he was looking for reassurance from you. Did you tell him that he’s the best thing that ever happened to you in response? If not, then do (or similar). Make sure he feels loved. Perhaps he’s insecure about the new baby on top of school pressure & hormones.
It’s lovely that he has such a trusting bond with his SD.

Rude little shit, I'd be sitting him down and giving him a bloody earful for this

I think he said this as he was clearly embarrassed and wanted to say something that would shock you and end the conversation.

If it were me I'd text him "just thought you should know that having you definitely didn't ruin my life, I love you loads. Glad you had a good chat with (partners name). If you ever need to ask me anything, you can x"

And then leave it at that. He's 15 and his brain and hormones are in a blender, he won't mean it.

Id say "yeah thats true you cheeky sod, it wasnt the best timing admittedly but OK, if youd prefer to speak to DP then thats fine, but you do need to talk to someone"

@Magicstars yes I had wondered if he was feeling insecure re new baby. One of my friends said to DP in front of DS 'are you excited to become a dad for the second time' and DS did say 'third time actually'. DP agreed with him and said yes it will be the third time! It was after this that DS asked if he could call him dad.

I do tell him he's the best thing that's ever happened to me, but I suppose recently I've maybe pulled back a bit? My fault, I suppose I just assumed that as he's a teenager he doesn't want me fawning all over him.

@daisyjgrey yeah great idea. I will do that!