"there aren't any women around"

[Nowomenaroundeh]

Ok this is light-hearted. But what would you make of this remark?

I am 43. I think I look alright, always got loads of wanted or unwanted male attention most of my life. I was on a sun holiday with partner and child recently in a lovely quiet resort with older people and families.

I was wearing a swimsuit I bought online for the holiday and a bit self conscious in it. Why are they all cut so ridiculously now? It's like something a love island contestant would wear. I'm top heavy and it's cut practically down to my belly button. My partner said it was fine and reminded me I spent most of my life sunbathing topless.

Halfway through the holiday a gang of lager lout types moved in next door. My heart sank when I saw them arrive as the resort had been lovely and quiet so far. They were sitting outside their apartment drinking and we were as usual going around in the kayak, the three of us on the manmade beach. Everyone else was further away at the pool in the other part of the resort and completely out of sight - I mean we were the only people in sight. We did a few laps not close enough to talk to but close enough to see and shout to, it was obvious they were absolutely trashed already.

They are early 30's so I am obviously not their target market.

My partner's hearing is not great but mine is fine. I realised they were chanting "get your t1ts out, get your t1ts out..." and I felt really annoyed. I asked partner could he hear them, he couldn't. I said I wanted to go. I was afraid he'd be angry.

When we were well away I told him. His response? "But there aren't any women about." And then totally flabbergasted "What? Do you think they were talking to YOU?"

So wibu in thinking that yes their disgusting unwelcome chanting was directed at me and even if I'm not 23 I am still in fact a woman and therefore open to being intimidated and harassed?

I understand why this has annoyed you! But is it possible your husband thought you were saying the men were chanting "get your tits out" to some women in their group, and then he was confused because they were all male, and then he was surprised that they were shouting over at you - maybe because he hadn't heard them? Just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt! But yeah those men were arseholes!

Maybe he was worried that if he admitted he thought they were intimidating you, he'd need so show some manly reaction to it, otherwise you'd think he was some kind of wimp?

I can see why you were cross, but what reaction were you hoping for?

Why buy a low cut swimsuit if you want a high cut one? Plenty of speedo ones around.

I would be mortified if I had a son who chanted stuff like that

@pianolessons1 She bought it online - presumably she didn't realise how low it was but was reassured by husband it was fine? Nevertheless, she could have been kayaking naked, she still shouldn't be chanted at. Incidentally, like OP I've sunbathed 'European style' many times and never had this kind of issue - people mostly don't give you a second look. It's funny that in other European countries they seem to have a more mature attitude to seeing some tits!

I think that is rude of your husband. Like you don't count or something!

YANBU to have a bit of a grumpy eye roll at your partner thinking their leering wasn't aimed at you, but it is the horrible group of disgusting 'men' you should be really pissed off at!

I'd probably ask to move apartment tbh as I need peace and quiet on a holiday and not to be next to a bunch of loud, drunk, rude, misogynistic twats.

@Hotchox

Maybe he was worried that if he admitted he thought they were intimidating you, he'd need so show some manly reaction to it, otherwise you'd think he was some kind of wimp?

I can see why you were cross, but what reaction were you hoping for?

It's not so much that I was cross but hurt. His reaction was so instinctive and genuine. It made me wonder does he consider me sexy or attractive anymore.

There's no way to bring it up because it sounds like I want those idiots to chant at me. I absolutely do not. But I still want my partner to view me as an attractive woman.

There were actually a couple more incidents on this trip with me being directly slightly bothered by the pool when partner wasn't there. He again seemed so shocked and bizarrely chuffed.

My first thought is he was flabbergasted that those twats would shout something like that to a woman who was clearly in a family group.

I expect your husband didn't think they were chanting at you, because it's a totally totally bizarre thing for louts to shout at a woman who is clearly with her husband and child. It was vile behaviour by those men, and I hope that you've reported it to the resort manager to ask that they are moved.

In terms of what your husband said, have you got other reasons to suspect he doesn't find you attractive or womanly? If not, I expect he just didn't think anyone would chant that at a woman there with her family.

Thanks posters, it does make sense that he might have been shocked that they'd taunt a woman with family. Now that I think of it he did follow up with "will I go say something to them?" and I said please don't. He does not suffer bullies at all.